


My Special Doll

by Miichiyeo



Category: VIXX
Genre: EXO - Freeform, Voodoo, voodoodoll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-11-21 15:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 82,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11360376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miichiyeo/pseuds/Miichiyeo
Summary: Voodoo Doll: A type of doll surrounded in magic and mystery that in this day and age has been long since forgotten. On the contrary, it is very, very real; and one such person will learn the true extent of those powers.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've been lurking on ao3 for a while and decided to finally put my stories here. I'd been meaning to on AFF, but one of these days I might go back and fix up the chapters; rereading it reminds me how much my writing style's changed and how bad it used to suck haha. 
> 
> But just to be sure, this is crossposted on AFF under the same name, so it's not plagarized or anything. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Small hands flitted across the table as tiny eyes watched the woman across the room warily, watching every movement she made. The woman looked up and she stiffened, sitting straight as a stick, though she only gave her a soft smile. The fire behind her gave her face an eerie glow, one that made the simple smile seem so enigmatic. “What are you so worried about?” she laughed, motioning to come closer. Tentatively, small feet jumped to the floor and plodded over, falling into the woman’s open arms. Large hands ran through her hair and cupped her cheeks, eyes roaming over her face. “Did Seok-jinnie yell at you again?” 

The great grandfather clock in the corner of the room chimed at the change of the hour, the deafening sound of its ring causing goose bumps to run across her skin. Her curious eyes slowly made their way back up to her mother’s face, biting the edge of her lip. Her mother just sighed as she effortlessly lifted her onto her lap, adjusting her so she could continue to go back to her work. “Would you like to help me?” 

She looked at her mother in surprise, her entire body coursing with excitement at the idea of joining her mother in her work. She nodded her head eagerly, and her mother chuckled, lifting the rags off of the table and picking up the needle nearby. “Do you remember what Mommy told you about sewing? This is very important and dangerous. If you mess up, everything goes wrong. Watch Mommy.” 

She watched as her mother’s hands gracefully floated to a gentle rhythm, the way she made each stitch so lovely. In no time at all there was a small, makeshift ragdoll sitting in her hands, the rough smile on its face delighting her. She rolled it over in her hands before hugging it to her chest, grinning covetously at her mother. “It’s blank right now. Whoever you want, just tell Mommy. I’ll get them for you.” She barely had time to nod when the door slammed open, both having to blink at the sudden light coming in from the sun. 

A dark man stepped in, looking around before his eyes narrowed on the two sitting in front of the fire, her mother’s tools laid out neatly on the table in front of them. Loud, stomping footsteps echoed in the room as he slammed the door shut and stalked over, ripping the hat off his head, heaving, as he glared down at her mother. Something about the way he stared scared her, and she gripped the doll close to her chest as if to hide. 

Her mother didn’t seem the least bit worried as she leaned back in her chair, the way she moved showing she wasn’t the least bit intimidated. However, she felt her mother’s arm protectively wrap itself around her waist. “Can I help you?” she asked patiently, a smirk growing on her lips. 

“My brother,” he hissed dangerously, his voice low and scary. “My brother came in here a week ago and has been missing since. You have him, don’t you?” 

“That’s a pretty serious accusation you’re spewing there, don’t you think? How am I supposed to know where your brother is? I’ve only known you for thirty seconds.” She shifted her on her knee, her arm around her waist tightening. “Would you like me to get you a cup of tea?” 

“Cut the bullshit,” he snapped, and her mother’s eyes narrowed at the curse word that spilled from his lips. She looked at the man in worry; her mother had beaten her horribly the one time she had cursed. “Kim Seok-jin. He told me he was going to come here before he disappeared. Everyone knows what a cursed shithole this is. I-”

“If this is such a cursed shithole,” her mother said dangerously as she carefully lifted her off her leg and back onto the floor, “then why would your brother come here?” The man unconsciously took a step back when her mother stood up, moving over to tend the fire. She watched as tight hands jabbed at the fire, the flames dancing as they licked the edges of her finger and brightened her face. She scooted back as she hugged the doll closer to her. “Hmm? Why would he be stupid enough to come in here?” 

“He didn’t know better. He was dared.” 

Both she and the man jumped when her mother laughed, the shrill sound piercing through the cold, winter air. “If he came in for something as simple as a dare, well, then I can’t help him.” She haughtily pushed the man aside as she walked to the small heater in the back of the room, lifting her teapot off the top. “Would you like some tea?” she asked again, grabbing two tea cups, ignoring his protests as she continued to pour. However, when she came and handed him the tea cup, he arrogantly slapped it out of her hand. 

Small, dangerously sharp fragments scattered across the floor, hot tea seeping through the old floorboards and running down the cracks. 

The man wouldn’t have noticed, but she could see the small tightening above her mother’s brow, the look she gave when she was annoyed. The man didn’t move as she neatly bent down and grabbed a shard of ceramic and stood up, running the jagged piece between her fingers. “Come here,” she said quietly, and she knew that was meant for her. She wasted no time scrambling to her feet and running to her mother’s side, hiding behind the folds of her dress from the scary man. “Let me see your doll.” She hesitated, unwilling to part with her new toy, but eventually gave it up when her mother merely held a waiting hand out. 

Long fingers closed around the doll’s small body, the other hand still holding the jagged cup piece like a weapon. 

“I’m going to ask you one more time, where is my-” He never finished as he gasped in pain and shock, his eyes looking up at the stoic face of her mother. He staggered back, holding his side in pain as blood began to seep and stain the side of his coat. Her mother lifted the weapon up in front of the fire, a smile growing on her lips at the sight of dripping blood at the ends. She looked back down at her, a maddening, glistening look in her mother’s eyes. 

“I’m going to give you a present. Would you like it?” She looked back to the man, the man leaning against the wall as he attempted to run away, sweat glistening on his face. The fire made his face glow a bright white, the sweat almost as decoration. Her mother put a hand on her head tenderly. “Yes, that is your present. Shall I make it for you now?” She knew better than to say no, so she nodded her head obediently. 

“You…you’re insane!” the man shouted weakly, his knees buckling under him as he gasped for air, rolling over in pain. 

“Your brother had the exact same look.” She ignored the shocked look sent her way as she turned the doll face up, her thumb running over the crudely stitched heart on its chest. “He begged me to let him go, to spare him.” She meticulously dabbed the bloody edge of the chip onto the heart, filling it in completely. “Hold this for me.” She dutifully took the bloody chip from her mother, making sure not to get any of the blood on her fingers. 

“You…you…b-bitch…” he whispered, his eyes lighted with rage but his body too weak to move. Her mother just gave her an amused smile before walking over to the bleeding man, kneeling in front of him. He took a swing at her, though his arm bent before he could touch her and it merely fell uselessly by his side. She tsked him chidingly, then reached out and plucked a handful of his hair. 

She came back in front of the fire and grabbed her needle and thread again, now carefully stitching the tufts of hair to the top of the doll’s head. Her mother glanced down at her. “What are you doing still holding that? Throw it in the fire before you dirty your hands.” She obeyed as she tossed it in the fire, pulling back when the fire jumped and eagerly licked the shard. 

The man, the pain now numbing as he held his wound the best he could, was now watching what her mother was doing. She finished the last of the stitching, using her teeth to cut the string. “W-what….what are you doing…?”

“Hmm?” She looked up from her handiwork, feigning innocence before waving the doll at him. “Don’t you see? I’m making a doll for my daughter.” 

“Why…why? My blood…and hair…” 

“Ah, you’ll see in a minute.” She turned back to her, grabbing another shard off the floor and kneeling in front of her. “Let me see your arm.” She hesitated, knowing exactly what her mother wanted to do, but in the end held her hand out to her. Her mother gave her another smile, taking her hand before slashing a large gash into the side of her forearm. 

Pools of blood rushed to the opening of the wound, rivets of the warm liquid rushing down the sides of her hand. 

The man yelped at the sight, struggling to sit up and crawl towards her. “What are you doing…? You’re crazy….!”

“They always say that, don’t they?” her mother laughed again, using the bloodied shard to collect some of her blood, this time using it to drip over the doll’s eyes. “They don’t understand that it’ll heal eventually.” She finished the one eye and moved onto the next, circling the large eye until the once pale circle was now a dark, thick red. 

“You…you crazy, insane, mental-”

“And...done.” The moment she finished the man’s voice cut off, and when they both looked up they saw him frozen in place, his mouth still hanging open from speaking. He was completely frozen, though if she looked closely she could see his eyes filled with fear, looking around in panic. “There you go, he’s all yours now.” She handed her back the doll and she hesitantly accepted it, hugging it to her chest and looking back at the man. His expression frightened her. “Ah, you’re still bleeding. Let Mommy clean that for you.” 

She felt herself lifted up and placed in her mother’s chair, one hand hugging the doll, the other lifted up for her mother to tend. She winced at the antibiotics dabbed onto her wound, looking away as her mother stitched up the wound. She didn’t like the sight of being put back together like the dolls. She finally looked back when a pretty, white bandage was wrapped, numbing the pain. “Now, doesn’t that feel better?” She nodded and her mother smiled, ruffling her hair. “I’ll go get you some milk. Stay here, okay?” 

Her mother walked around the man’s figure as she made her way back to the heater, bending down to the small refrigerator and pulling out a glass bottle. As she poured her a cup, she looked up with a chuckle. “Are you going to leave him like that forever?” 

She started in embarrassment as she quickly pulled the doll up to eye level and pulled both arms down to its sides, watching as the man did the exact same. His eyes looked from the doll to her in horror, no doubt realizing what was happening. She grabbed its torso and straightened its back, allowing the man to finally stand up. “Good girl,” her mother said approvingly, handing her the glass of milk. In her excitement she dropped the doll in favor of the drink, and watched in surprise when the man fell to the floor. She hurriedly picked the doll back up. “Well. He’s much better when he’s not talking.” 

The man looked to her mother with tears in his eyes, something that only seemed to make her mother laugh. “Do you realize what’s happening? You’re a doll now, and you belong to my daughter. So be a good boy for her, will you?” She turned back to her and kissed the top of her forehead. “I’m running low on fabric and thread, so I’ll be back in a little bit.” She whimpered at the idea of her mother leaving without her. “Don’t be so upset. You have your doll here now, he’ll keep you company.” 

Tears ran down the man’s cheeks. 

Her mother’s mouth opened in surprise when the man suddenly moved forward, arms outstretched, and awkwardly wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She looked down at her to see her holding the doll in the exact same position, her mouth turned in a small frown. “Come back soon…” 

“Come back soon…,” the man said in the same tone as her, his eyes wide when his mouth moved on its own. 

She smiled as she patted both the man’s and her head, peeling him off of her. “I will. Don’t leave this room while I’m gone.” She nodded, and her mother wasted no time grabbing her things and running out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

For the longest time, the only sounds echoing in the dark room were the sound of the grandfather clock ticking and the sound of the crackling fire. Her eyes never left the man as she silently sipped her milk, watching his eyes roam across the room the best they could, finally resting on her. She suddenly became embarrassed as she quickly looked down into her glass.

She never had her own doll before. Her mother had made many dolls before, Seok-jinnie being the newest one, but she never had a doll to herself before. She looked back up to see him still staring at her, and she whimpered. “Please don’t stare at me, you scare me.” The man’s eyes widened as he glanced down towards his mouth, confusion crossing them when he realized he didn’t speak. She tried to smile reassuringly at him, though it only seemed to scare him. “You only speak when I talk to this,” she held up the doll, “so don’t worry.”

She finished her milk and leaned over to place it on the edge of her mother’s table, making sure to avoid touching her needles. “Are you thirsty? Mommy did make some tea. If you want, I can give you some before she comes back.” He didn’t answer, he couldn’t answer, and she gasped embarrassedly again. She bent down over the doll and ran a finger over its mouth, at the same time the man gasped as if from holding his breath.

She looked up to see him panting, his head still frozen in place but now his mouth open and under his control. His eyes turned back to her. “You…what’s going on?”

She hugged the doll closer to her as if a barrier and the man winced as he felt a sharp pain across his entire waist. “You don’t realize it yet, but you’re a doll now.”

“What the hell does that even mean?”

She flinched at his curse. “Please don’t use curse words. Mommy doesn’t like them.”

He closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath, the annoyance in his eyes almost palpable. “What… what does being a doll mean?”

She raised the doll up so he could see, delicately lifting an arm and watching as his arm did the same. “You and the doll are the same now. You’re my doll now.” She squeezed the doll to her chest and the man violently bent at the waist, unwillingly mimicking the movements. Even now, the idea of having her own doll was exciting, amazing.

“How…how are you doing that? What did that bitch do to me?” She winced at the curse, no longer wanting to correct the bad man who constantly swore at her. She turned away in favor of the fire, the flames roaring with life. She curled her knees to her chest as she pet the doll’s head lovingly, feeling the tufts of hair stitched to its head.

“I…have a question.” She looked up in surprise to see him staring at her pleadingly. “That bi…woman said my brother was here. Have you seen him? His name is Seok-jin-”

“Seok-jinnie?” The man started at that, panic and worry written all over his face.

“You’ve seen him?”

She nodded. “He’s in the base-” She hurriedly stopped herself, slapping her mouth lightly. Her mother was going to be furious.

“The basement? He’s there now? Can you take me to see him? Please-”

“I’m not allowed down there. Mommy only brings Seok-jinnie up to play with me sometimes.”

“But you know where they come from, right? Just take me there, and I-”

“No!” she said alarmingly, hastily running her fingers back over the doll’s mouth, silencing the man once again. Her heart beat erratically, the man’s questions and her betrayal to her mother weighing heavily on her mind. Punishingly, she grabbed the doll’s arm and slapped its mouth, watching as the man slapped his own mouth. “Bad! Bad bad bad!” She angrily threw the ragdoll to the ground, the thump of the man falling following after. “You’re a bad doll!”

She turned around the table, ready to run away, but felt her feet freeze the moment she saw the tears welling in the man’s eyes, his eyes puffy red. His mouth trembled slightly, the tears falling down his cheeks, and her eyes trailed down to the blood stain growing at his side. Her eyes widened as she ran to his side, pushing away his arms and lifting his shirt. Her cheeks reddened embarrassedly at seeing his stomach, so she focused only on the large wound in his side.

Her mother must have stabbed him very hard; she couldn’t see how far the wound traveled. “You’re bleeding a lot,” she said uselessly, her mind racing as she tried to think of what to do. The man was dying; if he died, what became of her doll? She looked down at her white bandage and ran to the cupboard near the fire, pulling out her mother’s kit. She hurried back to his side, flipping it open and staring in confusion at the mess of bandages and needles. “I don’t know what to do!”

He looked at her in fear, his mouth still trembling, and she knew he was scared of her. She lifted a needle and his whole head shook, and she noticed her own hand shook too. She threw it back down, too scared to stitch him up like her mother. So she just grabbed a white towel, laid it over the wound, and then taped it with the white tape. “Does it still hurt?” she asked, pressing down on the wound. He gasped in pain and she panicked. “Here, take this!” she pulled out a bottle of pills and uncapped it, dropping out a handful.

She pressed one of the pills to his lips, frowning when he refused to open his mouth. “This will make you hurt less.” When he didn’t obey, she frustratingly ran over and grabbed the discarded doll, running a finger over his lips. He gasped as his mouth suddenly opened wide, whipping his head over to glare at her.

“Don’t you come a step closer to me!”

“But these will make you feel better! I promise!” She made a move to step forward and he shouted again.

“Stay away! Don’t give me those pills! I won’t let you poison me!” He hissed at her when she stepped forward again, though that was the exact moment when her mother came back, the door creaking as she pushed it open. She looked up with dread as she was caught red-handed with her mother’s medicine kit out and her sloppily placed bandages. She abruptly dropped the pills and watched them scatter across the ground.

“What are you doing?” her mother shrieked, dropping her bags to the ground and running over, hurriedly picking the pills up. She dumped them back into the bottle and tiredly pushed her hair behind her ears, looking at her exasperatedly. “What were you doing with this?” She drew in on herself, frightened by her mother’s ferocity, something her mother seemed to notice as she quickly changed her tone. “Was the cut on your arm hurting you?”

Hesitantly she pointed over to the man who now had his eyes squeezed shut tight as if in pain. Her mother sighed again at the sight of him, her eyes trailing over the bandages. “Was he bleeding?” She nodded. “Well, we can’t have your special doll hurt, now can we? I’ll stitch him up for you.” Her mother reached out and took the medicine box, pulling out a needle and string. “Could you pull the bandage off for me?”

She flinched when the man screamed out as she ripped the bandage clean off, the towel soaked in his blood. Her mother looked up at her in surprise before continuing onto stitching the man’s large wound. “You let him speak?” They ignored the sound of the man crying and whimpering as she slid the needle through his skin. “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, he’s your doll.”

“Stop with this doll bullshit! I’m a human being!” He cried out when she deliberately stabbed him with the needle, begrudgingly shutting his mouth.

“Do not curse in front of my daughter. I let you before because I was busy making the doll. But now you’re not allowed to again. Understand?” She purposefully tugged on the string tightly, and the man pitifully made a noise in the back of his throat, agreeing. Her mother finished stitching the wound and expertly applied the bandage, patting it warmly. “There you go, all better.”

She leaned over and picked the doll back up, slowly sitting him up so the man could sit up. The man winced, she let him grab his side, and he let out a large gasp.

“Sorry about it being so deep. I just wanted your blood. Once it heals you’ll be fine.”

“Why…? Why are you doing this?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you do this to me? Why did you use that thing to take my body from me?”

“Don’t think of it that way, your body is still yours. No, think of the doll as an extension of yourself. What happens to you happens to the doll, and vice versa. This doll is you now.” Her mother turned to clean up the mess she had made, fixing up her medicine box. “But you’ll get used to it. Once you and the doll start to synchronize, you’ll be able to move more freely. You won’t always be so stiff.” Her mother got up, and she scrambled to her feet, unwilling to stay with the man any longer than necessary.

“Now you,” she said, now addressing her, “need to be careful with that doll. You can’t just throw it around or forget about it. He’s yours now, so be extra careful.” She nodded before sneaking a glance over at the man, hurriedly looking away when she locked eyes with him. “Now go wash up. Mommy needs to start making dinner for the lot of you.”

She started to leave but her mother swiftly grabbed her wrist, stopping her. “Where do you think you’re going, leaving the doll? You need to have that on you at all times.” She bowed her head apologetically, taking the doll before running off to the bathroom.

When she came back, she could hear her mother’s voice speaking to the man, and she hid just behind the corner of the hallway. She knew eavesdropping was bad, and her mother would be very angry if she found out, but she wanted to listen.

“What is your name?” her mother asked casually as she pleasantly chopped the meat laid out on the table, her needles and thread having been put away. She peeked out slightly to see the man glaring at her, his face so tight and scary. It didn’t seem to bother her mother. “You can glare all you want, but it’s not going to help you. You might as well just answer my question.” When he didn’t answer, she lifted her knife up, her finger running over the dull edge of the blade. “Just think, if the doll is the same as you, what would happen if I ran this over-”

“C-Cha Hak-yeon,” he whimpered, his face suddenly full of fear.

Her mother smiled as she went back to cutting up the meat. “That’s a lovely name. We’ll need to change it.”

“W-why-”

“It’s not a good idea to know a doll’s real name. It’s bad luck. Now, let me think…what letter was I on? Hmm…ah, yes, N. Do you know the English alphabet?” He opened his mouth to answer but she only cut him off. “Of course you do. You look like a smart boy. You’re the fourteenth, so we’ll just call you N.”

“Why such a demeaning-”

“How old are you?” He didn’t answer, though it only took her waving the knife to make him talk.

“N-nineteen.”

“You’re only nineteen and you talk like that? What kind of parents did you have? I would never let my daughter speak like you.” She finished cutting and scooped the meat into a bowl, moving on to seasoning.

“What…what about my parents? They don’t know that I came here, they’ll be looking for me-”

“You don’t have to worry about them. They’ll never find you here.” She flashed him a wide smile, though he looked far from returning it.

“What about Seok-jin? Your daughter said he was in the basement. When would I be able to see him?” Both she and the man jumped when her mother slammed the bowl onto the table, her eyes fierce.

“She said what?” She gasped and both the man and her mother looked over to her; she tried to get as small as she could. Her mother wasted no time making her way over to the fire and pulling out the iron rod. “Get over here! Now!” She let out a small whimper as she padded over, looking up through her bangs at her mother’s tight face. “You know better!”

She yelped when her mother snatched her wrist and held fast as she wailed on her butt with the rod. She didn’t dare cry or yell out, that would only make her mother angrier, but she couldn’t help the stinging tears that dripped down her face. Her whole backside burned, and her mother’s screaming fell on deaf ears. She really couldn’t hear what she said; only that she was mad and was hitting her.

“Stop it! What are you hitting her for?” She forced her eyes open in between spanks to see the man staring at her in worry. She weakly lifted her hand holding the doll and brought a finger to her lips. It was best not to talk when her mother was angry.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, her mother let go of her wrist and threw the rod to the floor. “Don’t ever speak of the basement, do you understand?” She nodded weakly and that seemed to appease her, her mother huffing as she went back to cooking.

She waited until her mother was distracted before shifting enough to lift the doll up. She had the man lift up very slowly, her burning eyes watching to see if her mother reacted. When she didn’t, she had him stand up all the way. He winced, though this time she didn’t pay attention as she had him walk up to her and kneel down, his hands, which were surprisingly soft, cupping her face. She made him gently lift her up and place her in his lap, his back to her mother.

She burrowed her face into his side, her whole body still throbbing. “Are you okay?” he whispered, and she looked up to see his eyes full of worry. “I didn’t mean to get you hurt.” Her only response was to make him hold her tighter.

“Don’t try speaking with her,” her mother voiced out; she stiffened at the sound. “She doesn’t speak much.” She looked up to see the man open his mouth to speak, and she speedily made him cover his mouth. She held a finger to his lips, and only a few seconds did she finally pull his hand away.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he whispered again, but this time she wasn’t able to stop him.

“I told you not to talk to her!” Her mother shrieked as she stalked over, grabbing the discarded iron rod and slamming it on the man’s back. His face contorted in pain as he shouted out painfully, his body stiff as he wasn’t able to move. Tears flooded his eyes as he cried out. “Both of you get out of my sight. No dinner for either of you.” Her mother threw down the rod angrily, unmoving as she waited for them to leave.

Even though her body burned and she didn’t want to move, she forced herself to stand up, her legs wobbling. The man made all sorts of noise as she made him stand up, taking his hand in hers. “Sorry,” she said quickly before dragging the man out before either of them could be punished further.


	3. Chapter 3

Cha Hak-yeon had, for all intents and purposes, just fucked up his entire life. There was probably nothing in the world that would amount to the situation he was in right now –his back hurting like hell and being helplessly led away by a little girl.

He hadn’t expected this when he stepped in the house that afternoon. This was all because the stupid gang that his brother had been hanging around had dared him to break into the creepy house at the end of the street. The house was famous in their neighborhood, rumored to be cursed because it seemed abandoned and yet ghosts had been spotted entering. One ghost that multiple people had seen was that of a little girl, her small face pressed against the window and staring out longingly.

That little girl now dragged him into a small room at the end of a long hallway, quickly turning around and closing the door behind him. He opened his mouth to say something when she shushed him, for the third time, and hobbled over to the bed, hiding under the covers. He sighed. He may have had his body taken away and given to this girl, he may never see his mother again, he may never get to do anything ever again, but he couldn’t stand the guilt that it was his words that had gotten this tiny girl beaten.

He started when his body started to move on its own, his legs walking over to the bed. His hands, no matter how hard he tried, steadied himself as he climbed onto the bed. He pushed away the covers to see her lying there with that stupid doll in hand, controlling him with it. She made him lie down next to her and pull her into a hug, fixing the blanket over them. As much as he was hating all his life choices and that woman in the kitchen, he couldn’t force himself to be mad at this girl. Especially when all she really made him do was hug her. Did her mother hug her?

“Are you okay?” she asked in a whisper, and he looked down at her surprisingly. Her mother had said she never spoke, and while he had heard her before, she hadn’t spoken a word since.

“Yeah,” he said softly, unable to nod his head. Not really though, his back was still burning and he wanted to curl in a ball and die.

“Don’t talk when Mommy is angry. It makes her angrier.” Yeah, he figured that out.

“What about you? She hit you more than me.” He looked over at his hand when it suddenly started patting her head, and he sighed. Did that woman never do anything for this girl that she had to use him to comfort her?

“It’s okay…it stops hurting after a while.” She rolled over to look up at him, her big eyes looking so innocent while she held his doll captive.

“Hey…about Seok-jin-”

“Shh,” she hissed, her eyes flashing towards the door as if expecting her mother to burst through. After a few long seconds, she relaxed in his arms. “Don’t talk about him. It’s dangerous.”

“But he’s my brother. I just want to know if he’s okay.” She looked down reluctantly. “Please. He’s my baby brother.”

“He’s okay,” she said finally, whispering. “He hasn’t been here very long, so he doesn’t move a lot yet.” He felt tears fog his eyes, overwhelming guilt rising in his chest at the thought of poor Seok-jin in the same position as him. That whole time he was here, confined inside of his own body by a doll. If only he had been a better brother and watched him better, didn’t insist on leaving him so he could meet his friends. Well, at least he was being punished for it too, his eyes glancing at the doll.

“You said your mom brings him up to play sometimes right? How often does she do that?” She looked uncertain, so he changed tactics. “You’re not talking about the basement, only Seok-jin. You won’t get in trouble.”

“She…only brings him up when she has to go somewhere.”

“Do you have his doll?”

She shook her head. “Mommy keeps all the dolls with her. She only lets me play with Seok-jinnie’s.”

He choked back a sob at the thought of Seok-jin being played with like a toy. “Is…is he…he’s not…” He paused for a second as he tried to regain his composure. “She’s not hurting him is she?”

“No…” she muttered, staring at him as if he was an alien. “Seok-jinnie is really good. Mommy likes him.”

“T-that’s good…” he whispered, a wave of relief washing over him. Seok-jin is smart, he wasn’t stubborn like him and beaten. She probably didn’t stab him to get his blood, and is probably treating him well.

“You’re crying.”

He blinked through his tears to see her still staring at him, a small frown on her lips. With an attempted chuckle that sounded little more than a strangled whimper, he tried to wipe away his tears away to calm her, though quickly remembered he couldn’t move. That would take a long time to get used to.

He squeezed his eyes shut when she reached up and wiped his tears away with her palm. “Did Mommy give you a name?”

“She couldn’t have been serious, could she? How could she give me a letter as a name?”

“She does that with all of her dolls.”

“What about Seok-jin? You still call him by that name-”

“He’s special. Mommy let him keep his name.” He yelped when he suddenly rolled over, a new wave of pain shooting through his back. Before he could ask what she was doing, she pulled his shirt up, running her small hands down his back. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? That bitch was the one who hit me.” He bit his tongue at the curse, remembering the last time he swore. Luckily, the girl didn’t seem to have heard him, instead letting her hands flit down the welt.

“Mommy named you ‘N’, didn’t she?” He groaned inwardly at the stupid letter that was supposed to be his name. He had a name, a really good name, one that meant much more than a letter could. But maybe the girl was different, maybe she would understand how stupid it was.

“Don’t call me that. Just call me-”

“I can’t call you by your name, it’s bad luck,” she said hurriedly, cutting him off before he could say his name. After a while, she added, “That’s what Mommy says. Does your back feel better?” He didn’t answer, sighing resignedly when he felt his body sit up and lean against the wall. He decided it useless to tell her leaning hurt.

The girl sat across from him, the doll in her lap with his arms wrapped protectively around it. “What’s your name?” The girl stared at him in confusion, as if she had never been asked the question. Seeing how this house was so far, that didn’t seem to be too far from the truth. She glanced at the door and he rolled his eyes in annoyance. “If you’re going to call me N, then the least you can do is tell me your name.”

“Saet-byul.” He blinked when he realized it was his own voice that had said the name, and he noticed how she held the doll to her mouth. It made his stomach tighten painfully, the thought that even his own voice was out of his control. “Saet-byul-ah,” he said affectionately. “Saet-byullie. Saet-byul.”

“What are you doing?” he cut in exasperatedly between words. The doll dropped from her fingers and he felt his body jolt.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, and he immediately felt bad. “I just like how you say my name.” As much as he wanted to shout and curse, he could only look sympathetically at the small girl. He wondered how she was able to survive in this crazy house where she was beaten for the stupidest reasons and raised to make dolls out of people.

“Does your mother say your name?” he asked.

“No. Only we live here, so Mommy doesn’t need to. You…you’re the only one who knows it, because you’re my doll.” She sent him a tiny smile, and he wasn’t sure to feel complimented or scared. But luckily he didn’t have to think of a response, the girl pulling him down and swiftly pulling the blanket covers down over their heads. She reached over and pulled his eyelids down, shushing him, right before the door creaked open.

It could only be one person, and he inwardly tensed at idea of being in the same room as her. He hated her, wanted to kill her; but he was completely helpless. He was powerless to do anything she did, and for that reason he was scared to death.

They both listened as the footsteps slowly walked over, the bed springs squeaking when she sat down. Saet-byul’s fingers holding his hand tightened, and he opened his eyes slightly to see her face scrunched up in slight fear. He snapped his eyes shut when the woman pulled the covers back.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and he peeked through one eye to see the woman pull Saet-byul’s skirt down. She took out some ointment and gently applied it to her backside. “I’m sorry, my baby girl. I don’t want to hurt you, but you know better than to talk about the basement.” She finished and pulled her skirt back up, laying a hand on her head, almost lovingly. Then she suddenly looked up and he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping she didn’t see him. The bed shifted and he felt himself rolled over, his shirt slowly being peeled off his back. This probably was the one time he was grateful his body couldn’t move.

He felt something cold on his back, and he realized she was lotioning his back too. Her fingers dug into his skin and he hissed, realizing he gave away that he was awake. “Be thankful you’re my daughter’s doll,” she hissed in his ear. “If you were mine I would have left you to rot.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“I need someone to watch over her, and most of my dolls are broken. She needs someone. I was going to go out and look for someone, but you just happened to walk right in. It was perfect.” She slapped his back when she was done, not caring to pull his shirt back down, and stood up. “If you do anything to her, then her doll be damned. I’ll kill you myself.” He would never forget that look in her eye; that stare sending chills up his spine.

He did try to glare the best he could from his position, though by then the woman was barely visible out of the corner of his eye. She didn’t make another sound until he heard the sound of the door closing. He would never admit to how much she made his heart race in fear. No matter how crazy she was, she had stabbed him.

Saet-byul stirred next to him; he had forgotten she had been awake. She blinked up at him, shifting slightly and grabbing her backside. “Mommy is always mean to new dolls. After a while, she’ll get nicer.” She sent him a wide smile that only made the insides of him twist violently at the thought that he would be here long enough to see that.  
~*~*~*~*~*~

 

She waited patiently for the man to finish chewing before scooping another spoonful of rice out of the bowl and placing a piece of fish on top, pushing it into his open mouth. The man didn’t utter a single word as he silently chewed the food, his face expressionless. She shivered as a small breeze ran though the unheated house, the winter morning air freezing cold. She looked over to her unmoving companion, the only indication he was alive being the small fog from his breath. She glanced away before scooping another spoonful for herself, chewing it slowly and deliberately.

The only reason for their unending silence was the sharp glare from her mother that was sent in their direction. She shifted a little more to sit in between her mother and the man, hoping it would help to raise his spirits.

It had been a little over a week since the newest addition to the family, this addition being extremely special in that this one was hers alone. Seeing as it was hers, she wanted to shower him with love and make him feel happy; though after the first day he seemed to fall into a bit of deepening depression, not speaking a single word. The only time he would move without her forcing him was just opening his mouth to eat. He robotically opened his mouth and let her put the next scoop of rice on his tongue, and she watched him with concern as he merely chewed. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, if there was anything she could do to help, but couldn’t. Not with her mother diligently watching.

She glanced down at the now empty plate of food and let her shoulders slump, another morning where she couldn’t get a single reaction out of the man. She stood up to bring the plate to the wash bucket, and her mother didn’t waste a single second. “What are you doing? Let your doll do it.” She paused, looking over to see the man staring straight at the woman, his eyes holding more emotion then than any other time so far. She turned back to meet her mother’s waiting look, her fingers around the plate trembling, and shook her head.

Her mother was on her feet in a second, racing over and snatching the man’s wrist, yanking him to his feet. His whole face scrunched up and she could see him quietly gasp out in pain. “He is your doll for a reason. Make him wash that plate.” She shook her head again and her mother’s face reddened, her whole body shaking, and she dragged the man over to her. She nearly threw him at her, yanking the plate from her fingers and shoving it in his direction. “Make him.”

The man didn’t move to take the offered plate, his body still unable to move after being attached to the doll. Her mother angrily pried his fingers open and slammed it in his hand, making him clutch it.

She hurriedly snatched the plate back and ran to the wash bucket, throwing it in. She didn’t have to turn around to know how angry her mother was, and when she did turn, her head snapped to the side from the painful slap her mother gave her. “If I tell you to do something,” she said, speaking slowly and deliberately enunciating each word, “then you do it. You are not supposed to be doing chores anymore. That’s your doll’s job.”

She bowed in apology, knowing there was no other way to ask her mother for forgiveness, and quickly snatched the man’s hand in an attempt to pull him away. He followed her unreservedly, having no other choice, but his eyes never left her mother, the anger in that look alone able to rival her mother’s.

She wasted no time in running back to her room, pulling the man inside and shutting the door behind them. She took a second to take a deep breath, her hands still gripping the doorknob, before she turned around to give the man a bright smile. He just looked at her with the same expression he always did after her mother scolded her. She tried to ignore that look as she grabbed a hold of his sleeve and dragged him to her bed, letting him sit down.

“I’m sorry that she grabbed you like that,” she said apologetically, pulling away his coat and lifting his shirt, pointedly looking away from his stomach. She checked his bandages and sighed with relief when there seemed to be no opening of his injuries. She was just putting down his shirt when he spoke up.

“Why do you always let her hit you?” She paused, her fingers still holding the soft fabric of his shirt, and she slowly looked up to see him staring at her, his eyes almost sad. She pretended to ignore him as she went back to checking him over, and when there was nothing left she turned around and pretended to be searching for something in the few boxes in the corner of her room. He spoke again, again in the tone of voice that made her feel bad. “Why don’t you ever say anything to her?”

She turned back around to face him, both excited that he was speaking and sad that it was over something that was so dangerous. “It’s best not to speak to her when she’s upset. It’ll only make her angrier.” She reached out and picked up the doll off the bed, swinging his arms open in a presumably welcoming gesture. She made sure to avoid looking at his face as she sat down on his lap, making him lovingly wrap his arms around her. She knew he didn’t like it when she forced him to do things, but his hug was so warm. She liked it.

“Saet-byul,” he said tiredly, and she felt her body melt into his, her cheeks red from the mere whisper of her name, “does your mother hug you?”

She buried her face into his chest, listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat. She had never thought of her mother in that way; the fact that her mother never hugged her or said her name had seemed normal. She had never felt sad about it, but with her doll now, hugging her and calling her name, it made her want it more than anything before. When she didn’t answer, he sighed again and clicked his tongue.

They stayed that way for the longest time, the man having no other choice but to hold her, though eventually her eyes trailed up to catch a glimpse of his face, staring and memorizing his features. His face was very long, just like a doll’s with a pointed chin and sharp jaw. His hair was a light greyish color, and while wasn’t sure if that was a real hair color, seeing as of the few dolls she had seen, most had been black, she couldn’t know otherwise. She reached up and tugged slightly on the whitish piece of hair, his eyes following her every movement but staying silent.

However, as much as she wanted to stay like that forever, being hugged by her doll, she flew from his embrace at the sound of footsteps coming towards her room. She barely managed to put a finger to her lips as a warning to the man before the door burst open. She started in surprise to see her mother standing dressed as if to leave, something extremely rare.

Her mother’s eyes flickered between the man and her before facing her completely. “I have to leave for the day. Would you like me to bring Seok-jin up to play? I doubt that doll of yours would be much entertainment.” The man made a noise behind her and she only hoped he didn’t say anything.

She nodded and that seemed to please her, her mother reaching out and giving her hand a small squeeze before leaving. The man spoke frantically the moment she was gone. “Seok-jin? Is she bringing him out?”

She had him stand up; his wide eyes focused solely on her as she reached up and fixed his jacket, making him bend slightly so she could fix his hair. “Yes, it’s Seok-jinnie. So you have to make sure to look extra nice.”

She took him by the hand, nicely this time, and led him back to the main room, shivering at the change in temperature. The man’s eyes ran over the room multiple times in anticipation, and even she was getting excited to see him. “You really love him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” At that moment there was the sound of a rustle, and she quickly slapped a hand over the man’s eyes so he wouldn’t see the door to the basement. He hissed but stayed silent, luckily right before her mother swung the rusted door open of the basement open, pushing a boy forward. He was blindfolded, and he stumbled slightly as he tripped over his own feet. But her mother paid him no attention as she shut the door, locked it, and then turned to her.

“I’ll be back in a while. There’s food you can heat up later for the three of you.” Seok-jin turned his head slightly at that but stayed silent. She nodded and her mother barely stayed long enough to wave goodbye before heading out, the sound of the door closing starting an uncomfortable silence.

She glanced over at the man to see him staring at Seok-jinnie, and she could see small tears collecting at the edges of his eyes. Without a word she stepped forward and untied the blindfold, giving the boy a small smile that he did anything but reciprocate. His hard eyes went immediately from her face to her hands and she instinctively tightened her hold on the man’s doll. But he didn’t look at her long, his eyes eventually turning to the man, and widening as his mouth dropped.

“Hyung…?” he asked, and she turned around to see the man looking as if he wanted to hug him, the tears from before now dripping off his chin.

“Seok-jin…” he whimpered, and she took a couple steps back so they could talk; she didn’t want to be in the middle of them. “You…you really were here…”

“What are you doing here?” Seok-jin suddenly snapped; his voice loud and harsh in the cold winter air. “Don’t tell me…you!” He turned to her and jabbed at her with a finger, his body no longer constrained by the ties to the doll. “Did you and your horrid mother track down my brother? What the hell-”

“It wasn’t her,” the man said hurriedly. “I came here looking for you, that’s how I ended up here.”

“Why the fuck would you come looking for me? How many times did I tell you not to follow me?”

“You’re my brother! Of course I would look for you when you don’t come home-”

“And look where that’s gotten you! Stuck here as someone else’s bitch for the rest of your life-”

“Do you know how much you worried Mom? You were gone for a whole week, without a word! You were always irresponsible, if you had listened to me-”

“Fuck you!” Her eyes widened when Seok-jin moved to hit the man, and she quickly ran and held him back, unwilling to let him hurt her doll. Seok-jin’s glare turned to her and he shoved her away, surprising her with his sudden viciousness. Before, he never raised his voice and would speak softly to her, and while he didn’t talk much had seemed like a nice person. This sudden cursing, scary boy was nothing of what she was expecting, and it scared her.

“What are you doing?” the man shouted, the first time she’d heard him shout since the time he’d first stepped into their home. “Do you want to die? Don’t push her!”

“Fuck her! Fuck her fucking mom! Fuck all of you! What did I do to deserve this? I haven’t even done anything yet! But no, I get stuck here with that damn doll and stuck pleasing this bitch-” he looked around wildly, worked up, and grabbed the skillet off of the heater, chucking all the food her mother had left for them onto the floor. Her eyes widened when Seok-jin moved towards them menacingly, stumbling as she ran to hide behind the man. “How do you like it now, huh? Want to keep playing?”

“What are you doing? Put that down!”

“Why are you defending her? She’s the one that trapped us here!”

“No she isn’t! Her mother’s the one you should be trying to hit with that pan. Saet-byul hasn’t done anything, don’t hit her.”

She stiffened when he said her name suddenly, and Seok-jin was just as surprised, the pan lowering slightly. “You know her name?”

“Of course, she told me.”

“She talked to you?” Seok-jin glanced at her before breaking out into a laugh, the skillet tapping the floor as he leaned backward. His whole chest heaved before he stood back up, completely serious. “None of us know her name. She’s never talked before.” She glanced up to see him looking down at her, and she looked away in embarrassment. She didn’t want her doll to know such things, didn’t want him to know about the others and the fact that she was forbidden to speak with them. She just wanted him to stay with her and be happy.

“She talks with me all the time. She’s the one that told me her name, about you-”

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you. You’ve been here god knows how long; why haven’t you been in the basement too?” Her eyes snapped open at the mention of the basement, and she could see the man’s face change with curiosity. She turned to Seok-jin, motioning at him to stop talking, but that only seemed to encourage him. He smirked at her as he continued. “We’re all down there, why haven’t you been forced down there with us? Chained, tor-”

She wouldn’t let him finish as she lifted her doll and shoved the man forward, making him grab Seok-jin’s head and cover his mouth. Both looked surprised, and she tried to apologize, letting the man let him go after a few seconds. “Sorry,” the man whispered, and Seok-jin didn’t waste time shoving him away.

“You know, maybe being someone’s bitch is good for you. You’re not acting much different than before.” Seok-jin sneered, though both her and Seok-jin’s faces turned to worry when the man’s face suddenly turned white as a sheet, a veil of sweat drenching his face. “Hyung…? What’s wrong?” The man huffed as a hand involuntarily flew to his side. His eyes rolled back into his head as he gasped for air before collapsing to the ground in pain.

“N!” she shouted in worry, running to his side and cupping his face in her hands, her eyes running over him to try and find where he was in pain. “N, where are you hurt?” His eyes opened briefly, his mouth parting slightly, before he fell limp in her arms. She frantically pulled off her jacket and gently laid it under his head, ignoring Seok-jin as she ran over to her mother’s medicine kit, bringing it back over.

“What’s going on? What’s wrong with him?” Seok-jin demanded behind her. She didn’t pay him any attention as she already had an idea of where the man was hurt. She unzipped his coat and lifted his shirt up high, this time not caring about seeing his stomach. Her own stomach lurched at the sight of his bandage, now stained a dark red. He had been bleeding for a while. Why hadn’t he said anything? She ripped the bandage clean off, squealing at the yellowish-green pus around the stitched wound. Seok-jin didn’t react any better. “What the hell is that! What did you do to him? What happened to him?”

She grabbed a towel from the kit, squeezing her eyes shut as she brushed off all the collected pus, gagging at the horrid smell. Once it was cleaner, she looked back to see the wound a disgusting shade of purple, his skin swollen around the edges of the stitches. She panicked at the sight; she had no idea what to do and whatever this was was hurting the man a lot. She was in the middle of throwing things out of the kit when she felt something grab her wrist, Seok-jin staring at her.

“Do you have alcohol?” She stared at him blankly, not having any idea what that was, so he just pushed her aside and grabbed the kit himself. He searched through it only for a few seconds before pulling out a bottle. He opened it and only managed to pour half of it over the man’s wound before she snatched it out of his hand, convinced he was hurting him when the man shouted in pain. Seok-jin just shot her an annoyed look as he grabbed scissors next, expertly slicing through all of the stitches.

That was enough, and she snatched his hands, intent on not letting him hurt the man anymore, though he just wrenched away, glaring. “Will you stop it? I’m not going to kill him!” He turned back to the man and yanked out each one of the stitches, and she winced when the man moaned. “Do you have any more gauze?” She stared at him blankly again and he just rolled his eyes, searching through the kit some more until he pulled out the white tape. She watched as Seok-jin applied the bandage just like her mother did, and soon the man looked just fine, his breathing better and his face relaxed.

Seok-jin ran a hand through his hair before getting up, grabbing the dirty towels and tossing them into the fireplace. “It’s best to burn those. Next time there’s a fire make sure to do that.” She nodded, though her attention went right back to the man when he moaned, his eyes squeezed tight.

She leaned forward and pushed the bangs from his eyes, wiping away the sweat with her sleeve. “Are you feeling better?” His eyes opened at the sound of her voice, and he rolled his head over to get a better look at her. He gave her a small smile and she relaxed slightly, sighing with relief. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt? I would have cleaned it.” Seok-jin came over and sat by the man’s side as well, though he didn’t look nearly as concerned as he had before.

“Where did you get such a cut, huh? Don’t tell me you were being stupid or something-”

“It’s…that’s how she got my blood…”

“What?” Seok-jin started at that, leaning closer.

“When I came to ask where you were…when she made my doll…she stabbed me to get my blood…” He gasped in pain again and she quickly pulled his head to her chest, hugging him. She wasn’t able to help him when he was bleeding, she wasn’t able to fix his wound like her mother or Seok-jin, but she could hug him. She would hug him for as long as he wanted.

“She stabbed you? She doesn’t stab though. Like for me, she just pricked my finger a bunch of times, pretending I had indigestion. The others, she would just-” Without moving the man’s head, she reached over and covered his mouth. No matter what, she couldn’t let him talk about the basement. He yelled frustratingly, shoving her hand away, though he didn’t speak about the basement again. Instead, he turned back to the man, his eyes on the bandage. “Does…does it hurt a lot?”

“It’s not bad if I don’t move a lot…. You just irritated it when you shoved me.”

“When you’re hurt, you have to tell me, okay?” she asked, turning his head to make him look at her. When he didn’t answer, she pressed further. “Okay N?”

“Alright,” he said finally, and she hugged him tighter.

“Huh. You were right, she does talk to you.” She felt her cheeks redden, not even realizing she had been speaking in front of Seok-jin. The man scoffed, rolling his head over so he could give his brother a large smirk. Seok-jin turned to her and she flinched away, his angry outbursts and scary tantrums still fresh in her mind. He paused, sighing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout and act like that. I was just upset that hyung was here.” She didn’t respond as she just hugged the man’s head tighter, burying her face in his hair. “Don’t be like that-”

“Don’t push her,” the man said softly. “You threatened to beat her with a pan.” The man lifted his hands and gently pushed her away, hissing as he forced himself to sit up. He gasped as he grabbed his wound, wincing as his whole body shook. “Ah…this really hurts.” She watched him move for a little while longer until a thought suddenly hit her, and she looked around confusedly until she saw the discarded doll she had dropped earlier. She looked back and forth between the man and the doll a few times before her eyes widened in shock.

“N!” she shouted, getting both of their attention, the man pausing from checking the bandage himself. She crawled over to the doll and brought it back over, waving it in his face excitedly. “Look!”

“What about it?”

“You’re moving! You’re moving all on your own!” It took him a few seconds to register what she said, though when he did the biggest smile grew on his face. He looked down at himself, flexing his fingers and feeling along his chest and stomach before laughing out loud. She couldn’t help but laugh with him and throwing her arms around his neck, relishing in the feeling of him hugging her back. His arms were so warm.

Eventually, to her disappointment, he pulled away, feeling himself over again with excitement and turned to Seok-jin. “Seok-jinnie, I can move!”

“That’s wonderful,” Seok-jin replied with disinterest, his chin propped up by his palm. “You know, you’re fucking lucky. Not only do you have to not stay in the basement,” he dodged her hand coming for his mouth, swatting her away, “but you get to stay up here and talk with her.”

“Is it bad where you’re staying?” Seok-jin opened his mouth to answer but quickly stopped himself at the sight of her. The man’s face softened. “If I could, I would switch places with you. I’d rather be down there than stay here while knowing what you’re going through.” She panicked at that and grabbed a hold of his arm, something that he only sighed tiredly at and pushed her off. He went back to talking with Seok-jin, ignoring her, and she felt her heart sink into her stomach.

She didn’t want him to move. She wanted him to have to depend on her for the rest of their lives, his every action resting in her hands. She wanted to be able to sit on his lap with him holding her in his warm arms, his head resting on top of hers with his lips on her forehead. She wanted him to pull the blanket around them, in their own special embrace, where he would never let go. But…

But now he could move on his own. He no longer had to depend on her to eat or to move, now having the ability to do it on his own. He no longer had to hold her, hug her, keep her warm in his arms. He didn’t have to do any of that anymore. Now, if she forced him to do anything, he could react just as scary as Seok-jin did. This must be why her mother would grow tired of the dolls so quickly and throw them into the basement; when they no longer did what you want they weren’t special anymore.

She was distracted from her thoughts when a hand flashed before her face, signaling her in time to see a hand reaching out to grab the doll away from her. She shrieked as she scrambled away, the doll clutched tightly to her chest. When she calmed, she saw both of them staring at her in surprise, the man’s hand still in the air from trying to get the doll. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you. I only wanted to see the doll.”

She shook her head fiercely, squeezing the doll tightly, watching the man cough uncomfortably as he held his chest. She started when one of them, she honestly couldn’t tell who, shifted, and before either of them could do anything jumped to her feet and bolted from the room. She slammed the door behind her and crawled into her bed, throwing the blanket over her and shoving her head under the pillow. She shook.

She wanted her mother. Never before had she been in a situation where she was alone with dolls that could move freely on their own. She never imagined the dolls could be as scary as Seok-jin had been, and she didn’t want to wait to see the man react similarly. She needed her mother here, her reassuring presence being all she needed to feel more at ease around the others. Without her…

Safe underneath the protective covers of her blanket, she raised the doll to her face, fingering its cheek, twirling the stitched hair between her fingers, finally just pulling it close to her chest. This was her doll, her very first doll, so she was not about to let anyone else touch it, not even the man. No one was going to touch it.

“Don’t do it hyung!” she heard a whisper outside her door, and she rolled closer to the wall in an attempt to distance herself. She didn’t feel good, her stomach twisted and heaved; she didn’t want to see anyone. “Hyung!”

She flinched at the sound of the door opening, not even peeking out to check who it was since it could only be one person. The man walked over to the edge of her bed, the bed springs creaking when she sat down. “Are you okay?” His voice was so deep and close to her, she could imagine him leaning over her.

“Hyung! Leave her alone and get out of there!”

“Just a minute Seok-jin. What’s wrong?” He tugged the blanket down and frowned at the sight of her tears, something she quickly brushed away. She wished over and over again in her head that he couldn’t move. “She’s crying Seok-jin. I-” He stopped when she forced him to pull the covers back up, effectively hiding her face.

“Hyung!” she heard Seok-jin come in and she panicked, having the man reach over her to block him away.

“Stop shouting. You’re scaring her.” He pulled the covers back down and lifted her up, placing her on his lap. She paused mid-sniffle, freezing in the warmth of his arms that she didn’t force. It was warmer than all those other hugs combined. She fell completely into his embrace, missing the silent engagement between the two. “I’m sorry,” he said finally, breaking the silence that she had enveloped herself in. He shifted and she turned the doll over in her hands. With a small twitch of her fingers she made him lean down and lay his head on hers.


	4. Chapter 4

Seok-jin had always been hot-tempered, letting his emotions rule over his better judgments and letting his fists think for him. He really was a sweet boy when he was calm, and there were even days when the two of them could sit together placidly for their mother. He couldn’t even really blame Seok-jin fully, knowing how heavily his little brother had been scarred by the revelation that he was a bastard child. That’s why he had always tried to be understanding when it came to his brother, always looking out for him and helping him get out of the scrapes he always seemed to get himself into. But that meant nothing to Seok-jin, his brother hating him and his mother and constantly trying to run away.

It hurt that the one time he decided not to run after his brother was the time he became trapped as a doll.

He had to force himself not to cry when the horrid woman returned and promptly shoved his little brother back down into the basement, blindfolding and tying his hands together. Saet-byul held his doll tightly between her fingers and had somehow silenced his voice, binding him from moving or speaking. So he could only watch helplessly as his brother was torn from him a second time, the words that he was lucky he didn’t have to go to the basement ringing in his head.

Why did Seok-jin have to stay in the basement while he got to stay up here? It seemed so unfair.

Something must have happened to the woman when she was gone, the woman not sending him one hard look or harsh word. She even went as far as cooking the two of them an actual meal, ignoring the mess that Seok-jin had made earlier. Both he and Saet-byul looked at each other strangely, unsure of what to make of the woman’s sudden change in attitude. They were finally digging into their first bite when she sat down across from them, immediately causing him to lose his appetite.

“So I’m guessing you’ve started moving?” He blinked; surprised she was talking to him, and turned to Saet-byul next to him, the girl slowly nodding her head. “That’s good. There’s something I need to tell you two-” She was promptly interrupted by a loud knocking on the door, muffled shouting causing his hair to stand on end. The woman’s face hardened as she quickly shushed them, standing up.

“Take him and hide in your room. Do not come out until I tell you. Understand?” Before he had a chance to ask what was going on, Saet-byul was already on her feet, dragging him away. She pulled him all the way to her room, though she didn’t shut the door, peeking around the frame. He realized what she was trying to do and knelt next to her, peeking out too.

They could barely make out the conversation, her mother’s voice nearly inaudible. “What can I help you with?”

“Hello, I’m part of the police, detective Ma Choong-suk. We’re currently investigating the disappearance of Kim Seok-jin and Cha Hak-yeon.” He straightened at that, and tried to get up only to find his body suddenly frozen. He looked down to see Saet-byul staring at him, his doll in her hands. She stared at him pleadingly, one hand reaching out and taking his hand to pull it to her face. He opened his mouth to say something but she stopped that too, running a finger over his mouth. He sent her a betrayed look and she turned away, unable to look at him.

“I’ve never heard of those names before.”

“We have witnesses that said Kim Seok-jin was last seen coming into this house, and we have evidence to believe Cha Hak-yeon is here as well.”

“The only people who live here is me and my daughter. No one’s come here for years, let alone those people you just mentioned.” He wanted desperately to run out there, shout that he was here, have them bust down the door and pull his brother out. He wanted this all to be over and go back home and hug his mother. He wanted to return back to his old life. But here he was, frozen, with his fate in the hands of this little girl.

“We would like to search your house-”

“Do you have a warrant?” The other voice was silent. “If you don’t have a warrant I would like it if you left. I don’t want you scaring my daughter.” He made a noise from the back of his throat in desperation, wishing for once the officer would barge in anyway and find him. They would grab that doll from Saet-byul’s arms and free him, and then go back for Seok-jin. Unfortunately, that wasn’t meant to be.

“Sorry for intruding,” the officer said gently. He strained his ears to hear more, though he felt his heart drop when the door shut and her mother’s voice ring out.

“You can come out now.” Saet-byul jumped to her feet and he could feel the invisible binds on him release, and he slumped to the floor. She turned to him and put a hand on his shoulder, though he didn’t care as he angrily shoved her off and stood on his own. She looked hurt, thought he didn’t pay her any attention as he walked away. He wasn’t going to admit that he was angry at her for holding him back, that would get him killed, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t.

Saet-byul followed him at a slower pace; he hoped she was feeling guilty, and they were met with an angry looking woman. He instinctively took a step back, walking right into Saet-byul. There wasn’t any time for either to apologize when the woman ordered the both of them sit.

“I don’t have time to deal with the two of you.” No matter how upset he was, just the look she gave sent chills down his spine. He and Saet-byul hurriedly sat back down at the table.

“You two will be going to school.”

“What?” He looked over at the surprising sound of Saet-byul’s voice before back to her mother, the woman not seeming to have noticed her daughter had spoken.

“You’re old enough,” she continued, her face stoic. “But don’t worry, you won’t be going alone. N will be going with you.” He looked at her in surprise, something she must have suspected since she merely waved a hand at him. “No one will be recognizing you where you’re going. You two will be going to school in Seoul, so no one will see you there.”

He wasn’t about to argue with her, fighting the urge to break out in a wide smile at the news. Who wouldn’t recognize him? The moment he stepped out of this house someone was bound to see him and call the cops, and then this bitch would be arrested and he could go home. He didn’t understand how she could think she could get away with the two of them attending school that way. But he wasn’t about to tell her that. He’d make sure everyone got a good look at his face. He was in the middle of gloating inwardly when he felt something grab his hand, and he looked down to see Saet-byul pull his hand into her lap, her bottom lip twitching.

“You won’t be going right away, I haven’t completed all of your paperwork yet, especially you,” she said this while looking straight at him. “But you’ll probably be starting sometime around next week. Understand?” Saet-byul nodded immediately and he only followed suit when she squeezed his hand. That seemed to appease the woman as she gave them a rare smile, standing up and moving around the table to give her a kiss on the top of the head. She only shoved his head roughly before making her way across the room and sitting by the fireplace, stitching up what looked like the beginning of a doll. “Finish your meal, you two,” she called out casually, sending the two of them to immediately dig into their food.

They wasted no time finishing, Saet-byul dragging him back to the room the moment they were done. It was only when they were completely alone that she started crying, forcing him to pick her up and place her in his lap. He sighed as he felt all of his anger at her dissipate the moment she sniffled, inwardly berating himself for being so soft. Why did she have to be so pitiful?

“I don’t want to go,” she whispered into his chest, having him shift so she could sit up.

“School’s not that bad,” he said, trying to encourage her. He wouldn’t be able to be discovered if she ended up not going. He had to make sure she went.

“But it’s so scary! They’re so many people and I won’t know where to go or-”

“Hey…have you ever gone outside this house before?”

He could see her cheeks redden as she hurriedly nodded her head. “Of course I have! W-why wouldn’t I? I’ve gone out lots of times!”

“Really. And where did you go during those many times?”

“I…” she faltered before sighing defeatingly in his arms, sighing loudly. “I go out into the backyard. I’ve never gone outside outside.” He couldn’t hold back a snicker as he tried to hide his face from her, something that made her pout and lightly hit him upside the head. “Don’t laugh at me!”

“Honestly, I shouldn’t be surprised. You act like you’ve never seen another person in your whole life. You can’t even stand the sight of my stomach.”

“I haven’t seen anyone else before,” she said frustratingly, glaring. “The only people that come home are Mommy’s dolls. And she just takes those-” She quickly stopped herself from continuing, though he knew exactly what she was going to say. “So of course I can’t look at your tummy. I’ve…never seen it before.”

She looked away and he took that time to stare at her, a look of disbelief no doubt showing on his face. How could anyone in this day and age be so sheltered that she hadn’t seen anyone in her entire life, let alone never leaving her house? He never would have thought that was possible. Wouldn’t someone eventually poke around and wonder why this woman’s daughter never left? Or went to school?

Later that night, as Saet-byul slept soundly wrapped in his frozen arms, the door to the bedroom creaked open. Knowing exactly who that was, he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to block her out. However, she seemed to have other plans when she leaned over the bed and slapped him hard on the shoulder. He winced, Saet-byul shifted in his arms, and he looked up to see her mother hovering over him with the scariest look in her eye.

“Get up,” she hissed dangerously. He looked back from her to Saet-byul and pretended that he couldn’t move, a clearly good excuse. She snorted. “She’s asleep. You can move all you want. Now get up.”

He wasn’t given a choice as he gingerly pulled his one arm out from under Saet-byul, very carefully moving around her so as not to wake her up. It took a while, but eventually he was able to climb out of bed without waking her up. Her mother wasn’t waiting as she snatched his wrist and promptly dragged him out of the room, throwing him onto the floor in front of the burning fire and sitting in the one chair above him. He glared silently at her, sending all his hate in the one stare. That didn’t seem to bother her as she merely lifted the rod she had beaten him with only a week ago, holding it up menacingly.

“You better get that nasty look off your face before I beat it off of you.” He resented the fact that he was so innately scared of her that he obediently did as he was told. She looked on approvingly as she placed the rod by her side, only a hair’s length away from her. “Now, I have something important I need to talk about with you. So I don’t want any snark from you and to just listen quietly.”

When he didn’t respond, she leaned back and continued. “I don’t really want to send her to school.” He made a move to say something but quieted from just a glare. “These child service workers are constantly bothering me, upset that I’m not sending her to school. It’s none of their business!” She grabbed the rod and angrily stabbed the ground with it, noticeably only inches from his foot. He pulled away. “They told me that I had to enroll her into school or they would take her away. What bullshit.”

“What does this have to do with me?” he asked without thinking, and his thoughtless question was rewarded with a thwack on his arm.

“I made you for a reason. I didn’t make a doll for her just so she can go around and hug you all day.” She turned and snatched up another one of her dolls off the table. He wasn’t sure if that was actually someone’s doll, a morbid thought that made his stomach turn, but she didn’t seem to have a problem of tossing it around in her hands. “She’s all I have, so I’ve coddled her more than I should. She’s never been outside of the house and I’ve never allowed her to talk to anyone outside of Seok-jin.”

He couldn’t imagine her life beforehand, given that Seok-jin had only been there for a couple more weeks before him.

“I’m going to enroll the two of you into a school in Seoul, that way no one would be able to recognize you.” He tried his best to appear hurt at that statement. “Your job is to take care of her and make sure she’s okay. She’s your responsibility.”

“What?”

She hit him again, though this time not nearly as hard. “I’m telling you, this is your life from now on. The only thing important to you now is taking care of my daughter. There is no such thing as dating for you, seeing friends, or even leaving this house on your own. The girl in that room is the only thing that should be on your mind.”

“And you expect me to?” he snapped back, regrettably squealing when she swung the rod inches from his face, holding it out under his nose.

“I expect nothing less. If you do anything to her, intentional or not, I’ll kill you myself. You haven’t been here too long. If I give her a new doll, it wouldn’t bother her. So I’d be careful if I were you.” She dropped the rod onto the floor as she stood up, chucking the doll into the fire. He watched as the flames licked up the doll, the cloth immediately catching fire and falling apart.

“When you start school, take good care of her. Your life depends on it.”

“Now get back to sleep.”

He didn’t waste any time getting out of there, the last glimpse of the woman being her stabbing at the fire with the iron rod.

 

“N, tell me about school.” He looked up from his seat by the fireplace to see Saet-byul crouched on one of the chairs, her eyes full of curiosity.

“What do you want to know about?”

“Anything! How big is it? Are there a lot of people? Are there lots of trees? Will I get to go outside? What about-”

“Hold on,” he said, shifting so he could face her better, and she did the same as she waited eagerly for his answer. “Do you know what a school is?” She shook her head, and he sighed, knowing this was going to be a long road ahead of him. “Well, school is a place where people go to learn things.”

“Like math and stuff?”

“You know what that is?”

“Mm! Mommy taught it to me for a little bit. I can read and write and add numbers.”

He looked her over, trying to guess her age based on her size, nodding his head. “That should be good enough for you.”

“Do you only go there to learn things?”

“No…you go and meet friends too, and you can hang out with those friends too. Though…I don’t think your mom will let you.” Her eyes fell at that, her shoulders slumping, but both of them knew it was true. Knowing that brute of a woman, the moment school was over he probably had to drag Saet-byul right back. He could only imagine the possibilities if he ever brought her home late.

She stayed silent as she got off the chair and made her way over to him, silently crawling into his lap and pulling his arms around her. “I don’t know if I can have things like friends. Other people scare me. When I see them outside the window, I always watch but think they are too scary to go meet. But it’s okay. I only need you.” He felt his stomach twist at her confession, both uncomfortable and resentful at how attached she was to him. He’d barely been here for two weeks, and yet this girl was holding him, hugging him, and loving him more than anyone else ever had.

It had to be unhealthy.

“You never know,” he encouraged, “you might find someone you like there and then you won’t need me anymore.”

“That won’t happen,” she said quickly, looking up at him with such a blank look that it nearly reminded him of her mother. It reminded him that no matter how sweet and innocent Saet-byul was, she was her mother’s daughter. He looked away as he regained his bearings, no longer in any mood to talk with her. She didn’t think so, however, as she continued talking. “You’re my doll, so no one will take your place. You’ll be my most special person forever.”

She shifted as she slid lower, resting her head on his stomach. “I’m so happy Mommy gave me you. I love you so much.”

He was pretty sure she didn’t understand what she was saying; she couldn’t be older than nine years old. Her proclamations of love were probably just like a child loving their older brother. While he didn’t feel extremely happy about that kind of relationship either, he wasn’t worried with her loving him like that. She rolled over so she was looking right up at him, her face bright again. “Will you be going to school with me?”

“I’ll be taking you there,” he said, still not in the mood to talk to her. She squealed as she sat back up, unable to stay still.

“Really? School can’t be that bad if you go with me.”

She was so positive and happy; he could only imagine what she’d do when they actually went.


	5. Chapter 5

“I want her here the moment classes are over. Don’t even think of going anywhere else.” She winced inwardly as her mother continued to throw commands at the man, running back and forth as she got her ready for school. Her mother had given her a school uniform, something she had only seen other kids wear when they passed by the window, and a backpack, filled with all kinds of stuff she’s supposed to use. She wasn’t sure how, but she was sure the man would explain how. She glanced over at the man to see him dressed in a uniform too, though his was very different from hers. She could only guess it was because he was a boy.

Her mother dragged the two of them to the table as she laid out a couple bowls of rice for them, that being the only thing she had time making. “Make sure you eat before going to school,” she said, giving them both a pair of chopsticks. “You’re not allowed to leave until you finish everything.” The man glanced at her before tiredly grabbing his pair, eating silently. She stared at him apologetically before eating, knowing he was annoyed with how her mother continued to yell at him.

“You can buy something on the way for lunch. Here’s some money. If I find out you made my daughter starve, I’ll skin you alive.” Neither moved as she placed a couple thousand won on the table. “And you. Make sure you bring the doll with you.” She nodded obediently, only then noticing the man staring at her. Embarrassed, she looked away.

Not even two minutes later her mother was shoving her out the door, saying she couldn’t be late for the bus. She winced at the blast of cold wind that hit her face the moment the door opened, shivering; the cold air outside was much worse than inside. But she held fast when her mother pushed her, the first time ever hesitating from doing what her mother said, when she saw the front porch overlooking the street. Her fingers on the doorframe tightened, her legs turning to blocks of lead as her heart raced. She had never stepped out before. Her mother shouted something at her, but she couldn’t hear her. She was so lost that she didn’t see the man walk right past her and stand right in front of her, sighing.

“Come on.” She jumped at the voice, and looked up to see him standing in front of her, holding a hand out. She looked back from his hand to his face a few times before drawing the courage to take it, her hand still trembling. Her mother looked on approvingly, running a hand down her head.

“Be a good girl and do well. I’ll be waiting here.” Her mother smiled, her eyes never leaving her, as she slowly backed back into the house, taking her time closing the door.

It was when that door closed that the weight of everything happening finally hit her, and she realized that she was standing outside of her house. The man had already started walking, and while she wanted to follow him, her only anchor outside, she couldn’t bear to move her legs. She grabbed a handful of her new skirt, her sweaty hands shaking. She probably should have practiced earlier walking outside so this time she wouldn’t be so scared.

“Don’t be scared.” She watched the man walk up to her, reaching out and taking her hand in his and gently pulling her along. While she trembled and shook, she felt her body relax at the touch of the man, and was finally able to start walking. He sent her a small smile as he helped her walk down the stairs, all the while firmly holding her hand. When they reached the bottom, he laughed. “See? It wasn’t so bad.”

She smiled to please him, though her eyes constantly roved over the area. While still holding her hand, he stepped around her and held her shoulder, in a way stopping her from running back inside. He gently pushed her forward, pulling her away to wherever her school was. She was glad he was here; she couldn’t imagine doing this without him. Eventually, after a few minutes show as able to relax enough to walk normally, only having to glance at the men every once in a while to calm her.

She tensed at the sound of voices, and when she turned the corner could see a group of people huddled together. She gasped at the mere sight of them, the confidence she had built up vanishing.

“Don’t run away,” he said, his hand squeezing hers tight. “That’s a bus stop. They’re all waiting for the bus.”

“Are…are they all going to school?”

“No, most look like they’re going to work. You only go to school for a while, and then you go to work.” It took some effort, but he was eventually able to drag her to the group, albeit standing a ways away. She made sure to stand behind him.

“Ah, I probably should teach you how to use the bus.” She stared at him blankly for a second and he sighed as he held his hand out. “Let me see your wallet.” It took her a bit to realize what he wanted, and reached into her new bag to pull out her new wallet. He unzipped it and pulled out a small piece of paper, waving it at her. “This is a bus pass. In order to ride the bus, you need this. Without it, they won’t let you on.”

“Why not? That’s mean of them.”

He sighed. “You have to pay in order to use it. Your mom already paid, so you can use it.” She wrinkled her nose at such an idea, not understanding what paying meant, but just nodded her head anyway. She wasn’t going to say anything bad when the man was standing here to help her. “When the bus comes, you’re going to step inside, and when you do, you’ll see a machine. With this part facing down, you’re going to swipe it across, like this.”

He handed her the piece of paper and motioned for her to try practicing. Focusing only on what he asked her, she tried doing the strange motion, not sure how this was supposed to allow her on the bus. He seemed to notice, taking it back. “Just watch me. I’ll go first, okay?” She pouted when he slid her piece of paper back into her wallet, his fingers pausing before whipping something out, shoving it in her face in shock.

“You’re thirteen?”

She wasn’t sure what he was so surprised about, and just nodded her head curiously. She had never been really sure about how old she was; they had celebrated her birthday every year but she never tried to remember how old she was. It was something that never seemed important. But her mother must have been keeping count, since that was what was on that paper. The man was still shocked at it, looking back from the paper to her. “How can you be thirteen?”

“Why? Am I not?”

“No…it’s just you don’t look thirteen at all. I thought you were only nine.” He eventually handed over the wallet and paper back to her, to which she quickly glanced at it to see that it did indeed say she was thirteen. The man didn’t say anything after that, though she did notice how he kept looking at her, and now she wished he hadn’t seen her card. She didn’t like that he was acting differently.

She jumped when she heard a loud, squealing noise, looking up to see what she could only imagine as a bus. The man motioned his head to it. “That’s the bus.”

“It’s big…” she muttered, wincing again when the door shrieked as it opened. The people wasted no time stepping into the big machine, and she whimpered when the man grabbed her hand and pulled her towards it. “Wait! I’m not ready!”

“The bus won’t wait for you. Here, watch me first.” He climbed the couple stairs, she wondered briefly on how strange that seemed, and pulled his card out. He glanced back at her, waving the card at her. “Just swipe it like this.” He turned the card like he had earlier and stuck it into a strange box, swiping it across. He took a step to the side and motioned for her to do the same.

She hesitated, suddenly scared to be leaving the only place she knew. “Hurry up!” the driver snapped, scaring her.

“Don’t snap at her,” the man said,” this is her first time.” The driver huffed, annoyed, and the man sent her a hurried look.

“If you don’t hurry, I’m leaving!” She panicked at the idea of being separated from the man, and quickly climbed the stairs. She fumbled with her wallet and pulled out the card he showed, swiping.

It beeped and she looked at the man for help. “You did it upside down.” He guided her hand to swipe again, this time correctly. The bus driver shook his head at them as he shut the door and started driving, and she lurched forward when the bus suddenly moved. She grabbed the man’s waist and held tight, following him as he started walking. She peeked out from behind him to see everyone on the bus staring at them, and she could feel her whole body shake uncontrollably at the sight. She had never been this close to people before, let alone this many, and was absolutely frightened.

The man finally stopped, grabbing a hook-like thing hanging from the top of the bus, glancing down at her nearly digging her nails into his side. “Calm down, the worst is over.” She just shook her head, her voice suddenly gone. He nodded his head behind her. “Do you want to sit down?” She rolled her head over to see an empty chair next to them, though she immediately focused on the fact that someone was also sitting there. She vehemently shook her head, squeezing herself to him even tighter.

“You can sit here if you like.” They both looked over to see the man sitting get up, ignoring the man’s protests and motioning for them to sit down. The man thanked the other before nudging her to sit down, letting her sit next to window. When he sat next to her, she felt herself relax; his body a barrier between her and the rest of the staring people.

“Are you doing okay?” She glanced over to the man looking at her, and she nodded her head sheepishly. “You’ll get used to it. It’s scary the first time.”

“Do I have to do this every day?” She spoke at a whisper, frightened that someone else would be listening to her. She could almost feel the woman sitting behind her’s eyes on her, watching her every move. She couldn’t stand this.

“Only during the week. You don’t have to go to school on the weekend.”

“Thank goodness,” she said tiredly, leaning over against his arm.

The bus was silent after that, the only sound being the noise the bus made. She was thankful for the silence, being able to just lean against the man’s arm and listen to him breathing. At first, she would jump and stiffen whenever the bus stopped and someone new got on. But eventually she relaxed enough that it didn’t bother her anymore; the people wouldn’t look at her and they would pass right by her since the man was sitting next to her.

She reached over and tugged on the man’s coat, pulling him down so she could whisper in his ear, “How long are we on the bus for?”

He took a deep breath before slumping in his seat. “About two and a half hours. In other words, a very long time.” She pouted. “So, you can go ahead and take a nap if you want.”

“And I have to do this every day?”

“Yes,” he said again. “We have to do this every time. All because she’s trying to avoid anyone seeing me.” She frowned, having heard what clearly she wasn’t meant to hear, and quickly grabbed his arm and hugged it tight. She knew how much he hated her mother, something that no matter what she said could not convince him otherwise. She hoped that by her constantly showering him in love and being as kind as possible to him would keep him from hating her too.

She at some point had fallen asleep, only being jolted awake when the bus bounced hard. She bit back a squeal as her fingers dug into the man’s arm, blearily looking around while trying to regain her bearings. He pat her head with a sigh, attempting to push her back to sleep, when she caught sight outside the window, her heart leaping into her mouth at the sight. She pulled away from him as she pressed her face against the glass, in complete awe at the sight of the biggest houses she had ever seen and the vast amount of people walking. Her hands shaking, she reached back to grab his with her eyes glued to the scene, unable to look away.

“This is where you’ll be going to school every day,” he whispered into her ear, not helping in any way to quell her fears. She looked back at him shaking.

“Does…does Seoul have a lot of people?”

He snorted. “Seoul is the biggest city in Korea. Of course they’re a lot of people.”

Looking back, she wondered miserably why her mother would send her to someplace so big and scary to go to school. Were there no schools back at home? She wouldn’t have sent her so far away here just so the man could go too. Her mother may not be as loving as the man kept hinting at her to be, but she wouldn’t do something as awful as to send her to the one place she feared, right?

Finally, the bus stopped and she suddenly wasn’t ready to get off. The man stood up along with everybody else, stretching, and grabbed his bag before looking at her expectantly. She honestly didn’t want to move, didn’t want to go anywhere; but the man wouldn’t give her that option as he just reached down and grabbed her hand, yanking her to her feet. “Come on, we don’t have time to sit here.”

She held onto his hand tightly as they walked down the street, sticking to his side to avoid brushing against other people. It was so loud; so many loud buses riding around making so much noise. At some point the man pulled his hand away and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “We’re almost there,” he said kindly.

Eventually, she started to notice more and more people wearing the same school uniform as her, all going the same way they were. With growing curiosity, she started to crane her neck for a chance to see what her school was supposed to look like. The man laughed. “It’s not for a couple more minutes. You won’t see anything from here.”

She sighed defeatedly. “Have you ever been here before?”

“I’ve been to Seoul a couple times.”

“Then have you seen our school before?”

He laughed again. “No. I went to school back at home.”

“Then is this going to be your first day too?”

“Technically, yes– Ah! There’s your new school.” She snapped her head excitedly towards where he was pointing and felt her heart drop, the grin fading from her lips. The school was big; it looked like it was a million times bigger than her home. There were so many windows and it was so tall, she felt she could so easily get lost in it. She yelped and nearly jumped into the man’s arms when a boy pushed past her, yelping again when a girl subsequently pushed past her too. She looked around to see so many other kids, all heading straight into the school. How many people went to school?

The man had to peel her off of him, holding her at arm’s length. “You need to calm down. No one here’s going to hurt you.”

“I know…I just…just stay close to me, okay?” He nodded and made sure to keep her right at his side as he led her inside. She couldn’t help but notice how some of the people would stare at them as they walked by, and she couldn’t help but marvel at how the man seemed to ignore them. She wished she could. She followed him into a large room where a couple of women sat at desks, both of them looking up in surprise at the sight of them.

She hid behind him as he walked up to the desk, watching as he calmly leaned over the counter with a bright smile. She had never seen him smile like that, and peeked out from the edge of his coat just to stare at it. “I’m here to pick up the schedule for Yoon Saet-byul.” The woman nodded as she moved to her computer, typing away for a while before she pulled out a sheet of paper.

“Here it is,” the woman interrupted, handing him the paper. “If you want, we can have a classmate show her around-”

“That’s alright,” the man said quickly, cutting her off. “She’ll be more comfortable if I bring her.” The woman didn’t seem particularly happy with his answer, but didn’t say anything. She, on the other hand, couldn’t have been happier. He led her out by the hand, continuously glancing back at the paper as he led her down multiple hallways. He finally stopped by one room with the door open, other children’s shouts echoing in the already loud hallway. He pulled her close to the wall before handing the sheet of paper to her.

“This is your schedule; you’ll need this to know what classes to go to.”

She frowned in confusion, watching as the man continued to give her instructions on what to do as if he was leaving. “Aren’t you staying here with me?”

He shook his head and gave her a look that showed he thought what she said was ridiculous. “Of course not. I’m a lot older than you, so obviously I’m going to be in a different class than you.”

“Where’s your room then? I want to know where it is so I can find you-”

“This isn’t my school, Saet-byul.” Her heart dropped like a block of lead, the paper slipping from her fingers.

“You’re…you’re not even going to be here with me? I’m going to be here alone?”

He silently bent down and picked the schedule back up, forcing it back in her hand. “I’ll be back here the moment classes are done. Just wait for me right in this room and I’ll pick you up, okay?”

“Ah, you must be Yoon Saet-byul.” She jumped when she felt a hand brush her arm, and whirled around to see another woman staring down at her. She hurriedly ran into the man’s arms. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m your teacher, Teacher Jung. I’ll be the one to help you fit right into class.” Her mind was still whirling from the fact the man wouldn’t be joining her; this woman’s words were making no sense in her brain other than she’ll be the person sending the man away. “Are you her older brother?”

“No, I’m a…a family friend. But be careful with her, she’s been homeschooled and hasn’t-”

“Don’t worry, I was informed of her circumstances. Our class is very friendly, so she shouldn’t have a problem.” The man nodded as he pried her off and pushed her toward the teacher, tousling her hair with a smile.

“Remember, I’ll back the moment classes are done. Just wait here, okay?” She was still feeling the sting of betrayal and refused to look him in the face. But not only that, she knew that if she looked at him she would start crying again. He waited a few seconds to see if she would respond, and when she didn’t, just gave a wave goodbye and left. She looked back just in time to see him turn the corner, that last sight preoccupying her mind as the teacher ushered her inside.

“Just stand up here,” the teacher said, pointing to a spot next to a podium. “When class starts, I’ll introduce you to the class.” She stood as close to the podium as possible, fiddling with her bag’s strap as more and more children started coming into the room. They all would look at her strangely before sitting down at the many tables, whispering to each other with their eyes focused solely on her. She didn’t like this one bit, and just wanted to be at home in her room in the man’s hug. She missed him.

“Alright, we’re starting,” the teacher whispered into her ear, surprising her when she looked up to see all the desks full with their eyes all on her. She stopped breathing. “Class, before we start, I want to introduce you to a new student who’ll be joining us.” She looked over at her expectantly and she only stared back, unsure of what she wanted her to do. “Er, her name is Yoon Saet-byul. She’s had a lot of health issues so she’s been privately tutored until now. So please be kind to her and help her get situated in our school. Okay?”

“Yes!” the students all chorused, their curious eyes on her, and she drew in on herself even more.

“Saet-byul,” the teacher turned to her, her smile bigger than before. “Why don’t you sit in the seat next to Sang-hyuk?” She pointed somewhere, and when she didn’t move, a boy near the back of the room raised his hand. She hesitated, her feet glued to the ground, but moved only when the teacher gave her a slight push on the back. She tried to ignore the others’ eyes as she slowly walked through the rows of tables to climb into the chair next to the boy. She kept her head down, knowing the boy was looking at her.

“Hello,” he said, and she felt all the hairs on the back of her neck rise up. She gave him a quick nod, and that seemed to appease him. She sighed with relief when he turned away, though that was short-lived when he suddenly leaned over, his lips inches from her face. “Class is starting. You should get your books out.” She lifted her face up a little bit to see him waving his own books at her, and she scrambled to pull her bag off her back. She searched through her bag until she pulled out the books identical to his, laying them on her desk the exact same way he did. He laughed. “Do you have a pencil?” Some more searching and she finally found a pencil, showing it to him. He nodded.

“We’re already on chapter three, so you’ll have to skip to there.” She stared at him confusedly, so he just reached over and opened her book for her, pointing at a certain page. “We start here.”

Throughout the entire class, she could only stare at the teacher, having no idea what was going on or what she was even saying. This math was much more complicated than anything her mother had taught her; she’d never heard of things like multiplying or dividing, let alone letters.

Was this what the man had meant when he was surprised at what she had been learning? He must have known that this would be too hard for her.

She was snapped out of her reverie when the students erupted into loud noise, everyone closing their books and turning to talk to each other. She looked over to the boy to see him close his book too, his eyes trailing over to her. “You didn’t write anything down?” She quickly slammed her book shut and shoved it back in her bag. “Do you want to copy my notes?” She luckily was saved from answering him when a man came into the room, announcing himself the teacher of something.

The entire day was torture for her; she had no idea of anything the teachers were teaching, everything much more advanced than what she knew. Not only that, but the boy kept asking her questions. But the torture only increased when it was time to eat, everyone pulling food out of their bags. It was then she realized that she and the man had forgotten to buy food. She wondered if N was starving as much as she was.

“Do you have anything to eat?” She flinched when the boy leaned over again, and he pulled back immediately. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just saw you didn’t have anything to eat.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a small box. “Would you like some of mine?”

“Hey! You’re the new girl, right?” The boy quickly shoved his box back in his bag when three girls suddenly jumped into the seats in front of her desk, leaning extremely close. The girl in the middle scooted closer, smiling widely. “What was your name again?”

She didn’t answer, still startled by the sudden shouting, so the boy kindly stepped in. “Her name is Yoon Saet-byul-”

“I didn’t ask you Hyukkie,” the girl snapped viciously, the boy quickly shutting his mouth. She turned back to her. “So your name is Saet-byul? Where do you live? You must be so smart since you were privately tutored. Why did you come here?” She panicked at the sheer amount of questions the girl threw at her, her mind reeling as she tried not to cry. The girl’s smile slowly slipped off her face when she didn’t answer, scaring half the room when she slammed her hand on the table. “I asked you a question!”

She noticed with a feeling of dread how the entire room fell silent, everyone watching her and the girl. The boy next to her tried to say something again but was quickly shot down, another one of the girl’s snapping at him.

“What, are you mute?”

“You know, I sit pretty close to her and I don’t think she’s said a single word. She might be mute.” The first girl snickered at her, pushing off her table and standing up.

“Maybe you got sent here because you were so dumb your tutor quit. I’d have quit just from looking at your face.” She stared at the girl confusedly, not understanding why the girl was so angry now and insulting her. She hadn’t said anything that could have offended her; why was she so angry? She glanced at the boy to see if he knew but he too was looking away. When she continued to not say anything, the girl got even angrier, shoving her table into her stomach.

She shrieked as she tuned everyone out completely, ripping her bag open to check on the doll. She caressed its face with her thumb, hoping it hadn’t been hurt. “She must be stupid; she can’t even talk.” The girl glared at her before stalking out of the room, the other two girls following right behind her. Eventually, the others went back to eating, and she finally was able to let out a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay? Don’t worry about her, she’s always like that.”

This place was scary.

 

She felt like the whole world lifted from her shoulders the moment N poked his head into the doorway, shoving her chair back as she sprinted to him. Laughing, she jumped into his arms, burying her face into his chest and holding him as tightly as she could. She could feel him put a hand on her head, waiting patiently for her to let go, something she wished she never had to do. “Your first day couldn’t have been that bad, could it?”

“I really wish you were with me,” she said miserably, shoving her face closer into his side. He winced and pulled slightly away, and she realized she had been pushing against his healing wound. She shifted her hug and squeezed tighter. “It was so scary.”

“You’re exaggerating. How bad could it have been?”

She broke out of his hug as she gave him the biggest pout she could. “They were getting mad at me when I didn’t even say anything. One of them even pushed my table and it hit your doll.”

“Ah,” he said, nodding his head thoughtfully. “Was that why my side hurt all day?”

“I’m sorry, I’ll keep better care of it from now. I promise.” He ruffled her hair again, smiling his nice smile.

“It’s alright. It didn’t hurt that bad. Are you ready to go home?”

“Yes!” she shouted, never having wanted to be home so badly before. Laughing, he took her hand in his and led her out of the scary room. This time, even when people stared at her as they walked, she didn’t mind them one bit. After what she went through today, nothing could scare her when N was standing by her side.

Her mother was all over her the moment she opened the door, smothering her in hugs and asking her a million questions per minute. She found her tongue tied as she stared at her mother amidst it all, wondering why her mother was acting so strangely. Never before had her mother held her so lovingly and asking so many questions. She waited until her mother calmed down before giving her mother smiles that assured her everything had been fine. She didn’t want to upset her by telling how much she hated school. Her mother brushed the hair from her face one last time before turning to the man, her smile vanishing.

“You bought her food, didn’t you? You better not have let her starve.”

She could see all the color drain out of N’s face, realizing with horror that they had forgotten to buy lunch. Before her mother had a chance to hit him, she ran in between them and held her hands out, stopping her mother’s hand mid-air. Her mother’s face tightened. “What are you doing?”

“He…he bought me lunch.” She missed the man’s surprised face behind her, her attention focused wholly on her mother. Her mother seemed just as surprised, lowering her hand.

“You’re not lying for him, are you?” She shook her head. “What did he buy you?”

Her mouth dried as she realized she had no idea what kinds of food one would buy on the way to school. But she didn’t have time to think. “Rice,” she said quickly.

“Rice? You bought her just rice?”

“I-I was so nervous…I didn’t want to eat…” She trailed off and stared at her feet, intimidated by the vicious stare of her mother.

“I can tell you didn’t feed her. You’re very lucky she’s covering for you. If this happens again, I’ll kill you.” She felt him start to move behind her and swiftly grabbed his arm, holding him still. Her mother turned back to her, all smiles again. “I’ll make you something warm to eat. In the meantime you should get to work on your homework.” She didn’t wait to try and figure out what that meant, just pulling on the man’s arm and running straight to her room. She let out a sigh of relief as she leaned against the door and slid to the floor.

“Are you alright?” N asked concernedly, throwing his bag onto the bed and moving to her side.

“I’m okay,” she said, rubbing her eyes and sighing again. “I’m just not used to Mommy acting so happy to me. It was strange.”

“Why did you say I bought you lunch? You know I didn’t-”

“You’re my doll. I don’t want you to get hurt.” She meant that nicely, smiling, though he didn’t seem to take it the same way as his mouth formed a thin line. She didn’t like seeing that expression on his face, so she jumped to her feet and grabbed his hand, running to the bed. She had been waiting for this all day. Without waiting for his response, she sat him down and nestled herself in his lap; he snorted as he just wrapped his arms around her, knowing exactly what she wanted. She relaxed in the embrace of his arms, resting her head in the crook of his elbow.

“You were waiting for this, weren’t you?”

“I wanted to do this all day.”

“I should start charging you. I could be rich.”

“What does that mean?”

He shifted her so she sat up, his arms falling loosely by her sides. “It means you have to give me money every time you want to hug me.”

“But I don’t have money.”

“I didn’t mean it literally. It’s just a figure of speech.”

“What does that mean?” She could tell he was getting exasperated with all her questions, so she just shut her mouth, not wanting to annoy him. She went back to just hugging him, feeling so warm and comforted by just the sound of his heartbeat. Everything would be better if he was just in class with her. He could sit where that boy sits and tell her anything that she didn’t understand.

Both of them snapped to attention as they jumped out of each other’s arms, sitting stiffly on the edge of the bed when the door creaked open. “I brought you your food.” She got to her feet and padded over as she took the tray from her mother’s hands, avoiding looking her in the eyes. She still wasn’t used to her speaking so sweetly to her; it didn’t sit well with her. “Don’t share any with him, understand?” She paused before nodding, staying stock still as her mother rustled her hair one last time before leaving her alone.

She turned to the man with a bright smile, running over and placing the tray on his lap. She had no intention of keeping food from him.

“Saet-byul-”

“You’re hungry too. I wouldn’t let you go hungry.” She grabbed a piece of bread and broke a chunk off, smiling as she held it in front of his face. He hesitated, glancing at the door before sighing, taking it out of her hands and shoving it in her mouth. She gagged and he laughed, the mere sound bringing a smile to her face.


	6. Chapter 6

He wasn’t sure what he had done to make her love him so much; it was almost as if just him breathing was enough to make her happy. She peeled another piece of bread off and attempted to feed it to him, pouting when he shook his head and gave it back to her. He wondered if this was what it was like to have a sibling that loved you; he was so used to Seok-jin and his hating ways. When he was sure she was full, he quickly ate the rest of it, constantly checking to see if that woman would appear.

He hadn’t meant to forget to buy them lunch; he had been so preoccupied with finding the school and getting off at the right stop that buying food had been the last thing on his mind.

“N,” she said as she climbed onto the bed, pulling the tray off his lap and placing it on the floor. He turned to look at her and flinched when he saw how close her face was to his. But she didn’t seem worried about that, focused on something else entirely. She reached out and grabbed a lock of his hair, tugging on it. “Why is your hair changing color?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your hair was gray when you first came. But now your hair is turning black. Why?”

“Shoot, does it look bad?” He looked around the room for a mirror, biting his lip when he couldn’t find any. He’d been so overwhelmed with everything else that his hair had been the last thing he thought of. He wondered what his school thought when he came in with his half dyed head.

“You do look funny. I was just wondering why your hair changes colors. Mine doesn’t do that.”

“My hair is naturally black; it’s just turning back to its natural color.”

“But how did you change colors? Could I change mine?”

“I don’t think your mom would let you. I can imagine her beating you silly if you came in with gray hair.”

“But why did you do it?”

“I didn’t do it. Seok-jin did. He put hair dye in my shampoo, so when I went to shower it turned my hair gray. It’s been over a month since that happened, so it only makes sense that it’d start coming out.” She climbed to her knees and grabbed his hair in both hands, running her fingers through his thick hair. He hadn’t thought about it in a while, but his hair was getting a little long. He’d been meaning to cut it before he came here, and now it was almost to his shoulders. “Do you have scissors?”

She didn’t answer as she ran over to the boxes in the corner of the room, rummaging through them until she pulled out a huge pair. She handed it to him and watched him curiously when he got up. “Where are you going?”

“To cut my hair.”

“What?” she asked in alarm, running after him to the bathroom across the hall, thinking nothing of following him inside. “Why are you cutting your hair?”

“It’s getting too long. Don’t you cut your hair when it’s too long?” She didn’t answer him again, so he turned his attention back to his hair, wincing at how bad his hair looked. The next time Seok-jin was brought up he’d have to give him a stern talking to.

As much as it hurt him, he cut off every gray strand he could find. He hated cutting his hair this short, but since he wasn’t able to go out and buy hair dye, this would have to do. As he worked, Saet-byul made it a mission to pick up every strand of hair, collecting it in her tiny hands and stuffing it in her pockets. Eventually, there was no trace of gray in his hair, though he was barely able to run his fingers through the strands. Saet-byul clapped her hands.

“You look so different N.”

“Yeah, well, this probably won’t happen again. I don’t like my hair this short.”

“I liked your hair when you first came.”

“You just liked that I looked like an old man.” She giggled as she followed him back into her bedroom, jumping back onto her bed. “Hey…what are you going to do with my hair?”

“Secret!” she laughed as she dived under the covers, peeking her head out to stick her tongue out at him. Chuckling, he tossed the scissors over to the boxes and launched himself on her, wrapping her tightly in the blankets to keep her from moving and squeezing her tight. She shrieked with laughter, fidgeting as she tried to free herself. “Stop! That tickles!”

“Tickles? You mean like this?” He started tickling her sides and she started snorting, rolling over in his arms as she tried to get away. “Ah, now I know you’re ticklish.” She finally freed an arm, fruitlessly trying to hold his hands back, and she was just starting to laugh for real-

“What are you doing?” Both froze when the door slammed open, their eyes slowly trailing up to the furious looking woman in the doorway. He quickly pulled away and Saet-byul unraveled herself from the blankets, sitting up solemnly. The woman’s eyes fell on him, an eyebrow rising. “What happened to your hair?”

He lowered his eyes, avoiding her gaze. “It was getting long.”

She ignored him as she looked back to Saet-byul, the sweet, sickening way she had been treating her gone. “I thought I told you to do your homework.” Saet-byul silently jumped down from his lap as she grabbed her discarded bag, pulling out all of her books and throwing them onto the bed. “I’m giving you one last chance to get your things done. If not, you’re sitting in the family room and doing it in there, understand?” The blood drained from both of their faces as they nodded, only able to relax when she was gone.

Neither spoke as they silently pulled out their homework, his hands pausing as he looked down at his textbooks. “Are you not going to do your homework?” He looked over to see Saet-byul staring at him, her books strewn across her lap.

“I will.”

“Is your stuff really hard too?” He gave her a quizzical look and she sighed dramatically, throwing her pencil down. “I didn’t understand a single thing in class today. I’ve never felt so stupid. Why are there letters in math? Isn’t math just numbers?” He reached over and picked up her workbook, flipping through the pages. “We had a reading class and English class too. They used so many big words; I didn’t know any of them.” She was watching him flip through the pages, biting her lip. “Do you know what that all is?”

“Of course I do, I’ve taken all these classes before. But for you not to know…how much has your mother taught you?”

Her cheeks reddened as she lowered her head, almost as if she was embarrassed. “She said it wasn’t important to learn that kind of stuff. I only know how to read and write.”

His mouth dropped slightly, shocked that something that seemed to only appear in movies was actually sitting right in front of him. How did that woman get away with doing this to her daughter, keeping her sheltered and teaching her nothing? And now she was literally throwing her under the bus, expecting her to catch up with her peers all on her own. He couldn’t help but pity her. “Here, give me your pencil. I can help you.”

He could almost see the sparkles in her eyes as she scrambled to sit right next to him, laying the blanket over their laps and scattering her books over it. She rummaged her bag for a pencil and handed it to him. He glanced down at her sunny smile, just shaking his head before pulling out her reader. “Well, you know how to read and write, so we’ll start from there.”

Bad mistake; when she said she could read, she could read, but she had no idea what anything meant. More than half the words she didn’t understand. What’s worse, her handwriting was so bad he could barely read what she wrote. Whenever she finished, she would look up at him with the most expectant, pleading look, nearly begging for praise. It hurt every time he had to tell her she was wrong or that he couldn’t read what she wrote.

It took a good two hours to finish what should have been a half hour assignment, and when he finished he felt like he had completed a marathon. When he finished, she handed him her next book, his face paling at the subject. “M-math?”

“They kept saying things like multiplying and dividing stuff, but I don’t know what that is.”

“Do you know math at all?”

“I can add on my fingers!” she shouted proudly, wiggling her fingers at him.

His heart dropped.

He was just about finished checking over the last of her math questions when her pencil slipped from her fingers, a slight snore escaping her lips. He sighed softly as he cupped the side of her face and rested it against his shoulder, clicking his tongue. She was already tired out, but they’ve only finished half of her homework assignments.

“Leave her to sleep and come here.” He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden voice, though his anxiety didn’t lessen when he saw who it was. Carefully laying Saet-byul down without waking her, her reluctantly stood up and followed her out. He kept his mouth shut as he silently sat in his chair by the fireplace, his eyes watching as she pulled out the medical kit. With just one look from her, he pulled off his coat and unbuttoned his shirt. He winced when she pulled off his bandage, cleaning it with alcohol and wiping it down.

“This should be one of the last times we have to clean it,” she said sternly, her eyes focused on her work. “It’ll always bother you, but it shouldn’t give you too much pain.” She put another bandage on him, patting it down. “Put your clothes back on.”

He was in the middle of buttoning his shirt when she spoke again. “How is she doing?” He paused, and she looked up at him with one of the most expressive looks she’d ever given him. “Was she struggling?”

“Of course she’s struggling. She doesn’t know anything. She’s behind in everything.”

“She can catch up, can’t she? How was she doing when you were helping her?”

He slipped his coat back on, shivering. He didn’t know how these two could live here for years without any heating. He was barely surviving. “It’s going to take a long time before she’s able to be anywhere near where she needs to be.” Her upper lip curled back as she angrily slammed the box closed, her fingers shaking.

“As much as it kills me to say it, I’ll have to depend on you with her education. Make sure you teach her well.”

He scoffed disbelievingly as she shamelessly got up, not caring about the fact that she had pretty much just ordered him to tutor her daughter. As exasperating as it was, if she was only a little behind it wouldn’t have been so bad. But he was teaching her from scratch; there was no way he could catch her up to the hours upon hours that her peers would have studied. He ran a hand through his hair, almost jumping out of his skin when a piece of bread was shoved in his face. He peeked up at her, waiting it to be a trick or something, but that only seemed to annoy her as she grabbed his hand and shoved it in his grasp.

“I know she gave you some of her food. But you should still eat more.”

He watched her carefully as he slowly took a bite, rolling it over in his tongue as he waited for some kind of poison to set in. He wouldn’t have put it past her. When nothing happened, he took another bite. “Did you have any problems with the school?”

Without hesitating, he whipped out his wallet from his back pocket, pulling out his ID card and slamming it down on the table. Her face wrinkled as she made her way over and picked the card up, scanning it before her eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with this?”

“What is that supposed to be?”

“Excuse me?” She threw the card back on the table and he watched it bounce onto the floor, landing neatly at his feet. I should have known better than to be decent to you. I actually gave you a decent name; of course you wouldn’t be considerate enough-”

“I don’t care about the name,” he cut in boldly, his insides the exact opposite of his composure as they twisted nervously. “You listed my age as seventeen.”

“What about it?”

“I told you I was nineteen! You put me two grades lower than what I actually am.”

She laughed outright at that, looking down at him with a mocking, condescending look. “That’s what you’re worried about? You’ll just be going to school a couple extra years then.”

“But I was ready to take the college entrance exam! I would have been-“

“Look, if you want to figure out how to make your own documents and label yourself as nineteen, then be my guest. But,” she went to the back of the room near a stack of boxes, rummaging around until she pulled out a small file, “as of now, your name is Yoon Woo-jin, seventeen years old.” She threw the file down into his lap, and with shaking hands he opened it up to see his face on numerous documents. A birth certificate, elementary and middle school graduation documents, a passport –all with the name Yoon Woo-jin and the birth year of 1990. “You better have been smart. I had you listed as the top of your class.”

His fingers hovered over the name, his breaths short as he tried to comprehend what he was seeing. “Do…do you do this with all the people you kidnap?”

She didn’t seem the least bit perturbed by his question, shaking her head. “You’re the only one who’ll get this treatment. The others don’t need anything. They stay with me.”

“My name…”

“Forget your old name. That old life doesn’t exist anymore.” She snatched the file out of his hands and stuffed it back into the box, covering it with the lid. “Here your name is still N; don’t think you got out of that.”

He wobbled as he leaned over to pick up the ID card, his whole world rushing to a halt. Up until now, a small part of him was still connected to his old life, wondering how his mother was holding up and his friends back in school. He had thoughts of one day escaping with Seok-jin and returning, this whole thing becoming just a bad dream. Even when Saet-byul continuously called him his doll and her mother tending to his wound every night, there was always an aspect of everything that made it seem almost unreal.

But here was the reality hitting him; he now had a new identity and life.

There was no going back.

“I know you’re special to her, it’s why I went to all this trouble to get you a new identity. Make sure you treat that girl well.”

“Saet-byul.” He could see her stiffen at the mention of her name, her eyes suddenly full of fire, a signal that he had crossed a line. He cut her off before she could yell at him. “Her name is Saet-byul. I haven’t been here that long, but even I can tell how much she loves hearing her name. You should try saying it some time.”

“Did she say that to you-?”

“There’s a reason she’s always making me hug her and kiss her head. She’s lonely. You should start saying her name a few times; it’ll make her happy.” He didn’t know why he was trying to help her, he still hated her for what she did and was still scared of her. Even now, the look she gave him was enough to make his skin crawl. But it was for Saet-byul. This was all for Saet-byul; that was what he told himself as he quickly ran out of the room and back to the safety of Saet-byul’s arms.

 

“Good morning Saet-byul. Did you sleep well?” He could feel his arm yank back, and he looked back to see Saet-byul frozen in place, her wide eyes focused on her mother. She looked back between him and her in confusion, and he could almost see her mind trying to make sense of everything. Her mother glanced at him uncertainly before hurrying to the rice cooker and scooping out rice. He felt a tug on his hand and felt himself pulled down, Saet-byul cupping his ear and her hot breath tickling his skin.

“S-she said my name…”

“What’s wrong with that?” He gave her a smile, though that only seemed to worry her more, her mouth a thin line as she peeked around him at her mother again. She shivered.

This time he had to drag Saet-byul out of the house, the girl having absolutely no desire to go to school. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal if it weren’t for the fact that she refused to leave even after her mother told her to; that was just something Saet-byul didn’t do. He refused to drag her by the wrist, instead standing outside waiting for her. It eventually worked, the girl not able to last two minutes away from his side. In no time they were standing at the bus stop, her shaking hand holding his and her eyes glued on the others waiting.

“Don’t get so worked up. You’ll be fine.”

“But I don’t want to go back,” she said sadly, leaning her hand against his arm. “I don’t like it there.”

“Well, you can’t stay at home anymore. And if you stay home, you’ll have to stay alone. I still have to go to school.” He could see her panic at that, her hold on his hand tightening. “You’ll get used to it, I promise.”

“Why couldn’t Mommy have put you in the same class as me? I could go if you were with me.”

“I’m not always going to be able to be with you.”

“Where would you be? You’re my doll, you’ll always be with me.” He took a deep breath, trying to tell himself that she didn’t realize how much he hated being reminded of his current position. He forced a smile on his face, thanking whatever gods there be when the bus arrived at that exact moment. She proved to be a quick learner, scanning her card perfectly and looking up at him with her scared, expectant look. He just patted her head before leading her to the back of the bus, this time just having her hold his waist instead of offering her the empty seat.

It took about another half hour before two seats opened up together, and he wasted no time pushing Saet-byul to take them. They sat down, him sending her a breathless smile. She smiled back.

“Do you know why Mommy said my name?” He blearily looked around, having almost fell asleep when he heard the question whispered into his ear. He turned to see Saet-byul leaning on his arm, her thumb caressing his hand.

“What?”

“Mommy said my name earlier. I thought…I thought she had forgotten my name.”

“Don’t think like that,” he said softly, pushing her head gently. “Your mom loves you a lot. Why do you think she forced me to come here with you and watch over you? She just never thought you wanted to hear your name.”

“I like it when you say it better.”

“Hey, hearing your mother say your name is an amazing thing. As scary as your mom is, you should still love her more.”

“But when you say it, it sounds so warm. I like it.” She lifted his hand to her face, tickling his palm with the tips of her fingers. She giggled, and when she wasn’t looking he sent her a concerned look.

He had to nearly pry her off of him when they arrived outside her classroom, the girl not wanting to step one foot inside. He had purposefully arrived earlier today; yesterday he had been late to class because it had taken him so long to get her to class. She fiercely shook her head, whining for him to stay with her, when another voice came from behind him.

“Saet-byul?” He whirled around, ready to protect her, only to be faced with a boy nearly as tall as him. Saet-byul peeked out from behind him, and he noticed how she didn’t immediately shy away.

“Is this someone you know?” he asked kindly and she nodded, keeping her mouth shut tight. He sighed; one of these days he was going to work on getting her to speak in public.

“She sits next to me,” the boy offered helpfully. “…are you her brother?”

“No,” he said quickly, “I’m just a friend. Okay, Saet-byul, I’m leaving okay? I’ll be back when classes are over. Wait for me here, okay?” He didn’t give her a chance to answer, bolting out of there before she tried to grab and hold on to him. He was just about to turn the corner when he suddenly felt guilty; he looked back to see her staring at him miserably. Cursing his soft heart, he waved with a smile, one that she returned with a hiccup.

 

He was met with a hard stare when he slid the door open to his classroom, everyone’s eyes on him. He tried his best to block them all out as he sent his teacher an apologetic bow. “Not even caring you’re a good ten minutes late?” the man asked annoyed, and he tried to ignore the glare sent his way. “This will be the last time you’ll get away with this. If you continue being late, there’ll be punishment.” He nodded silently before heading straight to the back of the room, sliding into his seat.

He glanced over to see the guy sitting next to him leveling him with a hard stare, and he inhaled sharply as he tried to ignore it. He wasn’t sure what the guy’s problem was, but he was pretty sure he’d been glaring at him yesterday.

Finally, “Hey, do you have a problem with me?” He watched amusedly as the guy next to him stiffened in his chair, his eyes refusing to look up at him. The guy glanced at him before slowly sliding his books back into his bag, his shoulders hunched up. “I’ve been seeing you glaring at me this entire time.”

“…I wasn’t glaring at you.” His voice was surprisingly timid, as if he was afraid to speak.

“Really?” He leaned forward with his chin on his palm, snickering inwardly at how the guy pulled back, trying his best to avoid eye contact. “What are you so worried about then?”

“I’m not worried,” he said in a somewhat stronger voice, turning to look at him with that same glare he always had been.

“That!” he shouted, pointing at him and watching the guy quickly look away. “You call that not glaring?”

“That’s how I normally look,” he muttered, the poor guy’s confidence shot.

“Here, look at me,” he said, nudging the guy until he finally looked over at him, and it was then that he noticed. He actually had quite a baby face, with a large amount of baby fat in his cheeks that almost looked like he was pouting. But his eyes had a natural glaring look to it, and couple that with his pouting mouth it gave the look of being angry. He couldn’t help it; that annoying older brother part of him reached out and pushed the guy’s bangs from his face, forcing him to turn his head back and forth.

“You should pull your bangs from your eyes. It’ll help take away that mean look.”

The guy hurriedly pulled away and fixed his bangs, drawing in on himself again. “Stop, don’t do that.” He reached out again and forced the guy’s shoulders back, pushing his chin up. “Don’t hunch up on yourself. It’ll only make your image worse.” He noticed how the guy was silent, staring at him in such a way that he quickly pulled away, coughing as he tried to salvage his image. “J-just keep that in mind.”

It took the guy a few seconds to realize he wanted to stop talking, and he could see him deflate as he instinctively turned in on himself again. He buried his face into his hands, refusing to look back at him. While he had no intention of making friends with anyone here, he couldn’t help but try and help this poor guy next to him. That pout…that misunderstood glare; it reminded him so much of what Seok-jin used to be like.

Seok-jin used to be such a cute little boy; he had a baby face until about a year ago and would cutely follow him around all the time. Everyone in their small neighborhood had known about Seok-jin being a bastard child, and all the boys would tease him for it. He hadn’t understood what it meant, nor did he want to believe it, and would always try to play with the others. It was only after his mother sat him down and explained to him what really happened that Seok-jin changed into the angry boy he was today. She still regretted telling him till this day.

He just had to sit next to the one guy that reminded him of his brother.

Throughout the whole lunch, he thankfully having bought the two of them food this time, he noticed the guy didn’t touch a single bit of his food, instead dutifully taking notes. He wouldn’t admit he was curious, but he couldn’t help peeking over and watching him.

If only Seok-jin had stayed like this.

When classes were done, he hurriedly shoved his things into his bag, his mind already whirling as he tried to remember the fastest way back to Saet-byul. He could see how flustered she was when he’d picked her yesterday, and he had been only there fifteen minutes late. He threw his bag over his shoulder and was ready to leave when “…um, Woo-jin?”

It took him a second to register that that was his name, and he turned to see the same guy fidgeting next to him, his hands clasped around a notebook. He hesitated before shakily thrusting the notebook into his arms. He spluttered as he took it, blinking incomprehensively. “What is this?”

“I-I noticed you didn’t take notes during class. I wrote them down for you…if you don’t want it I can-” The guy made a move to grab the notebook back but he hurriedly took a few steps back, holding it close to his chest.

“Hold on, that was what you were doing during lunch? You didn’t have to do this.” He flipped through the first couple pages to see some of the neatest notes he’d ever seen, marking each point the lectures had covered. There were even some graphs drawn; he must be one of those perfectionists. The guy’s face was bright red, and he realized the other was embarrassed. He smiled as he reached out and ruffled the guy’s hair, laughing at the absurdity of it all. He couldn’t very well tell him he already learned all of this before. “Thank you…what’s your name?”

“J-Jung Taek-woon.”

“Thank you Taek-woonie. I have to go, but I’ll copy these down and return it to you tomorrow, okay?” He barely gave the guy a wave before running out of there, missing the small smile that grew on the other’s lips.

 

“N…what is kissing?” His eyes widened as he spluttered, looking down to see any indication she was joking, only to be met with that damned curious expression. He turned away as his mind went into overdrive, trying to figure a way of explaining something like that without her mother finding out and skinning him alive. He decided to cop out.

“Where did you hear that?”

“These girls were talking about it in the bathroom. They wanted to ‘kiss’ someone from another class, and they got really embarrassed about it when they realized I was there. I wondered what it was that could have gotten them so embarrassed.”

“Well….kissing is…” She leaned in closer and he quickly pushed her away. “It’s something you only do with someone you really love.”

“But what is it?”

“It’s when you touch lips with someone else.”

“Like this?” She placed her bag on the floor as she crawled up onto her knees, leaning over his arm to place a quick kiss on his lips. He barely registered the touch, his mind completely blanking as she pulled away, giggling. He’d never kissed before, not even kissing his mother; he’d held onto that first kiss for the day he met the love of his life. Even for the brief dating stints he had, he had never kissed them.

However Saet-byul, the thirteen year old daughter of the woman who kidnapped him, had stolen his first kiss.

She noticed his lack of reaction and quickly frowned, her fingers hovering over her lips. “Y-you said it was something you did with someone you love. I love you, isn’t that okay then?” An older woman behind them disapprovingly cleared her throat, snapping him out of his reverie.

“T-that’s a different kind of love. The way you love me is different from how you love somebody you kiss.”

“I don’t understand. There’s only one love, right? How can I love someone more than you? What kind of love is that?”

“It’s because you haven’t loved anyone else yet. You’ll understand one day.”

“But you’re saying I can’t kiss you?”

“No, you can’t.”

“Is it a bad thing?”

“No…it’s not. But you don’t do it in public; it’s something only done in private.”

“Why?”

“It’s something very special, so you share it only between the two of you.”

“So I can kiss you at home?”

“What? No! I told you, you can’t kiss me.”

“But I don’t understand why the way I love you is not special enough.”

He leaned in until he was only inches from her face, watching how her mouth closed right up. “You only love me because I am your doll. That love is not special.” He could see her face crumble, and while he knew in the back of his mind that what he said was harsh, he knew it had to be said. She pulled away and sat as close as she could to the window, her eyes avoiding his gaze.

He knew she tried to hide how she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

Her mother honed in on her tears the moment they stepped into the house, her eyes narrowing dangerously as she grabbed both of their arms. “What happened? Why is she crying?” Saet-byul just shook her head as she broke away, running straight to her room. His heart dropped when he realized he was alone, alone with the mother of the girl that cried. Her grip on his arm tightened, and he winced. “What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything to her.”

“Don’t lie to me. What made her cry? I know it was you.”

“I did what you said,” he snapped, pulling away before she had a chance to slap him. “I reminded her that I was just a doll.”

She was furious as she lunged forward and grabbed at his hair, her fingers slipping through his short strands. She frustratingly grabbed his ear, pulling him down, growling when he yelled out. “Yes, you’re her doll,” she hissed, her voice so low and close that it made all the hairs on his body stand on end, “but your job is to make her happy. You are never to make her cry. Do you understand me?” He weakly nodded his head and she flung him away; he tripped over his own feet and toppled to the ground. “Don’t you ever let her come into this house again like that. Next time you make her cry, I’ll kill you.”

“I promise,” he muttered, watching as she huffed before walking towards Saet-byul’s room. He waited until he heard the door shut and muffled whispering on the other side before he reached up and rubbed his throbbing ear.

He would never win with that woman. If Saet-byul comes home crying, he gets beaten and threatened. If Saet-byul came back with the biggest smile on her face, he probably would still get beaten and threatened. Nothing he did would ever please that woman; every day he walked around her on eggshells, afraid one day she’d follow through and cut him down. But not only him; anything he did came with the veiled threat of affecting Seok-jin. She knew she had him wrapped around her finger, him willing to bend over backwards for his little brother.

He glanced over to the hidden basement door, his eyes lingering on the deadlock hanging under the handle. He had harbored so many fantasies of pushing the woman and Saet-byul aside, breaking open the lock and rushing down to save his brother. Cradling his little brother in his arms, he would fly back up out of the stairs and out the door. Sometimes he even imagined himself saving the other dolls. His fantasy would always end with him running home, his mother bursting into tears as she hugged the two of them, holding them as tightly as her weak arms could.

He blinked back tears as he pushed the fantasy away, knowing that it would never be any more than that –a fantasy.

He was just about to pull his blazer tighter when he felt his body rise on its own, his feet moving awkwardly as they headed in the direction of Saet-byul’s room. It took a few tries, at one point he snickered to himself at how hard she was trying, but he eventually ended up at the door, his hand reaching out and turning the doorknob.

Saet-byul was sitting in the corner of her bed wrapped like a cocoon in her blanket, only a partial amount of her face able to be seen. While the doll was hidden, he could tell she wanted to be held, his hands shaking as if fighting the urge to hug her. But his eyes were focused on something entirely, her mother sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes narrowing on him. The air was full of tension until Saet-byul couldn’t handle it anymore, having him walk past her mother to sit by her side. She didn’t waste any time crawling into his arms.

“You shouldn’t have him hug you so much,” her mother snapped, though curiously there was no malice in her voice. Saet-byul didn’t respond, only digging herself deeper into his lap. Her mother scooted closer onto the bed, and he stayed absolutely still in fear while Saet-byul pushed herself closer to his chest, reflexively pulling the blanket tighter. He couldn’t tell if the action bothered the older woman, though her eyes went between the two of them with tight lips.

“Where are you clothes, N?” she asked suddenly, and he had to blink at the sudden change in attitude and voice from the other woman. He and Saet-byul shared a quick glance between each other before he hesitantly nodded his head in the direction of the group of boxes left in the corner. The woman didn’t spare him a second glance as she got up and grabbed the thread-bare clothes he’d been wearing since the day he made the mistake of stepping inside for Seok-jin. “Is this it?”

“Y-yes,” he said slowly, unsure of what she was trying to do.

“Good. I’m using it for the fabric for a doll I’m making. I’m running low.” She made a move to leave and he panicked.

“Wait! What am I going to wear if you take that?”

“You have your school uniform don’t you? Just wear that.”

“But-” He blinked when his voice cut off; he looked down hurriedly to see Saet-byul quickly shake her head, her fingers around the doll shaking. He watched helplessly as she left with his clothes, and only when she was gone did the locks on his body disappear and his shoulders slumped down, defeated. Saet-byul shifted in his lap so to better look at him, bringing his hand to the edge of her chin.

“It’s best not to say anything. She would have punished you if you said any more.”

“But what am I supposed to wear?” he asked sadly, glancing down at his school uniform. While it worked for the brief walks to school, there was no way he could sleep in this freezing house with just his blazer. Not to mention everyone would eventually be able to tell when his new uniform was suddenly completely worn down. “It’s so cold in here.”

“Some of the older dolls have left over clothes, maybe Mommy means to give you one of those.” He wrinkled his nose at the thought of wearing someone else’s clothes, and she seemed to notice. “Mommy cleans them, so they’re all clean. Come on, we can look at them.” Quickly wiggling herself out of her blanket cocoon, she climbed off the bed and grabbed his hand. He immediately tensed, shaking his head.

“Not now Saet-byul. Your mother-”

“She probably went into the basement. We should be fine.” She pulled on his arm a little harder, her lower lip sticking out slightly in a pout, and he sighed as he allowed her to drag him away.


	7. Chapter 7

She peeked around the corner, breathing out in relief when her mother wasn’t in the room. She turned back to give N the okay, dragging him across the room. She sent a quick, nervous glance towards the basement door before stopping a few feet away, kneeling down in front of a large chest. She started pulling all the miscellaneous things that had started to pile on it from disuse, smiling gratefully when N helped her. Opening the clasp, she pushed open the lid, coughing at the amount of dust that flew in her face.

“Are you sure these are clean?” he asked behind her, and her cheeks flushed.

“They were clean originally,” she defended lamely, bravely reaching in and pushing some of the clothes aside, noticing immediately at how big the clothes were. Now that she thought about it, most of her mother’s dolls were much older; she had been very surprised when she introduced Seok-jin as a doll and even more when she had offered to make N her doll. She rustled through the box a little more before pulling out a shirt that she recognized, holding it out in front of him. “How’s this one?”

He took it gingerly, holding it up by the sleeves in front of him, eyes squinting as he looked it over. “You should wear this shirt, I like it a lot.”

“It shouldn’t be too bad,” he murmured as he looked it over. “Flannel is good at staying warm.”

She smiled brilliantly at his approval. “If it doesn’t fit, Mommy can make it fit you. She’s very good at sewing.”

“I can imagine…”

She jumped back down as she searched through for a pair of pants, though this time having no idea what kind to give him. All the pants were the same, either brown or black, though they all seemed to be about the same size. “Here, I’ll find pants myself.” She scooted over when he knelt next to her, watching as he carefully looked through the chest, pausing on one pair and checking it over. “This should be good.”

“Do you like it?”

“Not really, but I don’t have a choice, do I?” He stood up with a sigh, his face anything but happy as his eyes roamed over the clothes. “Just have your mom wash this first, who knows how long it was sitting in that thing.” She nodded as she took the clothes back; placing them onto the table next to her mother’s sewing kit.

 

The next morning she was surprisingly awoken by a smiling N, who she found was wearing the hemmed shirt and pants they had picked out yesterday. Her mother must have done that for him last night. As N helped her get ready for school, he let her know that her mother had left that night, and had said that she wouldn’t be back for a few days. She could tell how happy the news made him, his smile never leaving his face and his mood the happiest she’d ever seen it, so she could never tell him how upset she was that she had never told her.

Before N came, her mother would never leave her alone for more than a day, always making sure to come back by night time. As much as her mother intimidated her, she could never live without her. She couldn’t help the sinking feeling in her chest at the thought that her mother was leaving her more and more, even if she N here to take care of her.

She forced a smile on her face when N took her to the kitchen, presenting her with a breakfast that he had made himself. Her face lit up at the sheer amount of food on the table; never before had she seen more than two dishes for breakfast. “You’ll be surprised,” N said lightly as he led her to her seat, handing her a pair of chopsticks. “I’m actually really good at cooking.”

“Really?” she took a bite of an egg and rice, her eyes widening when she realized that none of it was burnt. He laughed at her expression, sitting across from her with a smirk.

“Is it good?”

“It’s delicious.”

“That’s good.” He watched her eat for a few more seconds before he looked over to the hallway, his brows furrowing. "Kim Seok-jin! Hurry up and come eat breakfast!” She looked up in surprise to see the grumbling boy walk in, his hair lazily tousled and his clothes rumpled. Seok-jin slumped in the seat next to her and hungrily dug into the food, not greeting either of them as he ate. N tsked disapprovingly.

“You should at least say good morning.”

“Why would I?”

“It’s polite. Or at least say hi to Saet-byul.” Seok-jin paused at that, glancing at her silently before muttering out a quick hello. She nodded back to him, still in a daze, though he didn’t see it as he had already gone back to eating. “Don’t mind him, he has no manners.”

“Oh please, you’re one to talk,” Seok-jin bit back, and while they both sounded so angry and were glaring so fiercely, she could only blink in confusion when they just fell into fits of laughter. She didn’t understand any of this, what was going on? They were both acting so strangely; she had never seen N this happy and carefree, nor had she seen such a smile on Seok-jin’s face. N seemed to finally notice how confused she was, as the smile slipped away from his face and he coughed uncomfortably.

“Your mother allowed Seok-jin to come up while she’s gone. He can stay with us the whole time.”

“But…why are you so happy?” She hadn’t meant for that to come out so harshly, intimidated by the harsh glare Seok-jin sent her.

“We’re not even allowed to laugh in this shithole?”

“N-n-no,” she stuttered, leaning away as she tried to hide behind her hair, “I didn’t mean that…”

“What did you mean?” N asked kindly.

“I’ve never seen you so happy…you’re always angry or sad. And…I’ve never heard Seok-jin laugh before.” They both paused before Seok-jin awkwardly went back to eating, N staring at her silently before sighing softly.

“It’s not like that,” he said simply, heaping extra rice into her bowl. She waited for him to say more but he stayed silent, and soon their laughter seemed like a distant memory. She glanced at the two of them, seeing how stern their faces were, and felt her stomach twist uncomfortably. She…liked that kind of smile on N’s face. She liked everything about it.

She wanted to see it again.

Seok-jin was still in a foul mood when the two of them had to leave for school; she had tried briefly to plead N to letting her stay home now that her mother was gone, though that didn’t last when Seok-jin sent her the angriest glare he could muster. She scurried to N’s side outside, and Seok-jin slammed the door shut before she had to chance to run back inside. N sighed as he cupped her head and leaned it against his side, leading her towards the bus stop. “Don’t mind him, he’s just cranky.”

She didn’t pull away from his touch, breathing in his scent, as she frowned sadly. “I didn’t mean to upset him.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said distractingly, and she could tell by the clipped tone that he was only saying that to make her feel better. Neither said anything the entire way to the bus stop, and she followed silently as they boarded the bus. It wasn’t until N had gotten them both a seat on the bus that he finally spoke again.

“Hey...stop frowning. Your face will get stuck like that.” She wrinkled her brown in confusion, not understanding what he meant, so he just smiled as he reached out and pulled the corners of her mouth upward. “Smile a little.” She pulled away, her chest still tight and uncomfortable from this morning and he sighed tiredly. “I told you it’s not your fault. Seok-jin just has a short temper.”

“N…why did Mommy leave?”

She could see his face freeze as he had to back track from their previous conversation, taking a couple seconds before answering. “She didn’t tell me anything specific. She just said that something important came up and she had to go. She said since it was last minute she’d bring Seok-jin up.”

That…didn’t make her feel any better. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Don’t worry so much about that,” he said, and she knew that meant he didn’t know either. “I thought you of all people would know how strange your mother is when it comes to you.” Oh, she knew, but if anything, the only thing her mother consistently did was never leave her alone for long. That was the reason she was so hurt and lost right now. “She sounded like it was important, so I’m sure she would have told you if she had time. She’ll probably explain herself when she comes back.”

“Do…you think?”

“I’m sure.”

 

The boy that sat next to her smiled at her as N finally peeled her off of his side, the boy being the only one N felt comfortable leaving her with. While most of her was on overdrive at N trying to leave her, a small part of her felt warmed by the fact that he was so protective of her. N gave her a quick hug, promising to be back over as soon as classes are done, and left as soon as he came. She stared dejectedly in the direction he left, only looking away when the boy tapped on her arm.

“Would you like to go in now?” She reluctantly nodded her head and followed him in, ever so thankful that she and N always came in early. The two of them headed to the back of the room, sitting down together. He gave her another smile. “Did you finish the homework?” Knowing this as routine at this point, she pulled out her workbook and handed it to him and letting him look it over. “You’re doing really well, you’re very smart.”

She never did tell him that N always did it with her, so of course it would be correct.

He tried speaking with her for a little longer before she noticed how his cheeks reddened and his body pulled in on itself, and she stared at him confusedly at his sudden change. She turned to the door to see if anyone else came in, but frowned when she saw the door still closed. She waited a couple more minutes before he finally caved, stuttering out, “C-can you speak?” She paused, surprised, and he took her lack of response as a no. “I-I didn’t mean it like that! I was just wondering because you never speak. I just didn’t want you getting bullied by Su-mi and the others and-”

“I can speak,” she said in the quietest voice, both wanting to reassure him and wishing vehemently that he didn’t hear her.

He did, however, and he paused to marvel her, something that was making her increasingly uncomfortable. “Why don’t you speak more?” She just shook her head, already kicking herself for saying anything, and he seemed to understand. “Sorry, I won’t ask you to speak again.” She sent him a grateful look that he finally reciprocated, and the two of them eventually fell back to their casual, yet reserved, relationship.

When classes were done, the boy quickly packed his bag with a quick sorry to her that he wouldn’t be able to wait for N with her. While at first she hadn’t asked for the other boy to sit and wait with her, he told her that he at least wanted to see that she headed home safely. She was still confused with why the boy treated her so kindly, but at this point she almost expected it, so it hurt when he said he couldn’t wait for her.

“Sorry,” he said breathily, stopping to smile at her. “I have to meet my mom for an appointment today, I have to go.” She nodded dejectedly and he laughed. “Hey, I know you don’t like talking, but could you at least try saying my name? It’s Sanghyuk, though you could just call me Hyuk.” She watched his face, how eager he was as he waited for her answer, and for the first time in a long time, she willingly opened her mouth to a stranger.

“…H-Hyuk…” His face lit up so brightly that she found herself chuckling, and she found herself waving back as he excitedly waved at her as he left. He was happy and cheerful, so different from the cold and deadened place that was her home. She liked it.

She wasn’t able to revel in the happy feeling Hyuk left her, a hand slamming on her desk and forcing her to look up. “So, you can talk.”

She blinked up at the tall girl hovering over her desk, and just as she was confused at why the boy was so sweet with her, she was confused as to why this girl hated her so much. The girl was holding her broom, something the boy had explained as students’ duties to clean the classroom, and used it to prod her painfully in the arm. “So you were purposefully ignoring us then? Think you’re all that do you?” She winced when the broom poked her hard in the side, urging her to move her bag, and N’s doll, to safety.

“What’s in that bag, huh? You’re always hiding it.” The girl made a reach to grab it and she shrieked, knocking her chair back as she jumped away. The girl’s eyes narrowed, her grip on the broom tightening, though she wasn’t able to do anything when a teacher came back in the room, his eyes lingering on her hugging her bag.

“What are you doing Han Su-mi?” the teacher asked casually, and she could see the girl flinch. “Aren’t you on cleaning duty today?”

“Yes teacher,” she said tartly, her eyes staring straight at her as she grudgingly returned to sweeping the floor.

“Yoon Saet-byul?” She flinched at the sound of her name to see the teacher smiling at her, motioning her over. She hesitated, not keen with moving away. “Here, you can wait for you friend in the-” She stopped him with a firm shake of her head, ignoring his confused look. N told her to wait here, he would pick her up here; she was not about to leave this place. Even if that meant she had to stay with the mean girl who didn’t like her.

The teacher didn’t look happy to leave her alone, though eventually he did leave, and that was when the other girl attacked. She stalked right up to her, grabbing her arm viciously and yanking her close, her hot breath on her face. “You…you have no idea-”

“Saet-byul?”

That voice. Her head snapped to the doorway to see her beautiful N standing there, concern on his face when he saw the other girl holding her tight. She smiled brightly as she tried to quickly push the other girl away, whimpering when the other girl refused to let go. N was over by her side in seconds, snatching the girl’s wrist and yanking her away, his expression furious. She took that as her cue to run away, running to the safety that was his back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked dangerously, his voice having an edge that she’d never heard before. The girl’s face contorted as she started to shout, though strangely the moment she saw N’s face she stopped. She watched the girl’s face redden, and she wondered if the girl was that startled by how scary he was.

“I-I-”

“Don’t touch her.” He held the girl fast until she finally nodded in agreement, and only then did he shove her away. He turned back to her and only then did his expression soften, reaching out and gently taking her hand in his. “Come on, let’s go home.” She nodded, liking the feeling of his warm hand holding hers, and followed him out, not looking back once at the girl left behind.

“Are you okay?” he asked once they were a ways away from the school, looking down at her with concern. For the second time that day her heart warmed at the sound of worry in his voice, and she nodded happily. Her answer didn’t seem to appease him much, a slight frown still on his lips and his brows furrowed. “What did you do that made her grab you like that?”

That wiped the smile from her face, ripping her hand out of his. “What makes you think it was my fault?”

“I didn’t say it was your fault-”

“But you ask what I did to make her angry.”

“It’s not like that. Usually girls don’t hurt others for nothing. There’s usually a reason why they would bully you.”

She didn’t know what the word ‘bully’ meant, but she still didn’t like how he was pretty much accusing her of making the girl hurt her. She didn’t like that at all. She felt something bubble in the pit of her stomach, growing slowly every second he stared at her as if she was wrong. Why didn’t N believe her? She hadn’t done a single thing wrong.

“Saet-byul, I-”

“No!” she screamed, in one smooth movement swinging her bag to her front and whipping his doll out, ignoring his look of surprise as she used her fist to pound its stomach. N gagged as he bent violently at the waist, his arms wrapped protectively around his stomach. But that wouldn’t help him; she pounded furiously all over his body until she was satisfied –until he was a withering ball on the ground. She panted heavily, having used so much of her strength, and it was only as she calmed that she noticed how much pain she had inflicted on her doll.

She gasped when she saw how much pain he was in, shivering and trembling as he was unable to move from his fetal position.

“N!” She threw down everything as she ran to his side, cradling his head in her arms and holding him close to her chest. “I’m so sorry, N. I’m so sorry.” His whole body continued to shake for a long time, his eyes closed tight and small whimpers leaving his lips. “I’m so sorry.” She leaned down and showered his sweat covered forehead with kisses, tenderly running her hands through his hair.

They stayed that way for over half an hour, her never stopping stroking his head and him fighting every urge to just die there. Eventually, the pain in his body subsided enough that he fell asleep in her arms, and he would never know how just the sound of his subtle breathing was enough to calm her. She shifted ever so slightly so that her back leaned against the brick wall lining the sidewalk, moving his head so that it rested comfortably on her lap.

She tried to ignore the few people who would glance their way as they passed by, wishing she could shoo them all away when they stepped over N’s body. Using her foot, she pulled her bag and doll to her side, making sure to keep them away from anybody that walked by.

After what seemed like forever, and with the sun just beginning to set, N’s eyes finally blinked open. He tried to roll out of her arms, though she held on tight to his head, stopping him. “Saet-byul…” he moaned, and she just wrapped her arms tighter around his head.

“I’m sorry N. I’m so sorry. I was so angry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She leaned back over before he had a chance to say anything, burrowing her face into his neck. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t say anything, the only thing letting her know he was okay being the soft sound of him breathing. “Are you okay?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said with a defeated sigh, “the pain disappears after a while.”

“But-”

“It doesn’t matter,” he repeated, louder, and she quickly shut her mouth. This time he forced himself out of her grasp, wobbling to his feet. “We need to hurry up and catch the bus. I don’t even know if the bus goes back at this time.” She guiltily stood up with him, slinging her bag over her shoulder and cradling the doll in her arms. His gaze lingered on the doll briefly before turning on his heel and continuing to walk, not looking back at her once.

She knew he was angry at her, and this time he had every right to be. She didn’t know why she had gotten so angry earlier, it definitely hadn’t warranted her using his doll. She just…she looked down and fingered the doll’s crude smile, rubbing the stitching. She just hadn’t liked N siding with that girl, assuming she was wrong. She didn’t like it when he wasn’t smiling and loving her.

But now N wouldn’t even look at her.

She didn’t like it.

Luckily for them, N was able to catch the last bus heading home, breathlessly climbing abroad. The bus was a lot emptier than what it normally was, multiple seats opened, and the only reasoning she could think of was that it was late. When N came across two open seats, she started to move in to sit first, though she froze when he sat down first, taking the window seat. After he sat, he looked up at her with a sharp eye expectantly and she fought the urge to cry. Why was he being so mean?

Someone brushed passed her and she yelped, hurriedly flying into the chair next to him, shivering at the contact. She turned to N, hoping he would lend her a comforting hand, though he was only looking out the window, his body turned away from her.

It hurt so much.

Seok-jin was worried when they came back, yelling at the two of them as if it was their fault that he was worried. He stopped though when he saw how upset N was, and after the two of them whispered together, Seok-jin would send her angry glares when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Dinner was uncomfortable; N and Seok-jin ate together on one side of the table while they placed her plate of food on the other end. They spoke in low whispers to each other, leaving her alone. They finished quickly, but didn’t wait to see if she was done or not when they got up and went to wash their dishes.

She sat alone with her half touched food at the empty table, her heart in the pit of her stomach and tears brimming at the edge of her eyes. This was all her fault; of course she must have done something to make that other girl upset. N would never have sided with the other girl unless what she had done had actually been bad. It only made her feel worse in that she had unfairly punished N. She silently jumped down from her chair and ran to her room, peeking inside to see the two of them sitting together, playing and smiling.

 

Dejectedly, she headed back to her seat at the table, pulling the doll out and letting it sit against her small cup. She bravely put up a trembling smile, stroking the doll’s face with a finger. She moved her food to the side and pulled out her homework, too afraid to ask N to help her with it. She struggled with it, though she felt that in the end she hadn’t done too bad. N would have been so proud of her. She looked over to the doll to see it smiling at her, and she took that as enough praise.

By that time, it was late and she was tired, so she went to her room to get ready for bed. Maybe now N will have calmed down and she can say sorry again, and then everything would be okay as they laid down for bed. She peeked around the corner of her doorway and felt her heart drop at seeing the two boys sleeping together, N’s warm arms wrapped around Seok-jin.

Why wasn’t he hugging her?

Running back into the kitchen, she let her mind go on autopilot as she wrapped her food away for tomorrow, washing down all the tables and chairs. She washed her face and changed for bed, grabbing N’s doll and running into her mother’s bedroom. She normally would never enter this room for anything, but tonight more than anything she missed her mother.

That night, instead of having N’s warm arms hugging her, she had her arms hugging the doll.

 

She didn’t want to see N in the morning. She hadn’t slept well last night, cold and alone in her mother’s room with nothing but a small doll to hold. Not only that, but he was probably still mad at her and she didn’t think she could last if he continued to glare at her. She crept over to her room to see the two of them still asleep, though now Seok-jin was sprawled out over the floor and N asleep on the bed. She would have left them like that if it wasn’t for the troubled look on N’s face, his fingers twitching as he slept.

Filled with resolve, she tiptoed over Seok-jin’s body as she carefully climbed onto the side of the bed, leaning her face inches from his own. With the softest movements, she placed her lips on his forehead, smoothing out all of the creases in his skin. Holding the doll next to her mouth, she whispered lovingly, “Sleep well.” Almost instantly the wrinkles in his face vanished as his slightly labored breathing softened to a small snore. Just like how her mother did to her, she reached over and pulled the blanket over and tucked it under his chin.

While every part of her screamed no, and while she wanted nothing more than to curl back in bed and hide, she dressed herself for school. There was no way she could get N to come with her now, now that she had forced him into a deeper sleep. But she wanted to show that she could be a good girl; that she could go to school on her own and do well on her own. Maybe when he sees how good she was, and how sorry she was, he would forgive her. She just wanted to be forgiven.

Following the route N had always taken, she headed to the bus stop, swallowing all the fears and sobs that threatened to show themselves the moment she saw other people. One woman saw her and smiled, and she felt her whole body shake when she came over.

“Hello,” she said with a smile. “It’s just you today?” She sent her a confused look and the woman motioned behind her. “You’re not with your brother today?” She hesitated briefly before shaking her head. “Do you know how to get to where you’re going?” While she didn’t want to admit it, she eventually shook her head. The woman looked at her with a mix of pity and concern, looking around to see if the bus had come yet.

“Which school do you go to?”

Following what N had told her to do the first day, she pulled her wallet out of her bag and showed the woman the card. Her eyes widened in surprise, handing it back to her. “You go to school in Seoul?” She nodded and the woman just shook her head. “I have to go to Seoul to work, we can ride together and I can show you how to get to school.” She didn’t want to, she didn’t want to follow this strange woman, and she definitely didn’t want to leave home. But she needed to, she needed to in order for N to forgive her. So in the end she agreed to the woman’s offer, jumping and barely holding back a shriek when the woman reached out and held her hand.

Her hand was cold.

The woman let her sit on the inside seat by the window. “That’s an interesting doll. Did you brother give it to you?” Her initial reaction was to quickly press herself against the window, hiding her precious doll from this woman’s lecherous eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you. I was just curious; that’s not a normal doll.”

“It’s mine,” she murmured quietly, and the woman looked shocked that she spoke. She didn’t like speaking with others, and she would never do it again. But she would not let this woman ask about this doll again. She didn’t care that the woman looked hurt or not, and the two of them sat in silence together for the entire rest of the ride.

When they got off the bus, she grudgingly stuck to the woman’s side, not about to admit how she needed the other’s help to get anywhere. “Sweetheart,” the woman said softly, lifting her arm up slightly to see her face pressed into her side, “could you hand me your card again? I need to check before we head over.” She didn’t like this woman calling her names; she didn’t like anything about it. But the woman hadn’t lied about bringing her to Seoul; she recognized this area and knew she was taking her the right way. So even though she hated it, she handed the woman her wallet again.

“Yoon Saet-byul?” Both she and the woman stopped at the new voice, and she whirled around to see the boy that sat next to her standing a ways away. She blinked at the sight, wondering how in this gigantic city she managed to run into him all the way out here. He glanced between the two of them before jogging up to her, plastering a wide smile on his face. “You’re really early today, aren’t you?”

“Do you know this boy, sweetheart?” The boy looked her up and down, frowning.

“Is this your mom?”

She opened her mouth to answer but the woman beat her to it, shaking her head as she handed her back her wallet. “Oh no, I was only helping her get to school. Honey, is this boy a friend of yours?” They both stared at her and she felt pressured, wanting to shake her head but only ending up nodding. A wide smile broke out on the boy’s face.

“Thank you for helping,” the boy said quickly as he grabbed her hand and pulled her away, not wasting any time from getting away. “You should be careful,” he said when the woman was out of earshot. “You shouldn’t trust everyone, especially when coming to a big place like Seoul. It’s dangerous.” But she wasn’t really listening to what he was saying.

She could only think about how his hand was warm.

“Are you listening Saet-byul? This is important!” She blinked when he stopped walking, his hand still holding hers as he stared at her in worry. “You really can’t just go around with anybody, that lady could have taken you anywhere!”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, her eyes downcast, and she could see his mouth immediately snap shut, his fingers hovering over his lips.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you like that. I was just worried.” She still wouldn’t look him in the eye and she heard him sigh. “Saet-byul, please don’t think I’m angry at you….here, do you have a phone? I could give you my phone number and we can meet at the bus stop. How’s that?” When she only stared at him, he stuck a hand in his pocket and pulled out a small rectangle and showed something that definitely did not look like a phone. “This is a phone. Do you have one?”

He pressed a button and the whole front lit up with a picture of a girl on it, and his whole face turned red as he quickly pulled it back. She watched him frantically push a few buttons before he dared show it to her again, this time with a bunch of numbers that resembled the phone she had at home. When she touched it curiously, it made a noise and she pulled back quickly. “You…you don’t have one?” She shook her head and he pursed his lips. “What time do you arrive here? I could meet you.”

“…why?”

He paused at her voice again, though this time it took him less time to recover. “I want to make sure you get around here okay. I can tell you’ve never been to Seoul before, and I don’t want you to get lost.”

“…but…N comes with me….”

“Do you mean your brother? Ah, that’s right, he usually brings you, doesn’t he? But where is he? Did he send you here alone?” She fiddled with her bag strap, unwilling to answer why N didn’t come with her today. He seemed to realize he was prying, stopping any talk as he just gave her a wide smile and took her hand again. “I guess it doesn’t matter. Why don’t we just go to class, hmm?”

She shyly smiled as he slipped his warm hand back into hers, letting him take her away.


	8. Chapter 8

“Hyung? Hyung! Wake the fuck up you lazy ass!” Hak-yeon’s eyes shot open as he sat straight up in bed, his bleary vision just barely catching Seok-jin leering above him. He shook his head tiredly as he tried to brush the last bit of sleep from his eyes, groaning when he realized how tired he actually was.  
  
“What is it?” he asked annoyed, shaking his head and frustratingly ruffling his hair. He forced his tired eyes opened to glare at his brother, though he noticed with a sinking heart how the hallway was full of sunlight from the windows in the main room. “What time is it?”  
  
“It’s well past noon. What were you doing sleeping this late?”  
  
“Shit! I have school!” He jumped out of bed and moved to grab his uniform, though Seok-jin just grabbed his arm, shaking his head at him.  
  
“There’s no point going hyung. It’s late.”  
  
“Yeah but- _shit._ Where’s Saet-byul?” He wasn’t reassured by Seok-jin’s genuinely stunned look, and he didn’t waste any time as he shot out of the room.  
  
“What are you worrying about that girl for? Didn’t you say yesterday that she hurt you? Forget about her.”  
  
A small part of him hoped he would see her staring up at him with her big eyes when he ran into the main room, though he only panicked when he saw it was empty. “Saet-byul? Where are you?” He ran back down the hallway, opening all the doors and checking to see if she was hiding somewhere. He even dared going into her mother’s room, and he could tell from the messy covers that that was where she’d slept last night. “Saet-byul!”  
  
“She’s not here hyung,” Seok-jin said with a slight hint of worry in his voice. “We’ve checked everywhere.”  
  
“Where could she have gone? That girl can’t go anywhere without me, let alone step outside the house.”  
  
“Her stuff is gone. Do you think she tried going to school?”  
  
His whole face paled at the thought of that tiny, naïve, reclusive little girl stepping out of the house all on her own to go to school in Seoul. There was no way she could get there on her own, she’d get lost and who knows what else would happen to her. But worse still…if she never came back, what would happen to him and Seok-jin? _Her mother would kill them._  
  
He refused to think Saet-byul had left on her own, and he headed back into their bedroom, desperately looking around to see if there was anywhere she could hide. She couldn’t have left, she needed him, she couldn’t do anything without him. Hell, it got to the point she refused to eat unless he was with her. There was no way she went to school.  
  
_There was no way._  
  
“Just accept it hyung. She went out. She’ll probably come back eventually.”  
  
“You don’t understand Seok-jin. That girl doesn’t know which way is up; she didn’t even know what a bus was. She has no way of getting to school.” He swung the front door open and ran down the steps, looking both ways in hopes of seeing the small girl huddled somewhere waiting for him.  
  
He shouldn’t have been so hard on her yesterday.  
  
He ran back inside and sat in the rocking chair by the fire, glancing out the window every five seconds and tapping his foot impatiently. He chewed his fingernails as he looked out the window again; how long was it until she was done with school? Did she know how to get back to the bus stop? Did she know which bus to take? She was so oblivious and ignorant, what if someone took advantage of that and kidnapped her? Seok-jin came into the main room with his hands in his pockets, only shaking his head at him with a sigh.  
  
“Hyung-”  
  
“Seok-jin, do you understand what will happen to us if she doesn’t come home?” It took his baby brother a few seconds for his words to sink in, though when they did he could see the same flash of panic cross his face. “Do you see why it’s important we find her?”  
  
“But what are we going to do? I can’t leave the house and you-”  
  
“I’m going to go to Seoul.” He ignored his brother’s exasperated look as he jumped to his feet, running back to the bedroom and grabbing his coat. “I’m going to check her school and see if she’s there. If not…you stay here in case she comes home.”  
  
“What if she doesn’t come home?”  
  
“Don’t think about that right now. I can only hope that she wasn’t stupid enough to go somewhere she didn’t know how to get back from.” He swung open the front door and paused, taking a deep breath. “Seok-jinnie…” He turned back to his brother, staring at the open glare that was filled with worry, and grabbed him in a bone-crushing hug. “I love you.”  
  
“G-god, stop it hyung! S-so embarrassing…” Seok-jin pushed him off in annoyance, but for once he was able to tell there was no animosity behind it. He gave his brother one last pat on the shoulder before heading out, pulling his collar up as high as he could.  
  
It was snowing as he waited alone at the bus stop, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyes continuously scanning the area. He shivered as he glanced down at his bus card, wondering when the bus was going to come. He looked over to the small corner where he and Saet-byul usually waited, and he could only imagine how scared she was as she waited. He chewed the inside of his cheek.  
  
He knew how hurt she was yesterday; he could feel every time she stroked the doll’s face, something he knew she did when she was sad. Of course he had been angry and feeling betrayed when she punished his doll, he was only trying to find out what she could have done to get that girl to bully her. There are tons of things Saet-byul could have done without realizing it was offensive. But thinking back now, he could see how confused and scared she was when he ignored her, how she continuously tried speaking to him but him quickly turning her down. He hadn’t wanted to see her at all yesterday, but now he realized that he probably had made everything worse.  
  
He was snapped out of his reverie when the bus arrived, and he silently boarded the bus and snagged a seat right away. Maybe he wasn’t giving her enough credit; maybe she got on the bus and successfully made her way to school. She could be in class right now, sitting with homework that she must have done on her own since he had been too stubborn to help her with.  But the chance of that was so slim.  
  
He was too worried to sleep on the bus, spending the entire bus ride biting his fingernails and having his stomach wring itself into knots. He jumped off the bus as soon as it stopped and headed straight to her school, the only thing stopping him from running be the blanket of snow covering the ground.  
  
By the time he arrived at the school, the first students were beginning to leave, the chiming of the bells sounding out even from the gates. Panting, he waited by the main gate as he scanned the students for Saet-byul, hoping to find her signature long black hair the draped over her face and the doll held tightly in her arms. He grew more and more agitated when he didn’t see her, growing restless as he waited. If she wasn’t here, he was wasting time.  
  
He was just about to get out of there when he felt a slight tug in his chest, and he looked up in both relief and shock to see that familiar little girl walking out of the building. And while his mind was whirling about the fact that she was here, _in school_ , he was more preoccupied with the boy walking by her side. Who was that? She didn’t look scared by his side, and he saw her smile shyly to whatever it was the guy was saying.  
  
Before he had a chance to do anything, Saet-byul lifted her head up and her big eyes met his, freezing up and looking as if she was about to cry. She didn’t say anything; it was the first time in a long while that she didn’t smile and squeal at the mere sight of him. His fingers twitched, his body already used to the ridiculous habit of wanting to hug her the moment he saw her. He took a step forward though she immediately stepped back, getting the attention of the boy by her side.  
  
“Saet-byul? What’s wrong?” She didn’t answer his question as she took another step backward before turning right around, running away. “Saet-byul!”  
He left the other boy behind as he bolted after her; his long legs proved useful as he easily caught back up to her, grabbing her shoulder and yanking her back. He whirled her around to face him, and he paused at the horrified look on her face. “Saet-byul-”  
  
“Please don’t talk to me,” she choked out, growing smaller under his gaze.  
  
He frowned, now even more concerned. “What do you mean?”  
  
“I don’t want to see you angry at me anymore. Please…it makes me so sad when you are angry at me.”  
  
“How can I not be angry at you?” he snapped, her whole face crumbling. “You left the house this morning without telling me. Do you know how worried I was when I found you missing?” He could see her brow wrinkle in confusion. “I was so worried that you would have gotten lost or something bad happened to you.”  
  
“I-I…”  
  
“How did you get here anyway? Do you really remember how to get here?”  
  
“Saet-byul?” He nearly growled at the new voice, looking over his shoulder to see the boy from earlier catch up to them. He looked between the two of them, his expression changing. “You…you’re Saet-byul’s brother, right?” He stared at the boy for a second until Saet-byul pulled herself out of his grasp, the first time she’d ever done so, and shook her head.  
  
“Then who is he?”  
  
“I’m a family friend,” he said a little forcefully, not keen on being interrupted. “Who are you?”  
  
“I-”  
  
“He’s my friend.” He froze at the small voice behind him, and he turned around to see Saet-byul actively avoiding his gaze. The boy looked just as surprised, and his eyes narrowed when he saw how wide the guy’s smile got at that. It was then he took a good look at this guy.  
  
The kid looked older than his age, though he guessed it wasn’t a fair comparison when put next to Saet-byul. He had a baby face, even worse than Taek-woon, a youthful face that seemed to be optimistic and happy. Honestly, there was nothing really wrong with the guy; he looked to be an actual, honest guy. He just wasn’t sure he trusted him with Saet-byul, especially if she thought of him as a friend.  
  
Still on guard, he asked carefully, “What’s your name?”  
  
The boy picked at his bag strap, suddenly uncomfortable under his harsh gaze. “H-Han Sang-hyuk.”  
  
“He helped me get to school,” Saet-byul whispered behind him, and the boy quickly nodded in agreement.  
  
“I met her at the bus stop with someone. I led her away before she was taken anywhere else.” His eyes widened as he turned back to Saet-byul, and the guy’s story was only proven by how embarrassed she was. “Please don’t be angry at her, she didn’t know.” The guy must have realized he had said something wrong, him biting his lip and continuously sending Saet-byul apologetic looks. He decided to save the two from any further embarrassment, clearing his throat and gaining two sets of large eyes on him.  
  
“Thank you for helping her get to class. We’ll be leaving now.” The boy gawked for a few seconds before bowing hurriedly, smiling and wishing Saet-byul a safe trip home. The boy gave him a smaller, less excited goodbye before running off, leaving the two of them alone. When he was sure he was gone, he turned back to the little girl behind him. “He’s your friend?”  
  
She nodded slowly, and he realized she was still afraid of him. “Saet-byul…I’m sorry about yesterday.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I over-reacted to what you did yesterday. I was angry, but I shouldn’t have ignored you all day.”  
  
“No, it’s not your fault,” she said hurriedly, waving her hands back and forth and a look of desperation on her face. “I was wrong yesterday, I shouldn’t have punished you. I was wrong. That’s why…that’s why…” her voice grew smaller with each word, her head lowering again, “that’s why I let you sleep this morning and went to school by myself. I thought that if I showed you I could go to school all by myself, you would be proud of me and forgive me.”  
  
“You…you thought that would impress me?” he asked breathlessly, shell-shocked to think that all of this was to try and get him to forgive her. He never realized how much she suffered when he ignored her; he honestly had just been huffy and stubborn, but because of that the poor girl fought against all her fears and came to Seoul on her own. Overcome with emotions, he reached out and pulled the girl in a tight hug, leaning over to rest his head on hers. “Saet-byul, you didn’t need to do any of that.”  
  
He could feel her shoulders slump and it was as if the dams burst, her whole body racking with sobs and large, wet tears wetting his shirt. Neither said anything for the longest time, standing in front of the school gates with her in his arms, him soothingly rubbing her head and shushing her. After a long while, her sobs softened until she was only sniffling, and it was only then that he gently pulled away. He lifted her chin up with a finger, smiling softly at her tear stained face. “Feel better?”  
  
She bit her lip as she nodded, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Why don’t we go home? Seok-jin is probably dying to know if you’re okay.” He took her hand in his and led her down the sidewalk, making sure to hold her close to him.  
  
When they sat on the bus, he disregarded the looks sent their way when he sat the girl on his lap, wrapping his arms protectively around her waist. He could tell Saet-byul was still distraught over the entire thing, her whole body stiff and avoiding his touch. He frowned, not used to this behavior, and reached out to lift her chin, smiling wide for her. He poked her cheek a few times, finally eliciting a small giggle, and by the time they got home she seemed completely fine.  
  
Seok-jin, even though he tried his best to hide it, was relieved to see them home. But when Saet-byul saw him, she quickly hid behind his back.  
  
“What’s wrong with her?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“Leave her alone.”  
  
“Was she at school?” He nodded and Saet-byul’s fingers grabbed fistfuls of his jacket. “Yeah, she got there on her own, so she’s pretty tired right now.” He didn’t say anything else to Seok-jin as he led her up the stairs, keeping an arm around her shoulder. “Why don’t you take a nap? Sleep for a bit and when you wake up we can do homework.” When she agreed, he expected her to drag him with her, forcing him to hug her while she slept. So needless to say he was shocked when she let go of his hand and went to her room on her own, shutting the door quietly behind her. Even Seok-jin was surprised.  
  
“Wow hyung, she didn’t say a thing to you.”  
  
“I know.” He said worriedly. He made a move to follow her, though Seok-jin stopped him.  
  
“You should wait. It didn’t look like she wanted to be bothered.” He bit his lip, staring down the hallway, knowing this was really all his fault.  
  
“I should still check on her. She did all this because she wanted me to forgive her. I shouldn’t just leave her.” While Seok-jin didn’t look happy with his choice, he eventually let go of his arm and let him walk away. He sent his little brother a grateful glance before jogging to her room, pausing at the door when he heard stifled sobs coming from inside.  
  
He closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, before opening the door. Almost immediately the sobs stopped and the blanket shifted on the bed. Without a sound, he tiptoed over to her side, carefully climbing onto the bed. He gently wrapped his arms around her and brought her close to him; while she initially tried to resist his touch, she ended up quickly falling into it.  
  
It took him a minute to figure out what was where in the mass of blankets, but eventually he found her head. She peeked up at him with her big eyes, rimmed with red, and he pushed her clumpy hair from her eyes.  
  
“N…” she whimpered, though stopped when he cupped her head to his chest.  
  
“Shh…” he muttered, patting her back comfortingly, “I’m sorry Saet-byul, I’m sorry you had to deal with this all by yourself. I was wrong.”  
  
“It was my fault…” she whispered, nuzzling his neck with the crown of her head. “I was angry because you didn’t believe me. I was angry because you thought I was wrong.”  
  
He laughed out loud at that, laughing harder when she pulled away to glare at him. That was the original reason she was so angry? “Don’t laugh at me!”  
  
“Saet-byul, it’s not that I didn’t believe you. I saw her grabbing you. I was just trying to figure out what you could have done to make her act like that.”  
  
“I didn’t do anything! That girl was always angry at me, I don’t understand. She’s even angrier when I talk to Hyuk.”  
  
His ears perked up at the name, leaning closer until he could see the red tint on her cheeks. “Is this ‘Hyuk’ the boy from earlier?” At the hitch of her breath, he took it as a yes, grinning even wider. “He’s your friend?”  
  
“Y-yes…” she said uncertainly, as if the word was still foreign to her. “That’s what he called us.”  
  
“Does he treat you well?”  
  
“Yes, he always says hello to me in the morning and waits for you with me after class. Sometimes he even helps me with my homework.” He couldn’t help the urge to tease her, still snickering at her and laughing at her exasperated reactions. He’d always wanted to do this with Seok-jin.  
  
…though that would be impossible now.  
  
“It doesn’t matter!” she finally snapped, sitting up and lightly hitting his chest in frustration. “It doesn’t matter how nice he is to me, he’s not you.”  
  
The smirk fell from his lips as he sat up and looked at her seriously. “Hey, a guy is seriously interested in you. Don’t ignore him because of me. You should try and make friends at school.” He could see she wasn’t taking too well to that, and quickly added, “I can’t be in class with you, you know that. You should make some friends so you can have someone to talk to.” She pouted, but when he continued to insist, she finally nodded dejectedly.  
  
“But…you wouldn’t leave me right? You’ll always be with me.” He hesitated in answering, and could see her face fall. “Please don’t leave me N. Don’t leave me ever.” She buried her face back into his chest and he tentatively hugged her, all the while wishing that this wouldn’t last forever.  
  
  
  
  
“N, what’s an amusement park?” Both he and Seok-jin paused from eating to stare at the girl in surprise. She clocked their reactions and withdrew back from her childlike wonder, hunching in on herself. He quickly cleared his throat as he tried to fix the situation, wanting to encourage her to become more open.  
  
“Did you learn about it in school?”  
  
“No, I heard some girls in my class talking about it. They were very excited about it and were inviting people to go.”  
  
He leaned forward with a cheshire grin, “Did Hyuk invite you?”  
  
Her face turned bright red while Seok-jin sent him a quick look of confusion. “N-no! I-I mean, he did, but I told him no.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I didn’t want to go without you. I would rather go with you and Seok-jin, so I said no.”  
  
“You shouldn’t have said no, it would have been a lot of fun to go with him.” Having gotten over his initial surprise, he picked up his chopsticks to continue eating, thus signaling for the others to do the same. “Amusement parks are a lot of fun to go with friends, they’re a lot of rides and games you can play on.”  
  
“Have you ever gone before?” He paused again, poking at his food as he tried not to overreact to her question. He had to remind himself that Saet-byul, while he was bound to her and forced to always be by her side, was not at fault. He forced a smile on his face.  
  
“Of course I have. Though I’m not sure you would like it, there’s a lot of people and it’s very crowded.”  He could see her face scrunch up, and was ready to blow it off as another one of her rare bursts of curiosity, when she spoke up again.  
  
“Can we go?”  
  
Seok-jin did a spit-take as he sprayed the table with his water, coughing heavily as he stared at her in astonishment. “ _You_ want to go?”  
  
She nodded uncertainly, as if afraid she had said something wrong. “I want to try and go. Hyuk…he told me to go out more and try to get used to other people. So I want to try.”  
  
He frowned in an unconscious burst of jealousy, wondering why she ignored him when he tried to get her to open up but immediately listened to this ‘Hyuk’. What was so special about him? “Do you really want to go?” She nodded vigorously, and he sighed. “Well, if you really want to go, we’ll have to go before you mother comes back. There’s no way she’ll let you go.” That didn’t seem to bother her in the least, her face shining as she scooped the rest of her breakfast in her mouth.  
  
  
  
  
“How did we get here?” Seok-jin grumbled to him as Saet-byul walked in front of them, marveling the tall park rides. She never went far, only walking a few steps ahead before scaring herself and running back into his arms. He glanced over to his brother, just shaking his head.  
  
“Just be glad you have the chance to be here. We might not get to do this again.” Seok-jin’s face darkened at that, right before he grabbed Saet-byul’s shoulder and yanked her back into his arms, glaring.  
  
“Don’t walk so far ahead,” he snapped at the frightened girl, “you’ll get lost.”  Both he and Saet-byul watched in silent shock as Seok-jin stalked ahead, confused over his uncharacteristic concern. When Seok-jin was out of earshot, he leaned over and gave her a few more comforting words to calm her down, and only after checking that she was really okay did the two of them follow his younger brother.  
  
They started off with only the smallest, slowest rides, Saet-byul too scared to try the roller coasters or the speed rides. He wouldn’t lie that he had no problems getting on rides with all the little kids with her, enjoying every second of it. It made it even better when Seok-jin scowled every time the two of them waved at him on the rides. Before all of this, he loved amusement parks, and would come all the time either alone or with friends. Coming here, for just a day he was able to forget everything about dolls and the horrid woman who entrapped him.  
  
“Try this Saet-byul,” he said with a chuckle at her wide-eyed confusion at the cotton candy in his hand. He ripped a piece off and, now laughing, shoved it in her mouth. She squealed, both hands flying to her mouth, but paused when the candy melted away on her tongue. She blinked a few times before looking at him, and he laughed as he gave her another piece, this time her eating it willingly. “Is it good?” She nodded happily as she ate the rest of it. He offered a piece to Seok-jin, though his brother only grabbed the piece out of his hand and shoved it back in his mouth. He could only laugh with a stuffed mouth as his brother stalked away.  
  
“What’s that ride?” Saet-byul asked, tugging on his sleeve.  
  
“That’s the ferris wheel. You sit in those boxes and it goes around in circles, so you can see the whole park at the top.”  
  
“Can I ride?”  
  
“It’s been snowing stupid,” Seok-jin snapped irritably from her side, shivering. “Half the rides here are closed.”  
  
He slapped his brother lightly before sending her a bright smile. “I don’t know if you can, it probably has been closed because of the snow. But the snow today is pretty okay, they might let you.” She brightened at that, tugging on his hand to get him to go faster, when he felt his whole body freeze. He felt a jolt run through his body as all the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, the feeling of Saet-byul pulling on his arm vanishing.  
  
She eventually noticed something was wrong, pausing. “N? What’s wrong?”  
  
Something was wrong, something was definitely wrong. He was suddenly overcome with indescribable fear, his body shaking and his heart racing. He knew rationally that nothing was wrong, what could be wrong in an amusement park, but the fear inside only continued to grow. He vaguely could see Seok-jin walk back up, saying something, but he couldn’t register any sounds save for one voice. One very recognizable voice. He had to get out of here.  
  
“N-”  
  
His body reacted on its own, he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. All he knew was that he swiftly gathered Saet-byul in his arms, lifting her up and shoving her tight to his chest, and running. He had to get out of there, that’s all he knew. That voice, he had to get away from that voice.  
  
“Hyung! Hyung, where are you going?”  
  
He didn’t even have a chance to stop and answer his brother, running for a little while longer until he took a sudden turn and hid behind the bathrooms. It was only after he heard the voice pass by that he deemed it safe, dropping Saet-byul and sliding to the ground. The two of them were panting by then, him from running and her from lack of oxygen. Seok-jin was not far behind, too worried to glare at him.  
  
“What was that hyung? You looked scared.”  
  
“I don’t know…” he muttered, raising a tired hand to push a panting Saet-byul’s hair from her face to check if she was alright. “I got so scared all of a sudden…I heard somebody and felt like I had to get out of there…”  
  
Seok-jin’s brow furrowed as he went to the other side of the wall, peeking out to watch the people passing by. “Did you happen to see one of your friends?”  
  
“How did you know?”  
  
His brother turned back to look at them, a surprisingly forlorn look on his face. “You didn’t know, did you? It’s the doll’s failsafe.”  
  
“The doll’s what?”  
  
“That bitch gave you a new name didn’t she? The doll gives you a new life; it will do anything to keep you away from your old one.”  
  
“So are you saying I can’t meet any of my old friends? Not even for a minute?”  
  
He shook his head. “Any time you see them, you’ll immediately run away even if you don’t want to.” His brother came back to his side and sat down, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Try to look at it the best you can; you may not be able to see them again, but at least they won’t have to see what you’ve become. What we’ve become.”  
  
He choked out a laugh at his brother’s attempt at a laugh before falling against the wall, running a hand through his hair. That voice….that voice was the voice of his childhood friend, the guy that he had grown up with since elementary school. He wanted more than anything to jump out from his hiding place and give him a hug, holding him close and letting him know he was alive. He could go and tell his mother he was okay to stop her from worrying, he could do so much for them. And yet, his body shook and trembled at even the thought of moving.  
  
Saet-byul finally spoke, putting a tentative hand on his. “Are you okay N?”  
  
“I…I’ll be alright. Just give me a minute.” He lowered his head into his knees to compose himself. “Do…do you think that means we can never see Mom again?” That revelation seemed to hit the two of them at the same time, and he felt his whole world crumble.  
  
He…his mother…he could never see her again?  
  
He didn’t realize he was crying until he felt a small pair of arms wrap around his head, and he blinked to realize Saet-byul comforting him. She mimicked the way he held her, standing up to place her chin on the top of his head and her small fingers patting the back of his shoulder. “Don’t cry,” she said soothingly, “everything will be okay.”  
  
“H-hey, that’s not only his Mom,” Seok-jin grumbled, and after a few more seconds she pulled away and hugged Seok-jin the same way. He looked over to see his brother’s cheeks reddening as she laid her head on his. He couldn’t resist as he reached over and pinched his cheeks, gushing over how cute he was. “S-stop it!” He and Saet-byul laughed as his brother furiously rubbed his cheeks as if to wipe his germs away, laughing harder when he tried glaring at them again.  
  
At least he had Seok-jin with him.  
  
He would’ve died if he wasn’t able to see his baby brother again.  
  
  
  
  
Nothing else happened after the incident in the amusement park, and without doing anything else out of the ordinary, Saet-byul’s mother came back a few days later. He and Saet-byul pleaded with all their might, but it was not enough to convince the delusional woman, and against their will Seok-jin was sent back down into the basement. It was both a blessing and a curse; he treasured every minute he was able to spend with his baby brother, but it absolutely tore him apart whenever he was sent back down. He wished there was a way he could keep him upstairs.  
  
They went back to going to school with burnt food for breakfast, each morning a delicate affair of whether or not her mother was in a good mood or not. Saet-byul, thank goodness, grew more and more comfortable leaving the house for school. While he wanted to credit himself for her change, since she would never leave unless with him, he had an idea that the boy ‘Hyuk’ was a pretty good reason why. Whenever he would tutor her, he would notice little notes he would write to her, and soon he could see little notes she would write back.  
  
It was strange seeing her so open with someone other than him.  
  
He wasn’t sure if he liked it.  
  
What if this guy turned out to be an ass and hurt her?  
  
He wasn’t able to tell what kind of person he was based on the few times he’d met him, but he could only hope that he was a decent guy. If she ever came home crying because of him, he would make sure the boy would never be able to walk again.  
  
But a month or two after the day at the park, Saet-byul’s mother began to take Saet-byul to her room and lock the two of them in, forbidding him from coming anywhere close. He really didn’t care what they were doing, though he felt a slight sting when Saet-byul didn’t even try and fight to let him stay with her. It was the first time she willingly did anything on her own, and a small part of him wondered what would happen if she became comfortable enough to not need him. What would happen to him then?


	9. Chapter 9

Truthfully, she wanted to bring N in with her on the days her mother started their ‘lessons’; she was at a point now where she would panic if he wasn’t by her side. But her mother had specifically ordered her not to let him come nor let him know what they were doing. Though she didn’t have to worry about that; she never wanted him to know what they were doing.  
  
She was teaching her how to make dolls.  
  
From what her mother had showed her beforehand, making the doll itself wasn’t the hard part; that only needed some cloth stitched together to form a doll. She had watched her mother for years making the dolls themselves. But it was the way to make the connection between the human and the doll to make them one that was difficult. She never wanted to make dolls like her mother did, but she couldn’t hide the fact that it was interesting to her, the idea of turning people into dolls. Her only experience had been N; he was someone that more than likely would never have even looked at her outside. But because of the dolls, he loved and protected her, and would always be there for her. It was enough that she willingly spent time with her mother without N to learn. She wanted to learn the secrets of the dolls.  
  
However, since their lessons ran right after she got home from school, she could tell N was getting lonely. Seok-jin hadn’t been allowed upstairs since the time they’d snuck to the amusement park together, so N was all by himself for hours, and the only time they talked was during their later tutoring. She could tell that while he said he didn’t care, he really wanted to know what they were doing. It hurt her to keep things from him like this, but she didn’t want him getting angry at her. She didn’t like it when he was angry.  
  
She peeked her head in her bedroom to see him reading a book while lying on her bed, his back propped up with her pillow. Watching him sit silently, she suddenly felt so happy that this man was her doll. She loved him a lot; she loved him more than anyone else in the world, maybe even her mother. Without saying a word, she creaked the door open and ran into his arms, not giving him a chance to react before jumping in his lap.  
  
“S-Saet-”  
  
“Good morning!” She shouted with a smile, staring up at him while pressing herself tight to his chest. He laughed, she loved his laugh, as he ruffled her hair, placing the book by his side.  
  
“It’s night time, Byullie,” he said as he squished her cheeks, though she only let him because she was caught off-guard by his nickname. She’d never had a nickname before; barely even had a name let alone a nickname. But she liked it when N did it, she liked anything he did. “Did you finish with your mother?”  
  
“Mm!” she chirped, twisting around so she could sit in his lap. “I missed your hugs so I came here right away.”  
  
He sighed dramatically as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, rocking her back in forth. She loved when he did that. “What would you do if I stopped hugging you? You’d probably keel over.” They were silent for a while before he spoke again, putting his chin on top of her head. “My mother used to do this for me when I was little.”  
  
She pursed her lips, afraid that anything she did would stop him from talking. He never talked about his life before coming here; the only thing he talked about was Seok-jin.  
  
“She told Seok-jin something she shouldn’t have, and ever since then he’s never been the same. It hurt me a lot when he changed, so she would hug and rock me like this.” His arms around her tightened and she tentatively put her hands on his. “I know your mother doesn’t hug you…so if you ever need a hug, I’ll be here to hug you.”  
  
“I’ll only hug you.”  
  
“Are you sure about that?” he asked, his voice suddenly taking a playful tone. “Aren’t you going to hug Hyukkie?”  
  
She flew out of his arms as she covered her flaming cheeks, N laughing at her reaction. “What’s with that reaction? Don’t tell me you’ve already hugged him! And you told me you’ll only hug me!”  
  
“I didn’t hug him!” she shouted, knowing he was only joking but still wanting to defend herself. “I wouldn’t hug him!”  
  
“Really? You’ve been writing some pretty chummy notes with him in your book.” Her cheeks flushed red again; he’s been reading their notes? He was never supposed to read those. “I bet he’s been wanting to hug you, it sounds like he really likes you. You should hug him.”  
  
“I told you I’ll only hug you! I won’t hug him.”  
  
“Are you sure? Look at those red cheeks!” He reached out and pinched her cheeks, shaking her face playfully all the while laughing. “Sounds like somebody’s embarrassed! I think I might have to stay extra one of these days so I can meet this ‘Hyuk’ properly. I’ve got to make sure he’s good enough for my Byullie.”  
  
“No!” she whined, though she ended up giving up fighting him, letting him enjoy teasing her and grabbing her face. It wasn’t often N opened up like this and played around; whenever her mother was around he was always so quiet and angry, nothing like the playful and cheerful N she grew used to. Seok-jin had told her that before coming here, N had always been like this, loud and happy to the point it made everyone angry. He had been naggy and overbearing, which was half the reason Seok-jin was always annoyed with him.  
  
She didn’t believe him at first, though as she and N grew closer, she noticed that he began to smile a lot more with her. He would laugh more and joke more, overall growing happier. She liked it this way, hated seeing him angry or frustrated. So while she didn’t like his teasing, she would let him do it all day long if it made him happy.  
  
“I’m pretty good at seeing if someone is good or not. I can tell if this guy is good for you. Don’t worry, just trust me!”  
  
“N-”  
  
“And if I think he’s good enough for you, I’ll let him kiss you!”  
  
“But you said kisses are supposed to be private!”  
  
“It will be private! I just have to be there to make sure he only kisses. Hormonal boys shouldn’t be- wait, does that mean you want to kiss him?”  
  
“No!”  
  
“Well, now I have to be super careful! If my Byullie wants to kiss someone, I have to be really certain he’s good for you. Not just anybody is allowed to kiss you.”  
  
“Then why can’t I kiss you?” His laughter cut off as he turned solemn eyes on her, and his fingers slipped away from her cheeks before putting them on her shoulders.  
  
“Saet-byul,” he said softly, and she didn’t like his change of mood. She wanted him to keep laughing and being happy. “I already told you. You can’t kiss me.”  
  
“But why?”  
  
“For one, I’m a lot older than you. You’re too young.” She thought about it; he was…six years older than her. That wasn’t too bad, was it? He didn’t let her think too long, adding, “And two, our relationship is different than yours with Hyuk. Hyuk is someone you’ve met on your own, a relationship you’re making on your own. I…I’m your doll. Even if I do love you the way you want, the fact that I’m your doll will always be there.”  
  
“So…I can’t kiss you because you’re my doll?” He nodded, and she collapsed in his arms, deflated. It wasn’t fair that she wasn’t allowed to kiss her doll; she loved him just like he said you had to. She guessed there was a hidden rule that stopped her from kissing N. “That’s not fair.”  
  
“It’s actually a good thing,” he said, squishing her cheeks again in an attempt to cheer her up. She glared at him and he laughed. “I wouldn’t want to kiss you. To me, you’re like a little sister. But if it makes you feel better,” he leaned forward and placed his lips on her forehead, “then that’s for you.”  
  
It made her feel a lot better.


	10. interlude

He was thankful his brother was never allowed down here, this place would break a happy soul like him so easily. It was so dark here. He could barely see his hand in front of him, let alone across his cell. Some days, she would forget to turn off the lantern, and that would allow him to see his prison clearly.

From first glance, the room didn’t look very big; there was only a tiny lamp dangling from the ceiling and a small table underneath. A broken chair stood a ways away, and she would sometimes sit there to just watch them. That was the most unnerving. But the room was actually much bigger than that; circling the small table were multiple cells, some barred, some behind glass. Each cell was different, some were furnished, and some weren’t. He was lucky. He had a couch in his.

A lot of the men here were here a lot longer than he was; the guy next to him said he’d been there for nearly twenty years. He counted. They all told him how lucky he was; save for the fact being trapped down here, he was getting the best treatment. Not only was he allowed to go upstairs sometimes, but when down here, he was only locked in the cell. She never did anything to him. Some of the things she’d done to these people were too much for him to bear.

When she was feeling particularly angry, she would pierce metal rings through their skin and hang them up with rope. Some of them she would cut the dolls with a knife, subsequently ripping through their skin. These cuts would never heal unless the doll was stitched, and sometimes she would feel bad and would stitch it up. Sometimes she wouldn’t. These wounds she would just stitch up their skin, and those stitchings would never be taken out. Some had permanent broken bones, some gone blind. One didn’t have an ear.

He was always afraid she would do something similar to him, but they would reassure him she wouldn’t. She was bringing him up to entertain her daughter; she wouldn’t maim him if her daughter was attached to him.

But then…then Hak-yeon appeared. He’d always hated his older brother, hated that he never seemed to be sympathetic when their mother had all but told him he wasn’t her real son. He hated that when he was suffering, his brother was still so happy and joking around. He hated that his brother always followed him around, embarrassing him in front of his gang members by pulling him away before fights. He hated everything about his brother. But as much as he hated his brother, he felt a wave of panic and regret when his brother showed up…all because he’d tried to pull him out of the mess he’d gotten himself into.

It was his fault his happy, carefree brother was trapped here. He’d told the guys about Hak-yeon when he’d come back down, how Hak-yeon strangely wasn’t brought down here. He was stuck upstairs, forever entertaining her daughter. He originally thought he was lucky, not having to be brought down here and tortured, never having to see the things he saw.

But the guys said Hak-yeon had it the worst, they would rather be down here and tortured than be where he was. Chun-pyeo, one of the dolls, had said Hak-yeon was a different doll than the rest of them. What he and the others were, they were only attached to the dolls. Hak-yeon…he was attached to more than the doll, he was attached to Saet-byul. It wasn’t just his blood on the doll, hers was there too.

For the rest of them, they would only follow the doll, feeling the doll’s pain but never really dying. Just pain. But Hak-yeon…he would slowly lose the ability to have relationships with others, with anyone. Even him. Eventually Saet-byul would be the only one he would think of, would live for. Without her, he would become emotionless and stiff, a true doll, and the only way to end it all would be to kill him.

He grew more desperate to see Hak-yeon after that, and was grateful the day she pulled him up to stay with the two while she was gone. Whenever he wasn’t looking, he would stare so sadly at his brother, knowing what was going to happen but unable to tell him. How could he say something like that? He watched as he and Saet-byul became closer, neither knowing what was going to happen.

He had been hopeful when Saet-byul had punished Hak-yeon for something ridiculous, hoping it would wake his brother up and save him. He kept his brother from going out to her, keeping him in the room and hiding away. But he could see it, the unwavering loyalty he had for that girl, running out to Seoul just to find her. He couldn’t hate Saet-byul though, she was just so ignorant. She didn’t know anything.

He might not have treated his older brother well before, but now it was his turn to take care of his brother. He would try his damndest to keep him from becoming a doll, from becoming a living vegetable.

He will protect Hak-yeon.


	11. Chapter 11

“Saet-byul ah, this boy here will be your new tutor.” She quickly hid behind N’s back as she peeked out at the boy standing beside her teacher, wary of his smile. N held his arm out to protect her, frowning.

“Why does she need a tutor? She’s doing her homework fine.”

She inwardly cheered when the teacher squirmed under N’s hard glare, uncomfortable when she was pinned as the bad guy. “Her homework is fine, but her test grades are poor. She’s not retaining the information she’s learning, and it’s becoming a problem. We understand her background, which is why we’re giving her a tutor.”

“She doesn’t need a tutor. If it’s tests, I can help her-”

“Please Woo-jin,” she said, and she was surprised her teacher knew N’s real name, “we want to help her too. You can continue to help her with her homework, but let her try the tutoring out. Many students have succeeded with this.” She could see N open his mouth to retort, and she had to pull his hand hard to get him to look at her. He understood the look she gave him right away, and frowned concernedly.

“Are you sure?” She nodded determinedly, and he sighed sadly before looking back at her teacher. “She’ll do it.”

“Wonderful!” She turned to the boy again, smiling as she put an hand on his arm reassuringly. “Introduce yourself.”

Still smiling, the boy bowed to both of them. “Hello, my name is Kim Won-shik.”

“He’s a year ahead of you, so he’s learned all of this before. He’ll be able to help you prepare for your tests.” He turned his big smile to her and she quickly ducked behind N again, not yet ready to deal with him. N noticed and put a hand on her head.

“Do you want me to sit with you for today?”

She glanced up at him, knowing inside she was bursting to say ‘yes’, but knew better than to force him to sit in a tutoring session that she agreed to herself. So, puffing her cheeks to hide her quivering chin, she shook her head, assuring both him and herself that she could handle being with him alone. N didn’t look happy, but he couldn’t say anything when she gave her consent. So he only gave her a small hug, glaring over her head at the boy. “If you don’t do your job-”

“Everything will be fine,” her teacher reassured, her voice getting harder. She could tell her teacher was getting annoyed, it was the same tone her mother used. “You should get going; classes are starting in about twenty minutes.”

After N reluctantly left her side, her teacher gave a heavy sigh of relief as she pat the boy on the back. “I told you her brother would be the hardest to get through. He can be pretty scary.”

The boy snickered, pointing his thumb in the direction N left. “He didn’t seem too bad. Though I’m surprised how much he looked like he wanted to rip my head off.” She frowned disapprovingly at the two of them, not liking them talking about N behind his back, though they only giggled at her. “I’ll meet you here after classes are over,” the boy said, waving at her as he started walking away. “See you then!” She half-heartedly waved back, already dreading seeing him.

Hyuk was not happy that she had gotten a tutor from the smiling boy. “I could have tutored you!” he said sadly, pointing at himself.

“I’m sorry.”

“And why did you have to have Kim Won-shik as your tutor? That’s the worst!” She merely blinked at him and he quickly hit his mouth. “Sorry, you don’t know do you? Won-shik is super smart and good at sports, so a lot of teachers like him. But really he’s not nice at all, he’s arrogant and mean. You should be careful.”

“What…what will he do to me?”

“I don’t know, he’s never tutored before. He might not do anything to you, but then he might.”

“What should I do? I told N he didn’t need to come…”

“That’s okay, I’ll stay behind. If anything happens just call me, okay?” She looked into his bright eyes, his determined face showing he wasn’t lying. She smiled appreciatively.

 

“Hello,” the boy greeted her with his smile again as she peeked from around the door, sitting in a small room with only one table. He motioned for her to sit in the chair across from him and, very slowly, she made her way over and sat down. They sat awkwardly together for a few seconds before he coughed into his fist, glancing at her. “You should get your books out.”

She hurried as she pulled all her books out of her bag and stacked them on the desk, watching with bated breath as he started to go through them. He noticed her staring at him after a while, she jumped when he set her books aside and leaned his elbows on the table, chin in his hands. “What are you looking at?” She didn’t answer and he scoffed, looking away a second before smirking. “Oh right, you don’t talk do you?”

He grabbed her pencil and twirled it in his fingers, and she distractingly wondered how he could do that. “I heard you’re pretty stupid, you’ve never gone to school before this, right?” She didn’t answer him, her fingers ticking nervously at his tone. She didn’t like this; the way he spoke was different from Seok-jin’s mean tone. “Start by telling me what you can and can’t do.”

She still didn’t answer, and she could see him growing annoyed as he groaned loudly, leaning over and pulling something out of his pocket. It looked like the phone that Hyuk had showed her, and he clicked on it instead of looking at her. She stared at him, and he knew it, laughing. “We’re not doing anything until you say something. And don’t think you’ll be able to get away, you can’t go home until you’ve done at least one assignment.”

Her mouth fell open and he laughed again, putting the phone down. “See? It won’t do you any good just sitting there pouting. Let’s just finish this as soon as possible.”

She still refused to answer this boy that made her uncomfortable, though knew she had to do something so she could go home. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck here, away from N, longer than necessary. She pulled out her notebook and opened it to the current lesson, pointing at the circled numbers for homework. The boy rolled his eyes as he slammed the book shut. “I want you to talk,” he demanded.

She shook her head.

“I know you can talk, I heard you talking with your brother. I can’t help you unless you tell me what you’re struggling with.”

She shook her head.

“Then we’ll just sit here forever.” He picked his phone back up and went back to clicking, leaving her sitting alone. For a split second, she wondered what would happen if this boy was to become a doll, reveling at the look of fear in his eyes. Her fingers twitched excitedly at the idea, though she covered her face quickly in horror, horrified she would think of something like that. “What, are you crying?” She peeked through her fingers and he scoffed again. “You’re crying?”

“I’m not crying…” she whispered, and he immediately put his phone down, leaning in.

“That’s more like it. Now if you can keep talking like that, we can finish and you can go home.” He pulled her math book from the stack, and flipped through the pages. “Now, what do you know for this?”

“I can add.” He froze, staring at her and she fidgeted. “I can subtract too.”

“That’s it?”

“Multiply and divide too.” He still looked at her in disbelief, and he ran a hand through his hair as he blew out tiredly.

“So…you know pretty much nothing.” She pursed her lips, unhappy with how that sounded, but didn’t say anything else. He opened to the first page, a page she already had gone over with N. He ran his eyes over the sheet, poking it with the pencil. “We’ll just look at math today, then. I don’t want to sit here all night.”

The boy drilled her like N never had, making her head hurt from how many times he had to repeat the same thing. It wasn’t that she wasn’t listening, which is what the boy clearly thought, but that each time he showed a new problem, something changed. She just couldn’t understand that change. But she could say that by the end of their session, she was able to easily multiply and divide fractions, something she begrudgingly knew would never happen with just N’s help.

As she packed her books away, the boy stood up, pocketing his phone. “Hey,” he called out, “don’t tell anyone that I’m your tutor.”

Her stomach twisted, knowing she already told Hyuk. “W-why?”

“I don’t want anyone to know I’m tutoring a first year. It’ll ruin my reputation, especially with a girl as dumb as you.” She didn’t understand everything he said, but she did understand that he was embarrassed of her. He walked around her and opened the door, nearly jumping out of his skin at the sight of N in the doorway. N looked livid, and when he took a step in, the boy stumbled backwards.

“Get your things,” N ordered to her, and she wasted no time grabbing her things and shoving it in her bag. She ran behind him and held his hand, trying to lead him out before he could do anything. She didn’t want him getting in trouble. N never looked away from the boy until she was able to drag him out of the room. When they were far enough away, he turned to her and cupped her face in his hands, examining her. “Did he hurt you?”

She shook her head and he sighed with relief. “Good. I’m going to tell your teacher to cancel the tutoring. I won’t make you go back to that.”

“Don’t do that,” she said, and he sent her an exasperated look. “Even if he was mean, he was still helpful. And if I do this, I won’t have to bother you so much later.”

“You’re not bothering me,” he said softly, brushing her hair from her face lovingly. She still shook her head, and she could see he was still confused, though she wouldn’t let that change her mind. She just held his hand and hoped that he would understand.

 

“Look who I have!” Both her and N’s head shot up at her mother’s excited shout, looking at each other confusedly before turning to her standing at the door. Her mother was strangely happy, a large, wide grin on her lips and her cheeks red from excitement. Both their eyes trailed from her face to her hands, one hand still out the door. Her face turned sour when neither reacted the way she wanted, huffing as she yanked what was surprisingly another human inside. “See?”

N jumped when the man stumbled in, his hands tied loosely with rope and his eyes blindfolded; that’s right, N wasn’t used to her mother bringing home dolls. With a swift movement, her mother pulled the blindfold off, watching impatiently as he let his eyes adjust and locking on the two of them. They widened at the sight of N.

“Y-you! Cha-” His voice cut off when her mother silenced the doll, and he could only watch helplessly with tears in his eyes.

“We don’t need you blubbering here,” she snapped, slapping the back of his head. “I just wanted to introduce you to my family here before you went down. Say hello you two.” They both managed a small wave, still not entirely sure who this man was. It was strange though, her mother never introduced her new dolls. She would bring them in and go straight to the basement. Was she supposed to know who this is?

The man’s eyes never left N the entire time, and her mother noticed, her smile widening even more. “Do you recognize him? You were looking for him all this time, weren’t you? Slaving away…and look where that’s gotten you?”

N, still confused, glanced at her again and she could only shake her head. “Who is that?” he asked.

Her mother’s smile vanished as she glared at him, not wanting either of them to speak. She must have been extremely excited about her new doll though, she went back to smiling as she stroked his bearded face. “This is that lovely police officer who interrupted our dinner that one time looking for N. He’s been following me all this time, and it was getting really annoying. So now he’s our new friend.”

N’s face paled, the pencil in his hand falling to the table.

“What are you two doing right now?”

“We’re doing homework,” she interjected quietly, seeing N wasn’t ready to say anything.

“Look at those two,” she hissed, leaning so close to the man’s face he squeezed his eyes shut in fear. “You were trying to rip them apart because of your selfish, greedy need for justice. But look at them, they’re so happy together.” She ran a finger down his cheek, chuckling as she watched him gulp nervously.

“N,” she called out, never looking away from the cowering man, “is there anything you’d like to say to this man before he disappears?”

She reached her hand under the table and took his hand in hers, watching him tremble and near tears. She knew how much N missed his mother and wanted to be free; she couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him right now. Her mother was cruel for doing this to him. “I-is…is my mother doing okay?”

Her mother took the man’s doll out and wiped a finger across the mouth, the man then gasping for air as if he’d been holding his breath all this time. “Answer him.”

“She…she’s holding you and Kim Seok-jin’s funeral tomorrow.” Her head snapped to see N collapse in his chair, the look of devastation on his face nearly making her cry. Scrambling, she scooted her chair next to his, reaching over and pulling his head into her chest. She whispered soothing words into his ears, making sure to hide his face from her mother and the man. She knew her mother made the man say that to hurt N. “I’m so sorry.”

“That’s enough out of you.” Her mother grabbed the ropes around his wrists and dragged him to the basement door. “I’ll be up later. Finish your homework and go to bed.” Her mother fumbled with the lock momentarily before dragging her new doll downstairs, the silence following their departure suffocating.

N pushed her away as he sat up, turning his head away so she wouldn’t have to see him wipe his tears. Frustratingly, she forced him to look at her, kneeling on her chair so she could wipe his tears with her thumbs. “Don’t cry,” she said lamely, wishing she was able to comfort him like he always did for her.

“Saet-byul,” he said softly, grabbing her hands, “let’s finish quickly. I’m tired.” Even though she didn’t want to, she kept her mouth shut as she silently let him finish her homework.

They finished hurriedly, N didn’t really check her homework, too upset over the man’s words, and climbed into bed. She usually loved when they lay under the blankets together, burrowing her face into his chest while he patted her head. But this time, he was so stiff and silent, his hands tiredly hanging over her and cold. She looked up at him, into his sad eyes, and frowned. “N…”

“She already thinks I’m dead…”

“N-”

“If anybody, I’d hoped she would be the one to wait for us. But she’s the one who thinks I’m dead. What do I tell Seok-jinnie?”

“Don’t tell Seok-jin.” She didn’t want Seok-jin sad too, just seeing N like this was enough to make her sad.

“How can I not? Our mother is going to bury us so quickly. She’s given up on us. My mom…she….she’s….”

“N!” He clamped his mouth shut as she exasperatingly pushed herself off his chest and sat up, huffing. “I think there’s a way you can go back to your mother.”

“Really?” He shot up wide-eyed, grabbing her arms and staring at her in such a way she shuddered. “I…I can go back? How? But –but didn’t Seok-jin say I couldn’t see her again?”

“I don’t know if it’ll work or not, I’m only guessing. She’s only taught me how to put a doll together, I don’t know if you can take it apart.”

“She taught you? Wait, your mom’s been teaching you how to make dolls?” The accusation was clear in his voice, and she didn’t like the way he looked at her. She hadn’t wanted to tell him about her mother’s teachings, knowing he would disapprove. But she would do anything to see him happy and smiling, and if that meant letting him know, she would do it in a heartbeat. “Saet-byul-”

“I haven’t made anything yet, she’s only showing me how to do it. She’s shown me enough to show how to attach the people to the doll. It’s the blood and hair, remember?” She could see him purse his lips, his face contorted, and knew he remembered. It was hard not to forget that night, the night their fates had been connected by the stitchings of a doll. She leaned in, almost as if she was afraid her mother would burst in and beat her, “If we take the doll apart, it shouldn’t work anymore.”

“Are you sure?” he asked uncertainly, “That sounds too easy.”

“But why wouldn’t it work? When Mommy makes the doll, she puts the doll together, puts the person’s blood on it and then stitches the hair on. If we take off the blood and hair, it shouldn’t work anymore.”

“I don’t know…that would mean that anyone could make a doll like that. There would be dolls all over the place. There’s got to be something extra that she does. You can’t make dolls like this easily.”

“I’m telling you, that’s all she’s shown me. I promise! We could try it on Seok-jin, and if it works-”

“You want to use Seok-jin?” he asked harshly, his voice so hard and angry she immediately shut up. “You want to use Seok-jin for something you don’t know will work or not?” She didn’t say anything as he yelled at her, not wanting to tell him that he was the last one she wanted to do anything on. She wanted to help Seok-jin because it would make N happy; she didn’t want to help free him because she wanted him to be with her forever. But she knew that would make N angry, so she kept it to herself.

“But I want to help Seok-jin go home-”

“If you’re going to use someone, use me. Don’t touch Seok-jin unless we know it works.” She stared at him helplessly as she tried to find a reason to not use him, unable to find a convincing one. So she just laid back down with her back to him, tears flooding her eyes as she decided she wasn’t going to do it. She didn’t want to lose N. “Saet-byul-” She pulled the covers over her head, ignoring his exasperated sigh as he laid down with his back to her.

She didn’t want to hear him tell her to use him again.


	12. Chapter 12

How could she offer up Seok-jin like that? She had thrown so many bombs at him at once, telling him her mother was teaching her how to make dolls, she could take the dolls apart, she wanted to use Seok-jin to experiment; he wouldn’t let her do that last one. He was thankful that she even offered to try and free them, hell that had been something he’d been dreaming of since the first day. But it would be over his dead body that he would allow her to use Seok-jinnie.  
  
When they woke up the next morning, her mother was still in the basement, and he wondered just what she was doing with that new doll that she stayed there the whole night. He still wasn’t sure how to deal with her new doll, the fact that she was even able to get the cop who was trying to save him frightening. He had seen how terrified the cop had been when she leaned in and whispered in his ear, speaking so sweetly to him while she held his life in her hands. He knew the feeling, the feeling of helplessness and fear, and knew how frightening it could be. It was something he still felt to this day.  
  
It wasn’t until well in the afternoon that her mother emerged from the basement, her cheeks still bright red and her hair a mess. He subconsciously wrinkled his nose at the sight, knowing exactly what had been going on. It was sickening, and he could only pray Seok-jin didn’t have to see it. Saet-byul was sitting next to him when the woman came out, and he glanced over to see her staring innocently at her mother. She had no idea what her mother had been doing, and he hoped she didn’t ask him.  
  
At the sight of the two of them sitting silently on the floor, she coughed nervously and fixed her hair. “What are you two doing?” He didn’t say anything, the anger inside him threatening to bubble over, when a small voice came out from next to him.  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
Her mother seemed to be just as surprised when she spoke, though she hid it better than he did. “If you’re doing nothing, then come with me. We can continue your lessons.”  
  
His fists tightened as he tried not to show how disgusted he was when Saet-byul hurriedly scrambled to her feet, following after her mother. He had been fooling himself; no matter how innocent and sweet Saet-byul acted, she was that woman’s only daughter. It was only natural she would teach her how to make dolls, and one day it would be little Saet-byul who would be bringing men home. Saet-byul glanced back at him and bit her lip before stopping. Her mother frowned.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
“I don’t want to leave N alone,” she said softly, glancing at him again. “C-could you bring S-S-Seok-jinnie up so he could play with him?” He blinked in surprise at her request; he knew how afraid she was of her mother.  
  
Her mother’s eyes darkened and Saet-byul cowered under her gaze, though after a few long, agonizing seconds, she finally shrugged her shoulders. “Go and wait in my room. I’ll be there in a couple minutes.” They watched in muted surprise as she actually went over to the basement door, unlocked it, and headed downstairs. He wasn’t given any time to marvel it however, Saet-byul nearly jumped into his lap as she latched onto his arm.  
  
“Saet-byul-”  
  
“I’m sorry,” she said hurriedly, her fingers on his arm digging into his skin. “I know you don’t like me learning, I’m really sorry.” He opened his mouth to cut off her apologies, though she continued to barrel through without looking at him. “But Mommy will be angry if I tell her no. I have to go. So have fun and play with Seok-jin, okay? I’ll try and take a long time so you can play for a long time.”  
  
He finally pried her hand from his mouth when they heard someone coming up the stairs, both of them panicking. “Bye N,” she said, crawling out of his lap, “I’ll see you later, okay?” She waved with a forced smile before running out of the room, only seconds before her mother opened the basement door.  
  
He jumped to his feet when he saw Seok-jin stumble his way out of the door, his eyes blindfolded like always. He caught his brother and pulled the blindfold off, cradling his head and glaring daggers at the woman who only scoffed as she locked the door. “Oh please, don’t give me those angry eyes. You’re in no position to complain when my daughter is the one that got you your playmate in the first place.” He was about to say something in retort when Seok-jin grabbed his arm, stopping him. “Food’s in the fridge; eat whenever you’re hungry. If you dare eat everything I’ll skin you alive.”  
  
They both waited until she closed the door to her bedroom before Seok-jin let out a heavy breath, nearly collapsing in his arms. “Seok-jin-”  
  
“I’m fine hyung, god. You don’t need to be holding me like a baby.”  
  
He looked into his brother’s tired, bagged eyes and felt his stomach clench, wondering if he got any sleep last night. Probably not, not with what was going on with that new doll. “Are you hungry?” As if in response, his brother’s stomach rumbled, his cheeks tinting red. “Here, sit here. Hyung will make you lunch.”  
  
Seok-jin weakly protested to his manhandling, though in the end silently sat down at the table. He made sure to continuously check on him while he warmed some of the food, cursing the woman for not being a better cook. When he finished, he placed the few bowls in front of him, handing him a pair of chopsticks. “Sorry there’s nothing better. That woman is a horrible cook.”  
  
“Yeah, well, it’s not any better than what I’ve been getting.”  
  
His face flushed guiltily, “I didn’t mean-”  
  
“It doesn’t matter.” He watched his brother messily shovel the rice and kimchi into his mouth, wondering sadly what he could be eating that this would seem delicious. He suddenly coughed, grabbing his throat and making a gesture for a drink. His eyes widened as he jumped to his feet, running to the fridge to grab him some water.  
  
“Sorry, I forgot. Here you go.” He carefully placed the glass in his brother’s hand, waiting until he downed the whole glass before sitting back down. “Are you really that hungry?”  
  
“She didn’t feed us last night. Of course I’m hungry.”  
  
“Was she…did she really do it with that guy?”  
  
“What? No, I don’t think that bitch’s capable of having sex.” He wrinkled his nose at the crude language.  
  
“Then what was she doing all night?”  
  
“Think of it like an initiation. Every new doll goes through it, and no, I didn’t. She doesn’t do anything she does with the others to me.”  
  
That did little to comfort him, though he was happy Seok-jin wasn’t being hurt. “What does she do?” He could see Seok-jin pause, and while he wanted to know what he was going through, he didn’t want to force him to tell him.  
  
“Just…don’t worry about it hyung. It’s not something you have to worry about anyway.”  
  
“Of course I have to worry! You’re my brother, I-”  
  
“Just stop! You don’t need to do anything!” He immediately clamped his mouth shut, not wanting to upset his baby brother any further. Seok-jin eyed him warily the rest of the time he ate, even when he hurriedly took his bowls and washed them. He could feel his brother’s eyes on him the entire time, and winced when he turned to see his intense stare on him. “Spill it hyung. You aren’t this nice, even at your most annoying.”  
  
“I’m not-”  
  
“I’m not an idiot. You’ve been staring at me like a lost puppy this entire time. What did Saet-byul do this time?”  
  
“How do you know it was because of her?”  
  
Seok-jin just rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms across his chest. “Did you get mad at her again and now want to make up? Or let me guess, you somehow managed to piss her off? I wouldn’t put it past you with all your nagging-”  
  
“She told me she knows a way to free us.” Seok-jin’s arms fell to his side as his jaw dropped, and he took this chance to sit back down at the table. He pulled the chair close to his brother’s, not wanting to get caught and leaned in. “She told me about it last night, after her mom took that cop downstairs.”  
  
“That was a cop? No wonder she was so vicious last night.” He wondered briefly if he should tell Seok-jin about their connection with the cop, or about their mother. He scanned his brother’s face, deciding it best to keep it to himself. “So, what’d she say that made you all sad face today?”  
  
“She suggested we take the doll apart.”  
  
“…that’s it?”  
  
“She’s been learning how to make dolls from her mom. I know, I didn’t like that she was learning either, but it’s only natural she’d learn eventually.” He ran his hands over his face, moaning. “She said to make a doll was to use blood and hair, so if we take them off, it shouldn’t work anymore. I don’t know if it’ll work, it sounds far-fetched, but who knows? It’ll be better than just sitting around here forever. It’s just…she was so excited about it because she wanted to use you. But I-”  
  
“Use me.”  
  
“Seok-jin!”  
  
“I’m serious hyung! It’ll be better if we use me. If it works and I run away, it’ll take her longer to notice me than you, especially since Saet-byul can’t live without you. She’d notice you missing a mile away.”  
  
“But we don’t even know if it works! How can I let you try it when it might not work?”  
  
“If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. We won’t know until we try. And I’m not about to let you try first. I was here first; I should get the option of leaving first.” He stared at his brother in shock, taken aback that he would offer himself up like that. Every fiber of his being screamed no, to hide Seok-jin downstairs and keep him safe, but he knew better. He knew how angry Seok-jin would be if he tried to protect him; no matter how much he tried, his brother absolutely hated it when he tried to protect him.  
  
A brief flash of guilt passed over his brother’s face. “Don’t tell me you’re going to cry.”  
  
“I’m not going to cry! I just…I don’t want you to get hurt.”  
  
“God hyung, stop being so paranoid. We can talk it over with Saet-byul first and see what she thinks. It’s not like we’re going to die or anything.”  
  
“But you don’t know-”  
  
“Stop being such a worrywart and just listen to me for once!” He clamped his mouth shut when Seok-jin raised his voice. “You always try and tell me what’s right or wrong; it’s so annoying! I don’t need you to control my life, I can do it fine myself! If I get in trouble, I get in trouble! I don’t need you to tell me what to do!” After that outburst, he collapsed into his chair, running a hand through his hair. “Just…believe in me for once. I want to try this.”  
  
“…are you sure?” When he was only given a hard glare in response, he somberly nodded his head. “Alright…just…promise me you’ll be careful.” When his brother opened his mouth to threaten him again, he hurriedly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.  
  
“Hyung-!”  
  
“You’re my only brother,” he whispered lovingly, crushing his head into his shoulder when he squirmed. “I want to protect you because you’re special to me. My little baby brother…I love you.”  
  
“Ugh…you’re so cheesy,” Seok-jin muttered, though he didn’t fight anymore.  
  
  
  
  
  
“N!” He barely had time to react before a small ball of excitement jumped into his lap, scrambling to sit up and hug him around the neck. She grinned brilliantly as she pulled away, squishing his cheeks in her hands and giggling happily. He and Seok-jin exchanged glances before he hesitantly returned her smile, pushing gently on her shoulders to sit her down.  
  
“What are you so excited about?” he asked, never having seen her so happy and willing with skin ship.  
  
“I missed you,” she said simply, still beaming. However, the smile slipped from her lips when her mother came in the room behind her, burrowing herself deep in his arms. Understanding dawned on him as he held her protectively in her arms, giving the woman a warning glare when she stared at them.  
  
Surprisingly, the woman didn’t say anything as she clicked her tongue. “I’m heading back to the basement. Seok-jinnie.” He stiffened when she called out for his brother, and he glanced over to see Seok-jin resolutely stand up. She reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, smiling innocently, a finger tickling his chin. “Did you enjoy your play day? I don’t know when you’ll be up next-”  
  
“Stop!” Her sharp nails dug into Seok-jin’s face as she slowly turned around, ready to breathe fire. He gulped nervously. “Don’t take Seok-jin.”  
  
Saet-byul shifted slightly in his arms, her hands shaking at the mere idea of talking back to her mother, nowhere near the idea of actually doing it. He tried to ignore the growing fear inside as the woman he innately feared straightened, her expression impassive. With infuriating leisureliness, she turned Seok-jin around to face them and rested her arms on his shoulders, one hand cupping her chin. “And why I should do that?”  
  
“You’re going down to see that new doll…right? You won’t need Seok-jin…he can stay.” He attempted to keep his voice as steady as possible, trying to hold his head high. The woman cocked an eyebrow before laughing, patting Seok-jin’s head facetiously.  
  
“You want to keep little Seok-jinnie up here to play some more?” Seok-jin flinched slightly under her touch, and her hand around his shoulder stiffened. He nodded uncertainly and her face darkened. “You don’t need anyone. The only one you should be concerned about is my daughter.” She moved to drag Seok-jin back to basement.  
  
“Wait! Seok-jin-”  
  
“Can Seok-jin stay?” Everyone stopped as they turned to the trembling girl in his lap, the girl looking absolutely terrified. She pulled his arm to wrap around in front of her as protection. They watched as her mother’s hand grabbed a handful of Seok-jin’s hair, yanking so hard it made the normally tough boy cry out in pain. He made a move to jump to his brother’s defense but stopped when Saet-byul pressed hard into his side.  
  
“Do you really want to play?” her mother asked, her voice icy. He could feel the girl shaking as she forcibly nodded her head. He silently comforted her by patting her head, knowing how scared she was. Her mother played around with Seok-jin’s head a little while longer before shoving him at them, Seok-jin barely catching himself before he tripped into the table. “Play all you want. I don’t have time to deal with you right now.” It was tense for a few seconds before her mother headed straight to the basement, not giving them a single glance as she slammed the door behind her.  
  
“Hyung!” Seok-jin exploded, stalking up close to him. “What the hell was that?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Why did you ask to keep me here? She was pissed…can you imagine what she’ll do to the others?”  
  
“Why would I worry about the others? You’re my brother-”  
  
“You can’t even imagine the shit she does down there! How can I stand here, knowing that what they’re going to be going through is because of me? Because of _you_?”  
  
“Of course I can’t imagine!” he shouted, standing up and Saet-byul nearly tumbling out of his arms. “None of you will tell me what it’s like down there! All you keep telling me is how I’m lucky this, lucky that. But when I try and keep you from going down there, you tell me how ignorant I am! If you don’t like it, just goddamn tell me!”  
  
“N…” He stopped mid-rant when he felt a small tug on his arm, and he looked down to see Saet-byul tearing. He looked from her tear-stained face to Seok-jin’s surprised one, and realized his outburst, inwardly wincing. She crawled up off her knees and wrapped her arms around his waist, and he sadly hugged her back. “I’m sorry Saet-byul.”  
  
“Hyung…”  
  
“Sorry Seok-jin. I…” He ran a hand through his hair as he tried his best to reign in his emotions. It wasn’t fair to take out his anger on his brother, especially when it was true that Seok-jin was having the worst of the two. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you.” When he looked up at his brother, he expected him to glare or say something, but instead he was confused when his brother sent him an almost guilty gaze. His rant wasn’t any different than any of his other rants, was it? “Seok-jin-”  
  
“Hyung told me you can free us.” His eyes widened as he quickly looked down at Saet-byul, feeling her tense up before looking back up at him.  
  
“N-no…N told me he didn’t want to try…”  
  
“It’s fine. You can use me, I want to try.”  
  
“But N-”  
  
“It’s alright.” Saet-byul’s head shot up as she stared at him in surprise, and he could feel his stomach drop. “I…I said it was okay.” She hesitated, still unsure, before lowering her head as if in thought.  
  
“…will it make you happy?” He paused, taken aback, his stomach twisting at the fact that _no_ , it would _not_ make him happy. He glanced up at Seok-jin, now seeing the signature glare waiting for him. He could feel the ‘no’ on the tip of his tongue, but he held it back as he sighed resignedly.  
  
“…yes.”  
  
She didn’t say anything for the longest time before finally agreeing, nodding her head so slightly he could only tell because he was holding her. “Wait here,” she said, patting his hand tenderly before running off, he and Seok-jin watching her as she hurriedly ran next to the basement door, pushing piles of clothes off of a box. She reached behind the box and pulled out a key, unlocking it and flipping open the lid. He frowned when Seok-jin shivered, and he bit his lip at what could be inside. “Here.”  
  
He ran to her side when she pulled out a doll eerily similar to his, Seok-jin ever so tenderly taking it out of her hands. He couldn’t help but stare at the crude doll, never having seen one besides his. Seok-jin’s doll was made from different fabric, looking to be made of corduroy. It looked better kept than his, though that was probably thanks to Saet-byul carrying his everywhere she went. He reached over and stroked the doll’s cheek, running his finger through the small tufts of hair.  
  
“Hey,” his brother snapped nonthreateningly, “I can feel that.”  
  
“Sorry,” he said, forcing himself to laugh.  
  
Saet-byul closed the box back up and locked it, not wanting them to touch any of the other dolls. She turned around and took the doll back from them, cradling it as she ran back over near the fireplace. “N,” she said as she grabbed her mother’s sewing kit and flipped it open, “could you start a fire?”  
  
“A-ah, yes,” He ran over and threw a few logs in, grabbing the discarded box of matches and starting a fire.  
  
“Are you sure about what you’re doing?” Seok-jin asked carefully, watching as she pulled out scissors and a knife.  
  
“Mommy just showed me how to stitch the doll together. This should work.”  
  
“Have you practiced?”  
  
“I practiced on fake dolls. I’ve never tried on real dolls.”  
  
“Wait, what-?” Seok-jin unceremoniously yelped when she cut through one of the stitching on the hair, holding his head. His eyes widened as he looked back between his brother and the doll, his hand shooting out and grabbing Saet-byul’s hand, stopping her.  
  
“Did that hurt Seok-jinnie?”  
  
“N-no. I was just surprised she cut it so quickly.” He reluctantly let go of Saet-byul’s hand, watching her carefully as she cut off the hair. He reached out and took Seok-jin’s hand in his own, for once his brother staying silent as he squeezed back. When she finished, she stopped, looking back up at them. Without saying anything, she wiggled the doll’s arms, their hopeful looks vanishing when Seok-jin followed suit. They waited a couple of seconds, though those seconds felt like an eternity to him, to see if anything bad would happen. Luckily, Seok-jin was still in one piece.  
  
Licking her lips, she grabbed the knife and carefully began to pick at the bloodstained heart, chipping gently. He noticed grimly how his brother subconsciously rubbed his chest, and he wondered worriedly if he was hurting. He turned back to watching Saet-byul, flinching himself every time she flicked off another piece. She went to pick off a piece and accidently pierced the fabric slightly, and Seok-jin screamed, falling over and clutching his chest.  
  
“Seok-jinnie!” He ran to his brother’s side and pulled his shirt up, his mouth hanging open when he saw the small sliver in his brother’s chest. He moved to check it when his brother caught his hand.  
  
“It’s not that bad,” he mumbled, struggling to sit up. “It just took me by surprise.”  
  
“Like hell it did,” he snapped viciously, pushing him back down. “We’re done. You’re already hurt.”  
  
“Hyung!”  
  
“I said no!”  
  
“But we’re almost finished! Saet-byul! Keep going!” He whipped his head to warn the small girl to not even dare, but Saet-byul was already working again. When he opened his mouth to stop her, Seok-jin’s grip on his wrist tightened. “Don’t stop her. I want to do this. We already started; we’re going to take this to the end.”  
  
“Seok-jin-”  
  
“I’m almost done,” Saet-byul reassured, picking off another piece. “I promise.” He wanted to say no, he wanted to wrap his brother’s cut and keep him far away, he wanted to do so much; but he sat there, stupidly nodding his head at Saet-byul’s words. He just took Seok-jin’s hand in his own, squeezing it and praying everything to go well. He frowned, another flurry of worry coming over him when Seok-jin put a hand on his forehead, breaking out into a sweat.  
  
“Seok-jin-”  
  
“I’m just hot,” he interrupted. “We’re right next to the fire.”  
  
“We should stop-”  
  
“One last piece!” Saet-byul shouted, showing them the doll and the nearly clean heart. “This should work!”  
  
His hands shook as he watched the knife come down on that doll, time seeming to stop when the knife pressed down. He swallowed heavily. This had to work, this had to work. He snuck one last glance at his brother; his little Seok-jinnie that acted so old when he was still so young. This had to work, his Seok-jinnie hasn’t seen the world yet, he has so much to do. Seok-jin…he had to go back home, see their mother and fix their relationship. He couldn’t be trapped here. His baby brother who didn’t even know his own feelings and childishly snapped at everyone…this had to work for his baby brother’s sake.  
  
Saet-byul picked off the last piece, leaving a completely bare heart.  
  
She moved the arms around, and no one moved when Seok-jin lay completely still. But before any of them could fully take it in, before he could hug his brother one last time...  
  
  
  
Seok-jin burst into flames.


	13. interlude

_It’s been so long since she’d first heard these voices, the voices that told her to do things and made her do things. She originally had thought she was so strong, and she wouldn’t fall to the same thing that her mother did, or her grandmother before her. She wanted to be strong for her little girl. But she couldn’t stop them. They came for her the day she made her first doll, when she brought him home and took him to bed. Her lovely Ri-ri…she only had him for a day. The voices had hated him, saying he wasn’t right for her, and made her kill him._

_Her mother had been so angry._

_The voices demanded she bring home a new doll, a better one, but she was so afraid to. She didn’t want to kill another one; she didn’t like the blood that stained her hands and dress. Even now, she would sometimes see it dripping down her fingers, coating her hands. She just wanted to be normal, having a lovely doll by her side and going to school. She had been so excited to show her friends him too._

_Her mother wanted her to try again and bring a doll home, to keep this one alive. The voices demanded too. But she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to._

_It didn’t take long for her mother to discover she heard the voices too, and was devastated when she realized they wanted her to kill._

_“My little Eun-ji,” she said sadly, rocking her in her arms and kissing her brow gently, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”_

_She refused to admit she heard the voices, she didn’t want to say she was the same as her crazy mother. She had always been ashamed of her mother, watching as she went into fits and would beat her for no reason. It angered her when her teachers and friends assumed she was abused, just because of that. She yelled at her mother to control herself, that she was embarrassing her, but it only made her mother angrier._

_“Everyone thinks you’re beating me! They don’t believe me when I tell them that’s just how you are… Why can’t you be like all the other mothers? Why do you act like this?”_

_“They don’t understand! They’re not like us. Eun-ji ya, you’re better than them, you’re better than all of them. They’re just waiting for you to make them your doll. They’re all just dolls!”_

_“I don’t_ want _to make them my doll! I hate dolls! I don’t want-”_

_“Don’t you ever say that again! Dolls are your life! They’re_ our _life!”_

_The next day her mother brought a man home, plopping his doll into her unwilling hands. “Eun-ji ya, this is Si-ri. He’s your new doll. Treat him well.” And without warning, her mother jammed a knife in her arm, ripping it out with her blood dripping all over the blade. She and the doll watched in horror as her mother colored the doll’s eyes with her blood, her mother smiling crazily as she held it up for them to see. “This doll is special. This doll is your very own doll.”_

_Si-ri was a college student. Three years older than her, he was so handsome and silent, the exact kind of boyfriend she had always wanted. Her mother was right; this was the doll for her. The voices approved of him and wanted her to keep him all to themselves, not letting anyone even touch him. He was hers. Theirs. No one was allowed to come near him. They didn’t even want her mother touching him._

_Si-ri was a psychology student. He played all kinds of games with her, playing guessing games and number games. She liked being with him. Ever since the voices came, her friends had hung out with her less and less, saying she was different. They said she was scary. But that was okay, the voices didn’t like them anyway. They only wanted Si-ri._

_Si-ri went to school with her. His new name was Yoon Si-ri. He didn’t like having to go to high school again, and was angry. She didn’t like seeing him angry. She hugged him every day to make him smile._

_Si-ri started to look at girls at school, talking to them during class and eating with them at lunch. She hated seeing him talk with them. He was hers. Hers. Hers hers hers hers hers hers hers hers hers hers HERS! The voices also grew angry, yelling at her to take him away and kill the people who took him away. Kill. Kill them. Kill them kill them kill them KILL THEM._

_She didn’t want to kill._

_KILL THEM._

_KILL THEM._

_KILL THEM!_

_She took Si-ri away, wouldn’t let him go to school and locked him in her room. Her mother yelled at her, but she was tired of her mother. She wanted Si-ri. She didn’t want anyone to take him. She grabbed a knife, striking out wildly and demanded her mother stay away, ignoring her mother’s wide eyes and scared face. She ran inside her room, locking the door behind her with Si-ri on her bed. She ignored how scared Si-ri was. Si-ri was hers. She wasn’t going to let those whores take him away._

_He pleaded and cried, promising her he wouldn’t leave her, he would never go with those girls. He promised her he only loved her, saying sweet words until he got close enough to pull the knife away. She screamed and cried, the voices making her head ache as they demanded blood._

_KILL THEM._

_Si-ri held her lovingly on the bed, holding her tight and rocking her._

_KILL THEM._

_Eventually, she allowed Si-ri to leave, allowed the two of them to go back to school. It was almost like before the voices came; she would hold his hand as they walked and would eat together. She was happy. Her mother even left them alone, bringing dolls home and taking them to the basement. She wasn’t allowed in the basement, those were her mother’s private dolls, but she didn’t mind. She had Si-ri._

_She was so happy. So, so happy._

_Then it all got ruined._

_A girl kissed her Si-ri._

_They were hiding in an empty classroom, her pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around her waist. It was a teacher. He was kissing a teacher. He was kissing her. The voices came back with a vengeance, screaming to kill them both. KILL THEM. She flew into a rage, beating the girl away, taking a chair and smashing it on her, intent on crushing her. KILL HER. KILL HER. KILL!_

_Si-ri grabbed the chair out of her hands, trying to calm her, but she was beyond reason. She grabbed his doll and smashed it on the desk repeatedly, laughing manically when he screamed in pain. She left the girl and forced him home, pushing her mother aside as she threw Si-ri to onto her bed. He was still in pain, whimpering to her and begging her not to hit him. She didn’t want to listen. She didn’t want to listen._

_He was hers._

_She forced him to sleep with her. He cried on her the entire time, trembling as he kissed her all over. She didn’t like him crying, she dug her nails into his back, wanting him to stop. She held him so tightly, clawing into his back to get rid of that girl. She smashed her lips on his, licking them to try and rid those girl’s. She made him drive into her until he fell asleep, his body only continuing because she forced the doll. She wanted to claim him as hers. She wanted to make him hers._

_But the voices didn’t want that. They didn’t want him alive anymore. He wasn’t pure anymore. Si-ri was useless._

_She wanted him._

_KILL HIM._

_She wanted to live with him forever, letting him hug and kiss her. She wanted to see him smile and hear him laugh._

_“Eun-ji! Eun-ji ya! Open the door!_ _ ”  _

_KILL HIM!_

_The voices were so loud; she was so tired of hearing them. Grinning so wide her cheeks hurt, she snatched the doll and shoved the knife right through, watching in fascination when Si-ri’s stomach ripped open on its own. His eyes shot open as he coughed blood, staring at her in shock as he attempted to mumble words._

_He was laughing with a girl, placing a hand on her shoulder._

_He opened his mouth playfully as a girl placed a piece of kimbap in his mouth._

_The teacher kissed him in that empty classroom._

_“I promise Eun-ji ya…I’ll only love you.”_

_She ripped the seam apart, turning the doll inside out and watching as Si-ri’s body did the same, his intestines jumping out of his body and staining her bed. There was so much blood, it leaked all over and ran down the floor. It was everywhere. Her Si-ri. Her beloved Si-ri. She killed him. She killed him._

_She screamed as she stabbed the doll over and over again, crying out as his body jerked and jolted each time, his body ripping open. She killed him. She killed her beloved Si-ri! Her Si-ri!_

_Her mother finally burst through the door, shrieking at the sight of the grotesque heap of flesh on her bed, the only thing recognizable being Si-ri’s face. She snatched the doll out of her arms, yelling things the voices wouldn’t let her hear. She grabbed her head, screaming as they commanded her to kill. No, she wouldn’t kill again. Never again. Never, never, never again._

_Her mother hid Si-ri’s body in the basement, holding her tight and crying, apologizing for not helping her._

_Two weeks later she found out she was pregnant._

_One month later her mother killed herself in the basement, right in the middle of the room so the dolls could watch._

_Two months later she brought home a new doll, playing and torturing the thing until she grew tired, stringing him up in the basement and looking for a new one._

_Nine months later she bore her child._

_She named her Saet-byul._

_She was beautiful._


	14. Chapter 14

She peeked around the corner to the main room, her fingers clenching and her heart dropping at the sight of her beloved doll sitting in the middle of the room. Everything about the scene was beautiful; the spring sun shone through the windows and lit him up, his whole face glowing. From this distance, she almost couldn’t see his sunken cheeks and bloodshot eyes. He almost looked like he was sleeping.  
  
But everything was not alright. N hadn’t moved from that one spot since Seok-jin’s death, his eyes unmoving from the charred place where his brother had burned. He hadn’t reacted to anything she or her mother did; his listlessness and apathy so scary she felt wrong to use his doll. While he didn’t say or do anything, she could almost feel his pain if she moved him. So while it hurt her to see him wither away like that, she let him be.  
  
As quietly as she could, though he wouldn’t move regardless if she was loud or not, she went to the fridge and pulled out the breakfast her mother had prepared for them. His bowl was bigger, the fish fresher; her mother had become softer with N ever since the incident. When her mother had first come up when Seok-jin had been burning and N screaming and uselessly trying to put the flames out with his bare hands, she was afraid she would grab the iron rod and beat them all. But all her mother did was quickly gather a bunch of water from the faucet and dump it on Seok-jin, though it was too late.  
  
Her mother got rid of Seok-jin’s unrecognizable body, saying nothing to the two of them as she went straight to the basement. N had cried nonstop at first, clawing at the floor and screaming Seok-jin’s name repeatedly, and it broke her to see her strong, beautiful N this way. She tried to comfort him then, but it was as if she didn’t exist. He ignored her as he cried, crying until he finally fell asleep with his body curled around the burn mark on the floor. After a few days, he cried less and less, until this motionless N remained in his place.  
  
She didn’t like this N.  
  
Carrying the platter of food as carefully as she could, she moved to his side and placed it on the floor. She knelt silently as she tenderly wrapped her arms around his unmoving shoulders, her heart clenching at the glossed look in his eye. She laid her chin on his shoulder, her lip trembling when he didn’t so much as flinch at her touch. He looked so tired and sick.  
  
“N…,” she whispered, gently pressing her lips against his cheek. Tears rolled down her cheeks when he didn’t move. “I’m so sorry.” She picked up the wet rag she had prepared, tenderly cleaning his dry, tear-stained face. He still didn’t move. “You have to get better,” she said quietly, talking to herself, “it makes me so sad to see you like this. I hate seeing you like this.” She paused around his eye, taking great care as she cleaned his eyelid. “I want to see you smile again. Can you smile N?” He didn’t move.  
  
Sighing, she burrowed herself into his lap, wrapping his limp arms around her in a false sense of warmth and security. She glanced at the plate of food, looking over and feeling N’s sunken cheeks, knowing he needs to eat. Without leaving his lap, she scooped a small spoonful of rice, shifting slightly as she used her other hand to pry his lips open. He didn’t fight her, his glossy eyes staring into nothing as she shoved the spoon in his mouth.  
  
“Please eat,” she whispered, hiding her frustration when he didn’t eat the food, letting the spoon sit on his tongue. “N…” She tipped the food onto his tongue and pulled the spoon out, moving his jaw up and down until he eventually swallowed. Her tired face brightened at the improvement, hurriedly scooping a larger bunch of rice, placing a piece of fish on top before abruptly shoving it in his mouth.  
  
He gagged, spitting the food out as he coughed, his hands pulling away from her as he held his chest. She dropped the spoon as she cupped his face in her hands, watching pitifully as he struggled to breathe. “I’m sorry,” she gushed, only calming when his coughs lessened and his hands fell uselessly by his side. His eyes, for just a second, flitted to look at her and she could feel her whole day brighten.  
  
The next day, she forced herself in his lap and rocked lightly, singing sweet songs her mother used to sing to him.  
  
After a few days, his hands that she wrapped around herself started to tighten.  
  
Two weeks after Seok-jin’s death, when she sat down in his lap, he wrapped his arms around her himself, placing his chin on her head.  
  
Later that day, when she came to bring him his food, he turned his head and smiled at her, reaching out and bringing her to his lap. He willingly opened his mouth for her and let her feed him, chewing on his own.  
  
But no matter how much he was progressing, he still refused to move from that one spot.  
  
One day, while sitting in his lap and letting him rock her, she reached over and felt his hair, now reaching his shoulders. It was getting so long, caked in grease and dirt from never cleaning it. She needed to wash him, to clean him up and make him look like new again. She twirled a lock of his hair between her fingers when an idea suddenly popped in her head, though she almost immediately shot it down, realizing she would have to go outside for that. She was afraid, never wanting to leave the house without N again...however…  
  
N needed her, and she would do anything to bring her N back.  
  
When she was sure her mother was in the basement, she dressed herself and went to the main room where N sat. Biting her lip, she moved to his side where he turned and smiled at her, spreading his arms out to welcome her into his arms. She smiled as she pushed his hands back down, relishing the confused look on his face.  
  
“I have to go,” she said carefully, watching his brows knit, “I’ll be back later. I promise.” She moved to pull away and his grip tightened, wordlessly telling her to stay. She almost gave up right there, her body craving to be in his lap. But she needed to do this; it was the only thing she could think of to make him smile. So, while forcing the widest smile she could, she pushed him away. “Stay here, okay?” She didn’t know why she asked, he wasn’t going to move, but felt the need to hear something from him, to not see him stare at her like that.  
  
He watched her all the way up until she opened the door; the moment she stepped foot outside he scrambled to his feet, running to her side. She stared in muted shock, never having thought leaving would be the thing that would make him move. “W-what are you doing?” she asked, looking his face over to see why he suddenly stirred. She waited for his answer, her fingers shaking, but he continued to stay silent, his eyes still having that glossed look. Her face fell.  
  
“Stay here,” she said, weakly pushing him back inside, faltering when he silently grabbed her hands and held her fast. She hesitated, his actions and eyes screaming the opposite as he willed her to stay and go. “N…”  
  
She kept her head down low as she stole a glance at the silent man next to her, his glossy eyes focused forward as he held her hand tightly in his. He hadn’t said anything after following her, instead silently walking by her side. She sadly looked up at him, watching the wind swirl his long hair around his face. She was happy that he had finally moved, though that happiness was dampened by that fact that it was not because he wanted to, but more out of obligation.  
  
She walked around for a bit until a small store that looked similar to the one she and N frequented came into view. She broke away from N’s grip as she hurriedly ran inside, hiding her face when the man behind the counter looked up at her. Walking quickly enough that N was left behind, she looked down each row of shelves, frowning when she didn’t see it.  
  
“Can I help you with something?” She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden voice behind her, and she could see N angrily stalking his way over to them.  
  
“I-I’m looking for something,” she said softly, her heart beating heavily against her chest as she tried her best to stay calm. The man nodded his head, waiting, and she swallowed, her eyes darting to N who stood silently behind the man, ready to help her if need be. “I need…” she grabbed her hair, hoping he would understand.  
  
“Ah, I see. Follow me.” She grabbed N’s hand and followed the man as he led her down a few more shelves, stopping in front of rows upon rows of bottles. She brightened when she saw pictures of hair on them, these no doubt being what she looked for. “Are you looking for shampoo, conditioner, or hair dye?” She blinked incomprehensively at him and the man groaned loudly, earning a harsh glare from N. “What do you want to do with your hair?”  
  
“C-color?” she whimpered out, subconsciously fingering her hair again.  
  
“If you want to color your hair, we have a wide selection of colors here. What color are you thinking of? We have blonde, brown, red…” He trailed off when he saw she wasn’t listening; her attention on the row of bottles, trying to see if the one she wanted was there. There were all kinds of colors…but the one she wanted…there it was! Knowing she had two sets of eyes boring into her back, she snatched her desired bottle and held it tightly to her chest, her cheeks red.  
  
“You’re going to have to pay for that,” the man said, and she pulled in on herself as she nodded. He took her back to the front of the store, going behind the counter and pressing a few buttons on what looked like a computer. “That’ll be 10,000 won.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out all the money she stole from N, staring at it in confusion before just shoving all of it at him. He gave her a look of disbelief before straightening out her crumpled bills, handing a few of them back. She didn’t waste any time running out of there, yanking N by his shirt and sprinting down the road. It wasn’t until she was completely out of breath that she stopped, gasping for air.  
  
N reached out and took her face in his hands, his lidded eyes the only indication he was checking to see if she was okay. She smiled, still panting, as she placed her hands over his, relishing in how warm he was. “Let’s get back,” she said as happily as she could, hoping he couldn’t hear how forced she sounded. She would never let him know how terrified she had been back there.  
  
She had to be strong for N.  
  
She opened the front door very slowly, peeking her head in and checking to see if her mother was there. She could only imagine what her mother would do if she knew they had snuck out. Luckily, she was still in the basement. Breathing out a huge sigh of relief, she ushered N inside and closed the door behind her. She paused when N walked right past her and sat back down next to the charred floor, his hands tenderly brushing the burnt wood. Her eyes softened.  
  
“N…” She went to his side, “you need to-” She yelped when he suddenly reached out and pulled her down onto his lap, hugging her tight. “N-” He cut her off by shoving her face into his chest, cradling her as he rocked her back and forth. “You need to shower!”  
  
He froze, allowing her to free herself and crawl out of his lap. “You haven’t showered in a long time, your hair is yucky and you smell.” He blinked at her, slowly bending his head to smell himself. “Come on, we can shower together.” He started at that, his mouth hanging open slightly making her giggle. “Don’t worry, I won’t look when you wash your special parts. Promise.” He stuttered as she dragged him up, this time having a much easier time getting him to stand.  
  
She laughed at his uncomfortable face as they huddled in the shower together, the water raining down on the both of them. She had stripped naked, not seeing any problem being naked in front of her doll, though he seemed to have other ideas, still wearing his pants. He refused to look at her, his cheeks tinted red, and she could see he was embarrassed.  
  
“Bend down,” she demanded, his eyes widening. “I want to wash your hair but you’re too tall. Bend down.” Very carefully, he started to kneel down, though she took this as initiative to push him down. His arms flew around to catch himself, barely stopping himself from splattering on the floor. He looked up at her in shock but she only smiled sweetly in response, squishing his cheeks.  
  
She opened the bottle of shampoo and started to massage his head, crunching his hair as she worked all the layers of grease away. As she worked, she noticed his eyes slowly closing. She waited until he seemed almost asleep before pulling out the bottle she had just bought, whipping off the cap and pouring a good amount on his head. He didn’t seem to notice, so she started to massage it into his head, not leaving a strand alone.  
  
She giggled when his hair started to change color, and she sneakily placed a kiss on his cheek before setting about to cleaning her own hair. She used the same solution as N’s, and looked on approvingly when her hair changed too. She washed down N’s upper body with the soap, her hand hesitating over the scar on his side, the wound puckered and hard. She took his hands and gently lathered his fingers in the warm water, cleaning under his nails.  
  
Without waking him, she turned the water back on and set about washing his hair out. She stood proudly when his hair shone beautifully, the strands feeling soft and light. She cleaned herself off and stepped in front of him, the shower water still running down their faces.  
  
“N,” she said sweetly, patting his cheek to wake him up. “N?” His eyes blinked open, blearily looking around before landing on her. His eyes snapped open as he hurriedly looked back down; she giggled. “You need to wash your special parts now. I’ll let you do that on your own.” He still refused to look up at her, his eyes looking everywhere but at her, until they locked on something. His hand shot out and grabbed a fistful of her hair, yanking it in surprise.  
  
She yelped when he shot to his feet, finally looking at her as he took in her now gray hair, pulling her face this way and that. He dropped her hair as he grabbed his own, pulling the long locks into view and his mouth dropping. She chuckled at his expression, watching a flurry of emotions pass over his emotionless face before he turned to her.  
  
“Do you like it?” she asked hopefully, watching as his eyes continuously looked back to his hair. This gray was a little lighter than the one he had originally, but she hoped he wouldn’t mind. He didn’t say anything for the longest time, the only sound being the soft pitter-patter of the shower, when suddenly…he laughed. She blinked, her turn to be shocked, when his whole body shook with each chuckle, the glossed look in his eye replaced with a soft sparkle. “You like it?”  
  
“Saet-byul…” Her mouth dropped at the whisper of her name, his voice sounding as lovely as she remembered. She wanted to hear it again.  
  
  
  
  
“I want to cut your hair,” she announced, holding up the scissors and turning to N, who after dressing sat on her bed. “Your hair is getting long.”  
  
“I’ll cut it,” he said quietly.  
  
“I want to try,” she interjected quickly, jumping on her bed and standing behind him. He made a sound though he didn’t fight, his hands gripping his knees when she made the first cut. “Don’t worry, I won’t cut it too short. I remember you said you didn’t like it like that.” She cut up to the nape of his neck and cutting around his ears, watching in fascination when his hair fluttered to the ground. She moved around in front of him to cut his bangs, cutting them right above his eyebrows. He sat completely still the entire time, only moving when she finished.  
  
She excitedly dragged him back to the bathroom, pulling him to the mirror so he could see her handiwork. He blinked as he leaned forward, turning his head slightly. “You layered my hair?” he asked.  
  
“What does that mean?”  
  
He picked up some of the shorter strand on top of his head, yanking on them. “You made some of the strands shorter. How did you do that?”  
  
“Do you not like it?” she asked worriedly, afraid he would retreat back into himself again. He was just starting to talk again; she was just starting to hear his voice again. She was seeing him smile…she didn’t want to lose that. “I wasn’t sure how to cut your hair. I’m sorry. Hyuk has his hair like that. He told me a lot of boys cut their hair like that so I thought –I’m sorry. If you don’t like it we can cut it again. I’m so sorry N-”  
  
“I love it,” he said with a smile, gently cutting her off.  
  
“I didn’t m– y-you do?”  
  
“Yes,” he said, putting a hand on her head. “Layering is difficult to do; I was just surprised you knew how.” She reveled in the warmth of his hand on her head, the warm feeling blossoming in her chest at the sight of his warm eyes on her. A small smile grew on her lips, not wanting to distract him and ruin this moment. She could stand there with his hand on her head forever. “My Byullie did a good job.”  
  
Her heart swelled.  
  
“You dyed your hair too?”  
  
“I wanted to be the same as you. Mine is pretty, right?”  
  
He laughed again, his hand moving to the back of her head. “It’s pretty.” He led her back into their bedroom, sitting down on the bed and pulling her onto his lap. He leaned his head on her shoulder and she stiffened, his hot breath on her cheek. “So, you gave me the same haircut as your Hyukkie?”  
  
“It was the only kind I knew!”  
  
“Should I be jealous? Now I’m second to your Hyukkie.”  
  
She pulled away as she shifted in his hold, pouting. “You’re always first. Your hair looks much better than his.”  
  
“I’ll have to warn this Hyukkie that he’s not allowed to come anywhere near my Byullie. He’ll have to go through me first.” He pulled her in tighter, and she realized that he wasn’t playing anymore. “My precious Byullie can’t go to anyone.”  
  
“N-”  
  
“Don’t worry,” he said gently, “if you want to love him, I won’t stop you. But until you tell me, I won’t allow it.”


	15. Chapter 15

He stared lovingly as Saet-byul slept in his arms, his shaky hand reaching out and pushing her hair from her face. Saet-byul…Saet-byul was all he needed now. He had already failed his baby brother, his precious Seok-jinnie… His hand around her back tightened as he fought his urge to cry, his body shaking. He couldn’t blame Saet-byul for what happened.  
  
He had said yes.  
  
He told her it was okay.  
  
He killed his baby brother.  
  
He killed Seok-jin.  
  
He had wanted to die the moment he stared at the giant husk that had once been his brother. How could he sit here, breathing, when he had so cruelly and violently ripped Seok-jin away? He hadn’t wanted to move, wanting to wither away and die next to his brother. Even now, the idea of him sleeping in this soft bed had him nearly in tears. How long had it been since Seok-jin slept in a bed? And now he wouldn’t ever be able to.  
  
He should die.  
  
It wasn’t fair to his baby brother if he lived happily.  
  
Saet-byul mumbled something as she shifted in her sleep, and he bit his tongue to suppress his sobs. But this girl…this stubborn girl who every day forced herself into his arms, he couldn’t leave her. If he died, who would take care of her? She who so pitifully clung onto him like a lifeline, he knew she couldn’t live without him. This girl who couldn’t sleep, eat, or breathe without him; how could he leave her?  
  
He’d protect Saet-byul.  
  
Like how he failed Seok-jin, he would make sure nothing ever happened to his Byullie.  
  
  
  
The school wasn’t happy when he finally appeared after missing two weeks, though he was more surprised that it had already been that long. The moment he stepped into the classroom, a hushed whisper went throughout the class, the teacher stuttering in shock. He couldn’t have been bothered with what the others thought of him, giving the teacher a half-assed bow before going to his seat.  
  
“H-hey! Yoon Woo-jin!” He stopped halfway from sitting down, the room deathly silent, and he looked up to see the teacher still stuttering at him. “Where the hell have you been?” He fought the urge to roll his eyes as he sat down.  
  
“Home,” he answered simply, looking out the window in hopes he would stop asking questions.  
  
“Is that all you can say? Come to the teacher’s office after class. Understand?” He gave another half nod in response, and he could see the teacher’s face redden in response. He never had been a bad student; he actually used to be a pretty decent student. His mother had always wished he tried harder but had been satisfied with his grades, and his teachers had always appreciated how talkative and helpful he was. A small part of that boy was horrified with how disrespectful and uncaring he had become, but he honestly didn’t care that much anymore.  
  
His indifferent attitude came at a price though, the teacher paid all too close attention to him throughout class, calling him out anytime his eyes strayed from the board. He was called on a couple times, probably to try and embarrass him for not paying attention, though he was able to handle that with ease. He didn’t mean to be a pain in the ass to the teacher, he could see he was really trying; it was just he really didn’t want to be here. He wasn’t ready to come back to school yet.  
  
“Oh my god, Woo-jin; are you okay? You’ve been gone for weeks!”  
  
“Were you sick?”  
  
“Hey man, what happened? Someone die or something?”  
  
And that was exactly why; he wasn’t ready for the prying and annoying questions of his classmates. He knew they were mostly good-intentioned, but those good-intentions were misplaced. He wasn’t about to tell any of these nosy kids what happened, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to shared his feelings with them.  
  
He ignored them as he headed to teacher’s office during the lunch break, making sure this time to keep his head lowered respectfully. When his teacher turned to look at him with a sigh, he was half expecting him to throw something, or at least yell at him. He was not expecting a sympathetic look, let alone a kind pat on the arm. He blinked in confusion and his teacher seemed to clock the reaction.  
  
“Woo-jin ah,” he said affectionately, and he held back a shiver, “is something going on at home?”  
  
…was it that obvious?  
  
“No teacher,” he said immediately, hoping that was all the teacher called him for and would let him go. It was alright if he blew off his classmates, but he couldn’t ignore the teacher. If he asked and he didn’t respond well enough, he’ll call home, and calling home meant Saet-byul’s mom would answer, and if she answered… “Nothing’s going on at home.”  
  
“Are you sure?” the teacher pressed, scooting his chair forward. “You haven’t been to class in over two weeks, and no one answered when we called home.”  
  
“Nothing’s going on,” he said again. “My mother’s just afraid of answering the phone. She probably heard you but just refused to answer.”  
  
“Then where were you?”  
  
“…somewhere.”  
  
“Woo-jin, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on. No one’s listening here, if you need to tell me something, it’s alright. I won’t tell anyone else.”  
  
“Everything’s fine, teacher. Things just happened so I couldn’t come. I’m fine now.”  
  
“Then if I call home, your mother’s going to tell me everything’s fine?”  
  
“Don’t call!” he snapped, his patience wearing thin. He didn’t mind the teacher’s concern, knowing it wasn’t unwarranted, but if he kept pushing he was going to get pissed. He could only stand here for so long before it became more of an interrogation. “Look, teacher, I promise you, home is fine. I won’t miss any more classes. Don’t worry.” He bowed and hurriedly ran out of there, not giving his teacher any more time to call after him.  
  
There were only a few of his classmates still in the room, the majority of them heading to the cafeteria to eat. They were much more wary on approaching him time this around, only a couple of girls still trying to talk to him. He liked this much better, enjoying the silence sent his way as the others eventually went back to themselves. He leaned back in his seat, ready to take a small nap, when he heard something brushed on his desk, and opened his eyes to see a notebook. He sat back up and looked over in time to see the guy next to him hurriedly look away, his cheeks tinted red.  
  
“Y-you…” He whipped open the notebook to see the entire thing full of notes from all of their classes, each day labeled and color coded per class. His jaw slackened at the amount of effort that had to have been put into this, and he looked over in slight awe. “Did you do this for me?”  
  
The guy nodded embarrassedly, a hint of a smile on his lips.  
  
He chuckled, flipping through the pages one last time. “Taek…Taek-woonie right? You didn’t have to do this.”  
  
“You…you missed class,” the other boy replied simply, though he noticed how his face lit up when he said his name.  
  
“Thanks. I’ll copy these and hand them back to you as soon as possible.”  
  
“You don’t have to,” he said hurriedly, reaching out and pushing the notebook back to him. “I-I made them for you.”  
  
His sour mood brightened just at the look of how proud the other boy was of his work, and how he waited so expectantly to hear his praise. This boy…he could almost picture Seok-jin in him. If only Seok-jin had stayed cute like this, he would still be here. If only he had been studious like Taek-woon, and hadn’t tried to get in with those gangs to prove himself, he would be alive. He forced a happy smile on his face, ruffling the other’s hair. “Really? Thanks a lot Taek-woonie!”  
  
Opening to one of the pages and reading over the English notes, he asked casually, “Do you take notes like this all the time?” Taek-woon didn’t answer, and when he looked up he saw the other hurriedly nod. He frowned; he guessed the boy didn’t like talking that much. “How can you sit there and take such good notes? Class is so boring.”  
  
The other looked down thoughtfully and he sighed out in exasperation. “Don’t do that,” he snapped, grabbing the other’s chin and forcing it up. Taek-woon stared at him in slight horror, trying desperately to pull away. “When someone’s asking you a question about yourself, you should answer confidently. Don’t hide away like that.” He finally let go and the other drew in on himself, one hand rubbing his chin. He could tell he was hurt.  
  
“Hey, I’m not yelling at you. I’m just trying to help. You’ve been helping me even though I’ve been just sitting around here doing nothing.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter,” the other muttered quietly. He waited for the other to continue but he kept silent, his eyes downcast and the cute smile of his gone. He shook his head and thanked the boy one last time, giving him a pat on the back.  
  
That brought the smile back.  
  
When classes were over, he avoided looking the teacher in the eye and jumped out of his seat, ready to book it out of there. He had to get Saet-byul. “W-Woo-jin…?”  
  
He turned around to see Taek-woon looking up at him from his seat, the notebook from earlier in his hands. He knew he messed up when he saw the hurt look on the other’s face, the fingers holding the notebook shaking. “I’m so sorry Taek-woon ah! I forgot to put it in my bag, I’m really sorry!” He threw his bag on his desk and quickly snatched the book out of the other’s hands, stuffing it in his bag as carefully as he could. He sent the other a flashing smile, though it didn’t seem to be enough, the boy avoiding his eyes.  
  
“Taek-woonie-”  
  
“It’s alright,” he said softly, standing up and throwing his bag over his shoulder. “See you tomorrow.”  
  
“Taek-woon, wait!” He ran up to the other and grabbed his arm, holding him back. “Hey, I really did forget. I didn’t leave it on purpose.”  
  
“It’s fine…”  
  
_“Seok-jinnie, Mommy has something she needs to tell you.”_  
  
_“You mean hyung isn’t really my hyung? You’re not my mother?”_  
  
“Hey…would you mind coming with me to pick someone up? I don’t want to see you leave with a sad face.” He poked the other’s cheek, lighting up when the other sent him a cute, little smile. “Please?”  
  
“I…”  
  
“It’s not that far away. At most it takes me ten minutes to get there.” He sent the other a pleading smile, his hands clasped in front of him, and it took less than three seconds for the boy to crumble.  
  
He smiled brightly as he hooked his arm in Taek-woon’s, leading the quiet boy down the street as they headed to Saet-byul’s school. He looked over to see the other boy staring at their locked arms in wonder, and for a second his smile slipped away. He really wasn’t sure why he suddenly decided to bring Taek-woon along with him, to meet Saet-byul of all people. If it was anyone else, he would rather stab their eyes out than bring them close to her. But Taek-woon… Taek-woon gave him a tiny smile that made his chubby cheeks brighten.  
  
Taek-woon was like his cute little Seok-jinnie…  
  
After a while, Taek-woon relaxed in his death grip, his shoulders lowering and his sweaty hands opening up. He cleared his throat. “U-um…Woo-jin-”  
  
“I’m bringing you to meet someone very special to me." He could tell Taek-woon was curious, though the other stayed silent instead of asking. He appreciated that. They continued on in silence until Saet-byul’s school came into view, the majority of the students already having left. “Come on,” he said, speeding up as he realized how much time had passed since school had ended. He only hoped she was okay waiting this long.  
  
He and Taek-woon jogged down the hallways, his heart dropping the moment he saw the empty room. Where…? Where did she go? She never left this room; she always waited for him here. She wouldn’t have left on her own. Panicking, he looked up and down the hallway, hoping to see her jump out or something. “Woo-jin? What’s wrong?”  
  
“She’s missing,” he managed to breathe out, his chest heaving when Saet-byul’s teacher turned around the corner. She looked surprised for a second before smiling.  
  
“Woo-jin, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She clocked his frantic expression and chuckled. “Are you looking for Saet-byul? She’s at her tutoring, remember?”  
  
…tutoring?  
  
“Where is she now?”  
  
The woman sighed as she sent him a slightly disappointed look, nodding her head to the closed door next to her. “She’s in there. But don’t go in, she needs to finish her lesson before heading home.” She sent him a hard stare before leaving them; he groaned as he slumped to the floor, exhausted. He could feel Taek-woon’s heavy stare on his, and he buried his head in his hands.  
  
“I forgot about her tutoring,” he said quietly, his voice muffled. “I’m sorry for bringing you out here for nothing.”  
  
“I…I’ll wait with you if you want.” He looked up to see Taek-woon staring straight at him, the embarrassed look gone and replaced with a more confident, steely look. He had to say he was a little sad to see that cute face disappear, even when he told him not to. He invited Taek-woon to sit next to him while they waited, though the other seemed determined to stand, his hands in his pockets. Though after a while, when the only indication they were in there being muffled talking, he eventually sat down.  
  
He didn’t know how much time passed before the door eventually opened, he shot up expectantly only to be face to face with the tutor. He immediately frowned.  
  
He didn’t like her tutor. There was something about him that he just didn’t like; he just couldn’t stand his fake smile. He also had heard him demand Saet-byul not to tell anyone about him tutoring her, as if he was embarrassed of her.  
  
The guy jumped at the sight of him, backing up a few steps and he inwardly cheered that he was intimidating enough that this guy was scared. Saet-byul was right there behind him, darting out from under the guy’s arm and hugging him. He barely gave her a second glance, glaring at the guy until he eventually scurried away. If it wasn’t for the fact that she _needed_ a tutor, he would have stopped this nonsense by now.  
  
“N,” she breathed, jerking back and swiftly hiding behind him. He immediately tensed; snapping his head up to find whatever scared her, when he suddenly laughed.  
  
“Don’t be scared,” he said tenderly, pushing her out. “He’s a friend.”  
  
Taek-woon seemed to belatedly realize she was scared of him, hurriedly bowing. “Hello,” he said gently, his voice barely over a whisper.  
  
Saet-byul wasn’t convinced, her little fingers trembling and her face pressed firmly into his side. He sighed as reached over her and pat her shoulder. “He’s a friend to me like Hyukkie is to you. He won’t hurt you.” That seemed to work, her slowly but surely pulling away from him to get a good look at the other boy. It was actually adorable watching Taek-woon attempt to widen his eyes, trying his hardest not to appear to glare at her. “Say hello.”  
  
At that she pressed herself back against him side again, though she did eventually eek out a small, “Hello.”  
  
Knowing how hard it was for her to say even that, he took over introductions. “This is my friend Taek-woon, he’s from my class.” She nodded and he turned to said boy. “This is Saet-byul.” He could tell he was expecting him to say more about her, but that was as far as he was going. It didn’t matter how much he liked the other boy, Saet-byul was a different story.  
  
“Was this your special someone?” Taek-woon asked after a moment of silence. He nodded, looking back down at her to see her slowly relaxing.  
  
“She’s the one I pick up right after school. I got so caught up in coming here I forgot about your notebook.”  
  
“Ah…this was all to apologize.”  
  
“I didn’t mean it like that! I really did want to introduce you to her.” He wanted to say more but she tugged on his arm, sending him a desperate look. He knew what she wanted, and while he wanted to stay to make sure Taek-woon left in high spirits, he couldn’t deny her. “We have to go catch our bus to get home, so we have to go. Sorry that I have to leave.”  
  
Taek-woon shook his head, rocking on his feet. “That’s okay.”  
  
Taek-woon must have looked really pitiful because even Saet-byul felt bad, moving her head slightly so she could stare at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Taek-woon nodded and he couldn’t help but smile. “Make sure tomorrow you don’t hide behind your hair! Puff out your chest and be confident, okay?” He brushed Taek-woon’s bangs aside and pushed on his chest for emphasis, giving him a thumbs up. “Don’t let me catch you hiding!”  
  
“Okay…”  
  
They all headed out together, Saet-byul still hiding but stealing glances whenever the other boy wasn’t looking. Taek-woon must live in Seoul; halfway to their bus stop he parted with them, barely giving them a wave before scurrying away.  
  
It wasn’t until they were safe in their own home that Saet-byul jumped out and slapped his stomach lightly, frowning. “That man was so scary,” she whispered. He laughed out loud as he merely wrapped his arm around her shoulder and led her to their room.  
  
“I told you he’s my friend. What part of him was so scary?”  
  
“He looked so angry…I was afraid he was going to hurt me.”  
  
“Hey,” he said, helping Saet-byul take off her backpack and blazer, “don’t tell him that, okay? He’s actually very shy.” She blinked up at him, biting her lip. “When you see him next time, make sure to smile at him okay?”  
  
“Is he really your friend?”  
  
“Of course. He’s really nice. He gave me a copy of notes for all the days I missed.” He pulled out the notebook Taek-woon had given him and showed her. She didn’t say anything for the longest time, and he had already gone to starting his own homework when she finally did speak.  
  
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t very nice to your friend.”  
  
“It’s alright. I should have told you about him first before bringing him to see you. It’s just…he reminds me of…” His voice caught before he could utter his name, though Saet-byul seemed to understand as she placed her books aside and climbed up to hug him from behind. “He used to act just like that…he’s just like Seok-jinnie.”  
  
  
  
The next day, he was shocked at what was sitting at Taek-woon’s desk, and it seemed he wasn’t the only one, the whole class in a hushed silence. Instead of the usual hair in eyes and hunched shoulders, a confident looking Taek-woon sat in his place. His hair was gelled up in a spiked fashion, dyed a surprisingly bright red. Instead of his neat uniform, the blazer was unbuttoned and the shirt slightly ruffled. That same hard glare that had originally forced them to talk turned and landed on him, and the cute smile broke out.  
  
Despite the shocking transformation, he was still Taek-woon underneath.  
  
He laughed as he ran to his seat and sat down next to the other, clapping him on the back. “Look at you Taek-woonie! You look so handsome!”  
  
“T-thank you,” he whispered out, his voice still soft and barely audible.  
  
“And look at this! You dyed your hair! It looks so cool!” Taek-woon gave a nervous laugh, his eyes glancing at his own silver hair, and he realized the reason for the color. It only made him cuter as he pinched his cheek, deciding it best not to ruffle the other’s immaculately styled hair. “I’m so proud of you!”  
  
“Stop it,” he hissed as he pushed his hand away, hurriedly looking away, conscious of all the stares on them. He chuckled to himself as class started, sneaking glances at the overly self-conscious Taek-woon.  
  
He really was cute.  
  
“Come with me to see Saet-byul!” he offered after class, watching as the boy nearly cried out at the sudden hug he gave him. “She wants to apologize for yesterday. Please don’t make my Byullie sad.” He could see the rejection on the tip of the other’s tongue, though at the mention of Saet-byul he hesitated. “Please? She doesn’t have her tutoring today.”  
  
In the end, he was nearly skipping as he dragged an indignant Taek-woon by the arm to Saet-byul’s classroom. There were still a couple students in the room with her when they arrived, and he couldn’t hide the smile growing on his lips when he saw Hyuk sitting next to her. The boy was so obviously infatuated with her it was adorable. Not that he would let him do anything with her. Not until Saet-byul was ready.  
  
“N!” she called out, jumping out her seat and running to grab him in a hug. She noticed belatedly Taek-woon was behind them, her eyes widening at the sight of his change. He wouldn’t blame her; Taek-woon looked vastly different from what he did yesterday. He never did expect the boy to take his words to heart so quickly. “H-hello.”  
  
“H-hi.”  
  
“Hello sunbae.” He looked up to see Hyuk bowing to him, and the only thing he could think of was the kid was a cute suck up. Saet-byul eventually pulled away and stood next to Hyuk, picking her fingernails.  
  
“Hello Hyukkie,” he said with a wave, inwardly giggling at how both of their faces reddened like tomatoes. “Were you waiting with Saet-byul?” Hyuk’s face turned an even darker shade of red, stealing a glance at Saet-byul before staring at his feet. Too. Cute.  
  
“You can call me hyung,” he said casually, a small giggle escaping his lips at their mirroring shocked look. He turned to Taek-woon. “You can call me hyung too!”  
  
“No,” the other said simply, his eyes narrowing into what he could only guess as a real glare. Well, technically he was older than all of them, though they didn’t know that. He wasn’t even sure Saet-byul knew his real age.  
  
Even he was starting to forget.


	16. Chapter 16

She peeked up through her bangs to look at N’s scary friend, the apologies she had practiced with Hyuk earlier stuck on the tip of her tongue. Why did he look so scary today? Yesterday, he looked okay, the only thing really scaring her was his eyes. But today, he looked so tall, his eyes looking so angry, and she found her tongue refusing to speak.  
  
Hyuk sent her a smile as he prodded her forward, and she ducked her head when all their eyes landed on her. She cleared her throat, throwing her hands behind her as she attempted to wipe her clammy hands on the back of her skirt. “I…I-I’m sorry a-about yesterday…”  
  
“You don’t have to be sorry,” he said softly. She actually liked his voice; it was soft and friendly like her mother’s used to be when she was little. She just couldn’t understand why such a nice voice had such a frightening face. She couldn’t look him in the eyes, and she just knew N wanted her to say more. But how could she ignore his friend when he cried to her yesterday that he reminded him of Seok-jin? She knew, she knew more than N probably did, how damaged he was after Seok-jin’s death. She never again wanted to relive the broken N that had sat on the main room floor, his eyes never leaving that spot and his cheeks tear-stained.  
  
She wanted N to be happy.  
  
So as much as his friend wanted to make her cry and hide, she was going to be nice to him for N’s sake.  
  
N’s face scrunched up as he nudged his friend, the smile that she had missed on his face. “Hey, stop that. You’re scaring her.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
She reached out and took his hand, telling him silently that they needed to go home, and she could see his face crumble. He looked up sullenly at his friend, his shoulders slumping as he said in a cracked voice, “We have to head home, I’ll see you tomorrow-”  
  
“We can stay,” she said hurriedly, clocking his horrified look and knowing deep down that what she was saying was wrong. Her mother wanted her _home_ the moment classes were done; she had nearly exploded on them when she first came back from her tutoring. Her mother, despite her leaving all the time, could not handle when she wasn’t home. She could only imagine what her mother would do, what her mother would do to _N_ , if they didn’t come home.  
  
But she didn’t want to see N’s sad face on the way home.  
  
She wanted his smile.  
  
“I’ll just tell her I have tutoring today.”  
  
“Saet-byul,” he said, his eyes betraying his calm posture to show her how truly frightened he was of that idea.  
  
“I’ll tell her, don’t worry.” She took his hand in hers and smiled as brightly as she could, masking her own fear. “You can stay and play with your friend.” N opened his mouth to say something when his friend cut him off.  
  
“You don’t have to stay if you can’t. It’s fine.”  
  
“I want to,” she said in the best voice she could, knowing N really did want to stay; and despite what he knew to be right, he couldn’t deny her. He breathed out heavily before slapping on a forced smile, looking over to his friend.  
  
“Well…she wants to hang out for a bit. Can you do that?” His friend paused for a second before nodding, a small smile on his lips. His smile…it wasn’t so scary. Hyuk nudged her slightly from behind, and it took her a second to calm her racing heart before turning to look at him. He didn’t say anything, probably also scared of N and his friend, but she knew what he wanted. She fought to keep her cheeks from reddening as she nodded, inwardly beaming at how happy he was.  
  
They stood there in silence for a few moments before N cleared his throat. “Well, Saet-byul and I aren’t from Seoul, so you guys will have to show us some places to go. What’s a place you go to after class?”  
  
“You’re not from Seoul sunb- I mean, hyung?” She wasn’t sure why they were so surprised by that, though she remembered that N used to go to school back in their hometown. She guessed you were supposed to go to schools in your town. They talked with N about places they could go, really she wasn’t sure what a ‘park’ or ‘arcade’ was, but when she saw that N was excited about them, they must be good places.  
  
In the end, N decided they should go to the park, since there would be less people. She liked that.  
  
As they walked, with N and his friend in the front, she caught Hyuk staring at her, the boy’s face reddening. “S-sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’m just not used to seeing you with gray hair.”  
  
She fingered her long, gray hair quietly, biting her lip. “Do you not like it?”  
  
“N-no! I-it’s not that. Just…did you and sunbae dye your hair together?”  
  
“He said to call him hyung,” she said without thinking, berating herself when she saw him pull back. “But yes, we colored our hair together.” Hyuk didn’t know about why she and N missed those two weeks; didn’t know about how broken N was just a few days ago. She wasn’t going to tell him why it was so special to have their hair colored.  
  
She didn’t want Hyuk to know a lot of things…but she wanted to tell him so much.  
  
“We’re here!” N exclaimed, bringing her out of her thoughts as he reached back and grabbed her hand. “Isn’t it pretty Saet-byul?”  
  
Her eyes widened at the sight of the tall trees in front of her, the bright green grass tickling her skin. So this was what a park was? It was so pretty; she loved how there weren’t many people here, that it was so pretty and she could see it all by herself. She looked up at N excitedly, squeezing his hand, and he knew she liked it.  
  
She held N’s hand as they all walked around the park, her spending most of her time looking at all the pretty flowers everywhere. There were flowers in their backyard, though those weren’t as pretty as these. They usually died too.  
  
“Do you want ice-cream?” N asked, and she paused, not knowing what that was. She followed his finger to see him pointing at something someone was eating, and guessed it was food. She nodded hesitantly and he smiled, patting her hand. “Stay here, they’re too many people over there and I don’t want to scare you. Taek-woonie here will watch you, okay?” She forced herself to smile for him while deep down inside she trembled, her body stiffening when she saw his friend’s shadow loom over her.  
  
“Here, let’s sit down. It’s hot under the sun.” She flinched under his touch, shying away towards Hyuk. N’s friend noticed, pulling his hand back, awkwardly motioning towards a bench. Hyuk gave her a reassuring push and she hesitantly followed the older boy to the shade of the trees.  
  
She sat in the middle with Hyuk and N’s friend by her side. While Hyuk was completely fine by her side, N’s friend fidgeted while glancing at her every so often. Finally, when she looked up at him to say something, he blurted,  
  
“Are you scared of me?” That got both her and Hyuk’s attention, her face reddening as she tried to think of a nice way to say yes. She must have taken too long to answer, his face crumbling as he drew in on himself, much like herself.  
  
“Y-your eyes are scary.”  
  
A hand reached up and brushed his eyelid, his cheeks puffing out. “I’m not that scary am I?”  
  
“You’re not that bad,” Hyuk offered, smiling as he leaned forward. “I have a cousin who looks way scarier than you. Compared to him you look really nice.”  
  
“Is that a compliment?”  
  
“Er…yes?”  
  
“You…you can call me oppa if it will make you feel more comfortable.” Hyuk spluttered at that, though she just sent him a confused look.  
  
“What does oppa mean?” They both fell silent, N’s friend’s face going an even darker shade of red and Hyuk decided it best if he explained.  
  
“It means older brother. But you could call guys older than you that too to show how close you are.”  
  
“You’re older than me, so would I call you oppa too?”  
  
“W-what? No! W-we’re close enough in age, so we don’t have to. But you would call him and Woo-jin hyung that.” She followed Hyuk’s finger to see N’s friend continuing to look at her expectantly, and she realized he was still waiting for her to say something. She was supposed to say it with boys she was close with, but Hyuk didn’t count because he was too close in age with her, but she wasn’t close with any boys but N, yet this boy here wanted her to call him that…her head whirled as she tried to make sense of it all. He seemed nice, and he was N’s friend, so even though she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, she wrung her hands together as she muttered out a weak,  
  
“O-oppa…”  
  
“W-what?!” They all snapped their heads up to see N bringing back ice-cream, his eyes locked on her as he tried not to drop the food. She brightened as she ran up to his side, shaking him.  
  
“They told me to call you oppa. So does that mean I call you N-oppa?”  
  
“Hey! What are you teaching her?” he demanded to his friend, juggling the ice-cream in one hand as he pointed at the other accusingly. Both boys spluttered as they tried to reassure him that wasn’t what they meant when she spoke up again.  
  
“So I’m not supposed to call you that?”  
  
“It’s not that, you can call me whatever you want. I just wasn’t expecting it.” He carefully handed her the cup of ice-cream, nearly shoving the other bowls in his friend’s and Hyuk’s hands. “Here, I’ll help you eat.” He took the cup back and grabbed the spoon, scooping a small piece up before putting it in her mouth. She yelped at how cold it was, though she immediately wanted more when she tasted how sweet it was. She liked it.  
  
“So…why were they teaching you about ‘oppa’ anyway?”  
  
“Your friend asked me to call him that.” N’s head snapped to his friend, his eyes burning, and his friend hurriedly waved his arms back and forth.  
  
“I was trying to make her more comfortable. She thinks I’m scary…”  
  
“Can I call him that?” she asked, and she could see N’s hand on the spoon tighten, nearly snapping it in half. His friend looked so scared waiting for his response that she actually felt bad, his scary face actually looking so afraid.  
  
In the end, N sighed, his shoulders slumping. “You can call him that if you want. But you’re definitely _not_ allowed to call anyone else that, understand?”  
  
“Yes N!” she chirped, opening her mouth to let him give her more ice-cream. She liked it a lot. Maybe when her mother was on one of her good days, she could bring some home. She looked back to N’s friend who looked extremely relieved and smiled back at him, no longer thinking he was frightening. “Hello oppa!”  
  
N choked.  
  
“Don’t just call him oppa,” N scolded her as they all got up to leave after finishing their ice-cream, holding her hand again. She fidgeted under his stare; still not sure why he was still angry at her for calling him oppa when he had said was okay. “People might get the wrong idea if you say it that way. Say his name too; call him Taek-woon oppa.”  
  
She turned to the boy in question, blinking up at him as she tried it out. “Taek-woon oppa…?” N’s friend, Taek-woon oppa, nodded quickly at her, his hands bunching up handfuls of his coat. She turned to Hyuk, noticing his put out expression. “I really don’t call you oppa?”  
  
Hyuk opened his mouth to answer but N beat him to it. “Hyuk is the same age as you, so no. But that means you get to call him cute names. You should call him Hyukkie, I’m sure he’ll love that.” N was grinning so excitedly, and Hyuk’s face was reddening so much; she giggled at his reaction.  
  
“Would you like it if I called you Hyukkie?”  
  
“W-w-what? I-I…you..y-you…uh… _you can call me Hyukkie!_ ” She laughed at how flustered he got, both Taek-woon oppa and N chortling as they tried to cover their mouths. That seemed to embarrass Hyuk more; he refused to look at her after that.  
  
“Well, Saet-byul and I better not stay out too much longer. If we get home later than her tutoring usually goes, her mom is going to throw a fit. Say goodbye Saet-byul.” She waved enthusiastically at the two, grinning brilliantly.  
  
“Goodbye Taek-woon oppa! Bye Hyukkie!”  
  
Both of their faces reddened that time.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
“Where the hell were you two?” was what they were greeted with the moment they stepped inside, her mother waiting for them with the iron rod in hand. N instinctively stepped in front of her.  
  
“She had tutoring today. It went a little longer than usual, so we’ve only just got back.”  
  
Her mother’s eyes narrowed, her hand around the rod tightening. “And exactly how long will she have this tutoring?”  
  
“Until her test grades go up. They don’t trust me with teaching her at home, it’ll only be when she gets better.” Her mother didn’t particularly like that answer, stalking right up to N’s face, the rod dangerously close to his face. She huffed and glared for so long that she was sure she figured out they had stayed out playing. She gripped N’s coat tightly as she stared up at her mother, and could feel her heart hammering in her throat when she finally did step away.  
  
“Tell them I don’t like her being gone for so long. Tell them to shorten it.”  
  
“They’re only an hour long. I doubt they’ll-”  
  
“I don’t _care_ what they think. Tell them I said so.”  
  
“…yes.” She and N glared at each other for a little while longer, almost as if they were having a silent argument, when she finally looked away. N took that moment to take her hand and drag her to their room, slamming the door shut and letting out a sigh of relief. She hesitated in sharing his enthusiasm, having seen the sad look on her mother’s face.  
  
Despite her mother scaring her on more than one occasion, she and her mother used to be extremely close. She had spent the first thirteen years of her life only knowing her mother; it hurt that while she was growing to love N with all her heart, she and her mother were growing apart.  
  
“We probably shouldn’t do that again,” N advised as he collapsed onto the bed. “I don’t think she’ll let us go a second time.”  
  
“I know,” she said as she padded over and plopped down on his stomach, her face inches from his. “But I liked playing with you, Taek-woon oppa, and Hyukkie.”  
  
“Are you really going to continue calling him Hyukkie?” N asked excitedly and she giggled.  
  
“He said I could. He seemed to really like it.” She paused for a while, thinking over, before she poked his chest cautiously. “Do you really not like it when I call your friend oppa?”  
  
“Oh, it’s not that I didn’t like it. I don’t trust you with any guys; guys are bad. Hyukkie is okay because he’s just adorable and I know he won’t hurt you. But Taek-woon is okay I guess. He’s a real softie and if there’s anyone I guess he’s fine. But I’m super serious when I say you can’t call anyone else that.”  
  
“So I can’t call my tutor that?”  
  
“Hell no!”  
  
She jumped at the curse, haven’t hearing him curse since the first time they met, though she just giggled at his heated response. “Why not? He’s older than me too, right?”  
  
“Only call them that if you’re close with them. Are you telling me you’re about to go and start giving that guy hugs?” Her nose wrinkled at that, the idea not even plausible in her mind, and it was N’s turn to laugh. “So unless you’re okay with hugging any guy out there, don’t say it.”  
  
“Can I call you that?”  
  
He didn’t even hesitate when he shook his head, his smile waning slightly. “You don’t call dolls oppa. Just N is fine.”  
  
She pouted, her body slumping. “That’s not fair. There’s a lot of things I can’t do with you.”  
  
“Hey, there’s a _lot_ of things you do with me. For one, you hug me more than you’ll probably hug anyone in your life. Two, you and I sleep in the same bed. Now _that,_ you better not let me catch you do with anyone else. Three, we live together. You’ll never do that with someone else.”  
  
“But what if I marry?”  
  
“Marry?” he parroted, surprised.  
  
“Like how Mommy must have married Daddy to have me, right? Mommy told me that you have to have sex in order to have a baby, so I have to marry right? Wouldn’t that person live with me?”  
  
“W-wait,” he called out, sitting up; she rolled unceremoniously off his lap and onto the bed, looking up at him upside down. “Your mother wouldn’t teach you math and reading, but she’ll teach you about sex?”  
  
“She said one day I’ll have to marry. That’s what…” She trailed off, not wanting to say any more knowing it would only upset him. He was so happy right now, teasing her, and she loved it. She would never do anything again to upset him. “That’s what Mommy said.”  
  
He snorted, shaking his head as he grabbed his backpack and pulled out his books. “I’ll never understand your mom. You two are the weirdest people.” She stuck her tongue out as she followed suit, climbing over so she right next to him. He shook his head at her before grabbing her scheduler, flipping through the pages. “You didn’t meet that useless tutor of yours today, so we’ll have to work on your homework together.”  
  
“He’s not useless,” she mumbled as she laid out her books. He gaped noiselessly at her, his face making her laugh out loud.  
  
“D-don’t defend him!”  
  
“But Won-shik oppa helped me figure out quadratic equations! He’s very helpful.”  
  
She thought N’s head would have exploded from how hard he seemed to be trying to compute what she said. It took a good minute before he was able to say anything audible, stuttering so hard she thought he would burst. It took all her willpower to keep a straight face.  
  
“W-w- _what?_ _What!_ D-d-did you j-just…you…!” His hands flew around as he tried to make sense of what she said, finally just slapping the bed. _“Did you just call him oppa?”_ She snorted, unable to contain her laughter anymore and that seemed to make him even more flustered. “You _can’t_ call him that!”  
  
“Don’t worry N, I won’t call him that again. I was only teasing.”  
  
“Don’t tease me again,” he gasped out, collapsing tiredly against the wall. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”  
  
“Don’t worry; I won’t call him Won-shik oppa anymore.”  
  
 _“Saet-byul!”_


	17. Chapter 17

She nearly fell over as she stumbled backwards, her eyes locked on the extra body sitting next to her tutor the next day. Her tutor merely raised an eyebrow at her as he leaned back in his chair, though the boy next to him waved at her excitedly. “Is this the girl you were talking about? Oh my god, she’s adorable!”  
  
“Calm down hyung, I think you’re scaring the piss out of her.”  
  
At that the boy immediately stopped waving, instead giving her a tentative smile. “Hello, I’m Won-shik’s friend, Jae-hwan.” It took her a few seconds to gather herself before standing up, her shaking hand closing the door behind her. The boy grinned even wider, motioning for her to sit. “Don’t be shy, I don’t bite.”  
  
She looked to her tutor for an explanation, and his only response was a shrug. “He wanted to come. And really, I should have someone on my side whenever your brother decides to come in here and glare me to death.”  
  
“Did you dye your hair by yourself?” the boy continued on as if her tutor never spoke. “You look so cute with silver hair! Wow, how did you manage to get such a cutie for your tutoring? I got this kid that looks like he could beat me up.”  
  
“Hyung, this is my tutoring session. You can’t keep talking or I’ll have to kick you out.”  
  
“Sorry, sorry. Though, I am excited to see this so-called scary brother of hers. Did you hear? Wonnie here said he could shoot lasers from his eyes!”  
  
“Hyung!” Her tutor quickly slapped a hand over his friend’s mouth, stuttering out a quick, “Sit down!” She scrambled to her seat, pulling the chair closer to the tutor and farther away from his pouting friend, and gave her books to him. She fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat the entire time her tutor read through her notes; she was highly aware of his friend’s eyes locked on her. The way he looked at her was worse than Taek-woon oppa.  
  
“Are you sure this is all you have?” Her tutor glanced over her book and she shrunk even smaller, hating the scrutinizing look he was giving her. She forced herself to nod.  
  
“Hey, stop staring at her like that. And you said I scared her.”  
  
“You don’t get it hyung. You try teaching this girl; it’s almost impossible! She just sits there crying the whole time.”  
  
“Well, if you didn’t stare at her like you want to bite her head off, maybe you’d actually get somewhere. Here, let me try this.” His friend snatched her scheduler out his hand, reading it for a short time before looking back up at her with his wide smile. “What was your name again?” She peeked up at her tutor to see him uselessly throw his hands in the air, turning his chair away from her.  
  
“Y-Yoon Saet-byul…” Her tutor snapped his head towards her, surprised she’d spoken. His friend, on the other hand, smirked gloatingly.  
  
“I know Wonnie here is pretty scary, but I’m not at all,” he said in the sweetest voice, and she felt a small part of her body relaxing. “Now, can you tell me what part of this do you find hard?”  
  
“Math,” she said automatically, and the boy nodded as he fished out her math textbook.  
  
“Alright, let me see. Wonnie marked that you’re on chapter five…ah, okay, this part? Okay, well, first…”  
  
This boy was much kinder when he taught her, and even though he quizzed her as many times as her tutor did, he did so in a nicer way. He didn’t snap at her when she said the wrong thing, and he would only laugh when she got the wrong answer. He would make silly jokes that only made him laugh when teaching, but those silly jokes actually helped her remember. In about half the usual time, she finished her whole math assignment, and she couldn’t wait to shove all her books in her bag. The boy chuckled at how enthusiastic she was at leaving.  
  
“And where are you in such a rush to go to?”  
  
“She’s running off to her brother,” her tutor quipped, glaring at the two of them, irritated that he had sat in the corner sulking the entire time. “She can’t get out of her fast enough.”  
  
“Well, with you having this dark aura around you, I’d be running too.”  
  
“Hyung!” His friend childishly stuck his tongue out, and her tutor looked like he was about to hit him when he just sighed frustratingly. “Ah, that’s right, Saet-byul.” She froze, hands just about to clip her bag closed. “Did something happen at home?” She stared incomprehensively and he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. “I mean, you didn’t come for over two weeks. Usually the tutoring would be cancelled by then-”  
  
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, and that caught both of their attention. “Nothing-”  
  
They all jumped when the door suddenly slammed open, her face brightening at the sight of N. She bounded over to his side, very much aware of the hard glare sent to the other boys’ direction. “Don’t ask her useless questions,” N snapped, his arm snaking around her shoulder and pulling her behind him. Her tutor only managed a small, ‘yes’ before he herded her out of there, slamming the door behind them.  
  
She suppressed a giggle when she could hear her tutor’s friend scream, _“Holy shit that guy was terrifying!”_  
  
\--  
  
She liked Hyuk and Taek-woon oppa, and she liked the time she spent with them after classes. Granted, she would never go anywhere with them if N wasn’t with her, but she still enjoyed her time with them. She got to learn so much from them; they taught her what a cell phone was and how to use it to call people. Taek-woon oppa let her use his phone to call Hyuk, and she thought it was the greatest thing ever. She could talk to people without being in front of them?  
  
They took her somewhere called a coffee shop, and even though N was thoroughly against it, they let her try coffee. She didn’t like it at first, it was very bitter, so Hyuk let her try his, and she loved it. She didn’t understand why N thought it was cute that she and Hyuk shared a drink, though she did like how Hyuk’s face grew bright red. Hyuk, at one point, offered to go to an amusement park after class, though she noticed how N’s face fell and he grew quiet. She had to be the one to tell Hyuk it wasn’t a very good idea.  
  
The only time she had gone, Seok-jin had been with them.  
  
She could barely contain her excitement as she stared up at the two tall figures of N and Taek-woon oppa, N having told her they would be going somewhere special today. He wouldn’t tell her what it was, though it seemed he’d told Taek-woon oppa, the two having been whispering to each other beforehand. She had grown to really like Taek-woon oppa; he was a lot quieter than N, and he never asked her questions to force her to talk. He never made her feel as comfortable as N did, but his quiet presence did comfort her.  
  
“It’s too bad Hyukkie couldn’t come with us today,” N said as he turned to look at her, once again frowning when his attempt at teasing her about Hyuk got nothing out of her. She instead ran up in between him and Taek-woon oppa, taking both of their hands in hers.  
  
“Hey!” N snapped, pointing at her and Taek-woon oppa’s hand, “What are you doing, carelessly holding another man’s hand?”  
  
“But I like holding Taek-woon oppa’s hand.” Taek-woon oppa sent N a small smirk, his hand tightening.  
  
“That won’t do!” N shouted, leaning over and yanking her hand out of Taek-woon oppa’s. “You can’t go around holding men’s hands! Men are bad!”  
  
“But Taek-woon oppa is nice. Why can’t I hold his hand?”  
  
“No! I won’t allow it!”  
  
She stuck her tongue out at him playfully before taking Taek-woon oppa’s hand again. N spluttered uselessly before glaring at Taek-woon oppa, the other boy smirking innocently. She giggled as she brought both boys’ hands to her cheeks, reveling in how warm their hands were.  
  
She missed the gentle looks the boys sent her.

  
  
She froze at the sight of the store in front of her, being very aware of the number of people in the building. N seemed to realize her anxiety, pulling back and moving to her side, placing a hand calmly on her back. “It’s alright,” he said softly, “you won’t have to talk to anybody here. Just stand next to me, okay?”  
  
“Where are we?” she whispered, leaning into his comforting arms for support.  
  
He smiled. “We’re going to buy you a present.” She glanced over at Taek-woon oppa to see him wearing a matching grin. She wasn’t sure what kind of present this would be that would make her have to go inside, but she trusted N. He would never bring her anywhere that would harm her, and if he was this excited to bring her here, it had to be safe. So even though her insides were screaming no, she nodded her head and allowed them to bring her inside.  
  
She nearly squealed when a woman ran up to them, bowing slightly as she greeted them warmly. She watched in amazement as N easily spoke with her.  
  
“We’re here to buy a cellphone.”  
  
“I see. Please come this way.” She guided them past the group of people talking at the counter, coming to another, empty counter. She stepped behind it, still smiling, as she waved her hand over the glass. “These are all of our newest models. If you sign up for a plan with us today, we can give you a discount.”  
  
“Actually, we were just going to buy simple basic phones.” Whatever that meant, it must have upset the woman because her smile slipped slightly. The woman recovered quickly though, forcing a smile as she moved to the very edge of the display, motioning towards a small phone.  
  
“This is the only basic phone we have. It can only call and text. There are no discounts with this phone-”  
  
“That’s fine,” N said, cutting her off and making her frown again. “We’ll take two of those.” The woman didn’t seem to be completely happy with his choice, but nevertheless going under the counter and pulling out two phones. Taek-woon oppa frowned at them.  
  
“Woo-jin, if you need money, I can-”  
  
“It’s fine,” N cut him off. “This money was hard-earned; I don’t want to have to borrow from anyone else.”  
  
“Where did you get the money?” she asked, curious. Her mother never gave them money.  
  
“You don’t need to worry about that,” he said calmly, patting her head. He turned back to the woman. “How much longer will it take?”  
  
“Not too much longer, I just have to insert the SIM card.” N, huffing, sat down on the nearby stool, reaching out and pulling her onto his lap, wrapping his hands around her waist. She stole a glance at Taek-woon oppa, the other standing alone silently with his hands in his pockets. She wanted to say something to him, to make him smile as easily as N does, but felt her tongue become heavy, her sweaty hands grabbing N’s for support. He noticed.  
  
“Are you alright Saet-byul?” N whispered into her ear, and she responded with a curt nod.  
  
“Alright, it’s finished. Now, this one is yours, sir, and this one is yours.” N took both phones from the woman, gently placing it in her hands.  
  
“Thank you,” N bowed his head, she hurriedly copied him, and got up, patting Taek-woon oppa on the shoulder. “Let’s go.”  
  
She jogged to catch up to their long strides, forcing her hand into N’s while she gripped her new phone to her chest.  
  
“You did great.” N gushed, reaching over and pinching her cheeks. “I’m proud of you.” Her heart swelled with pride. “Here, let’s stop at the park, we should check out your new phone.” While Taek-woon oppa thought it only was excitement in his voice, she knew better. They would never be able to take them out in front of her mother.  
  
They sat down on the bench that they had labeled as their bench, her sitting on N’s lap and Taek-woon oppa relegated to sitting on the side.  
  
“Saet-byul,” Taek-woon oppa said suddenly, both of them surprised he had spoken. “Let me see your phone.” She hesitated before handing her phone over, watching carefully as he flipped it open and pressed a button. Instantly it lit up, and she couldn’t help but breathe out in amazement.  
  
“Hey! I can do that too!” N whined as he held up his own for her and did the same thing, his screen lighting up. She clapped for him, and he smiled brilliantly as he shifted her on his lap. She watched as N showed her the different features of the phone; she was so engrossed in watching that she nearly shrieked when Taek-woon oppa shoved her phone back in her face.  
  
“T-thank you, Taek-woon oppa,” she stuttered, the other boy turning red and shoving his face into his own phone.  
  
“Now that he’s done, let me put my number in your phone,” N continued, taking her phone. “That way, if something happens, you can call me and- hey! Jung Taek-woon, what is your phone number doing here?”  
  
Taek-woon blinked up at him, the shy look he’d given her gone. “I put it there.”  
  
“Yeah, b-but why’d you list yourself as ‘Oppa’?”  
  
“Because that’s what she calls me.”  
  
N opened his mouth to say something but eventually shut it, his eyebrows crossed and a pout on his lips as he angrily put his number into her phone. “What happened to the cute Taek-woonie who would write notes for me?”  
  
“You told me to change.”  
  
“Yeah, but who said to change this fast? You’re like a different person!” Neither missed the shocked, almost hurt expression that passed over the other’s face, and N quickly backtracked. “I mean, if I knew you were going to hit on my innocent Byullie, I wouldn’t have said anything!”  
  
The hurt look changed to one of annoyance, the other going back to his phone. “You’re the one assuming I’m hitting on her.”  
  
N stuck his tongue out at him, earning a giggle from her, and handed the phone back to her. “Okay, I’m going to call you.” He pressed a couple buttons on his phone and suddenly her phone lit up, saying she had a call coming in from N. She excitedly pressed the answer button, bringing it to her ear. “Is this Saet-byul?” she heard asked in both ears, the phone speaker tickling her ear.  
  
“Yes!” she shouted, turning to see N snickering at her. Taek-woon oppa chuckled next to her.  
  
“Now you can talk to me whenever you want, even if I’m not with you.”  
  
She panicked at his wording, whirling around. “Are you going somewhere?”  
  
“Of course not,” he laughed, tapping her nose with his free hand. “This is just for emergencies.” Comforted, she jumped down from his lap and sat on the opposite side of Taek-woon oppa. She leaned away from both of them, her hand cupped over her mouth as she hissed,  
  
“Can you hear me?”  
  
That time they both laughed out loud.  
  
\--  
  
She couldn’t have been happier when she and N arrived home, though they both froze at the sight of her mother sitting by the fireplace, the heat from the fire making the place almost unbearably hot in the warming spring air. Her mother smiled at them, her fingers in the middle of making a doll.  
  
“You two are finally home,” she said pleasantly, her eyes never leaving them as she tugged the string tight, the needle glinting in the sun’s glare. They both sensed something was very wrong, and N stepped in front of her, her fearfully clinging onto the back of his shirt. Her mother noticed the motion and her eyes narrowed.  
  
“Sorry, her tutoring ran a little late.”  
  
“I see,” she said slowly, the briefest flash of anger crossing over her face before disappearing almost as quickly. “You know, I’m not as stupid as you think. I can call the school…and I can find out that you only have tutoring twice a week.” She gasped as her heart dropped like a brick into the pit of her stomach, her hands shaking. Her mother continued on as if nothing was the matter, cutting the string with her teeth. “Your friends look nice. What were their names again? Hyukkie and Taek-woon, am I right?”  
  
No, no no no no! This wasn’t supposed to happen! Her mother wasn’t supposed to find about her friends! N surprisingly managed to stay calm, though his hand slipped behind him and brushed hers.  
  
“They’re not our friends,” he said slowly, his voice void of emotion. “They’re just-”  
  
“Don’t give me that,” she snapped, slamming down the incomplete doll onto the table next to her, her eyes lighting up. “I’ve seen you go with them to your coffee shops and parks. I’ve seen you let that filthy boy touch my daughter!”  
  
She shrieked when her mother shot over and knocked N away, grabbing her wrist and yanking her forward. She cried out when she slapped her cheek hard, slapping again and again until her world spun and her ears rung. She barely registered her backpack being snatched until she squinted past the stars to see her holding N’s doll in her hand. She blanched.  
  
“No! Mommy, please! I was wrong! I’m sorry! Please don’t take N away!”  
  
“I’ve given the two of you too much freedom,” she hissed, squeezing N’s doll in her hand, causing him to cough out painfully. “Your punishment is I’ll be taking your doll away.”  
  
She crawled forward as she tugged on the hem of her mother’s skirt, begging. “Please Mommy, please don’t take N from me.”  
  
“You should have thought of that before playing around,” her mother reprimanded, kicking her away with her foot. “Now go to your room before I punish him further.” She glanced over to N to see him pale white, one hand holding his chest as he struggled to breathe. She swallowed heavily as she crawled over to his side, kissing his cheek; begrudgingly going to her room. She stole one last glance of her beloved N before disappearing down the hallway.  
  
She could only pray her mother wouldn’t hurt him too badly.


	18. Chapter 18

“Get down, you bastard,” she cursed as she shoved him to the floor; he gasped as his arms brushed the dirt ground. When he didn’t hear anything else from her, he hesitantly pulled the blindfold down.  
  
He paled.  
  
This…was this the dreaded basement? This was where she had kept his little brother for who knows how long? His lips trembled as he took in the sights of the multitude of cages that circled around him, his stomach twisting terribly at the fact that there was somebody in each of them. Their eyes were locked on him, the dead, wide eyes stoically watching him. He quivered. Were these…were these her dolls? He turned his head slightly, and his face turned even paler at the sight of the cop strung up by his arms, barely conscious as his half-lidded eyes met his.  
  
He opened his mouth to scream when she growled dangerously, grabbing a fistful of his hair and yanking his head side to side. He gasped for air when she shoved his face into the dirt, thrashing around when he inhaled pebbles and dirt.  
  
“How _dare_ you,” she hissed, giving him one last shove before standing up. “You had one task. One. Fucking. Task.” He struggled to turn his head to see her walk to the lone table, her hands reaching out and lifting something. His doll. He forced himself to get on his knees, his body still sore from the rough way she handled his doll when she slammed him back down, his whole body smarting. “Don’t even think of moving.”  
  
He heard the screech of metal scarping metal echoing against the hollow cages, and he looked up to see her holding what looked like a giant needle. She held it up for him to see, a maniacal grin growing on her lips as she showed it off. “Do you like it? I keep this especially for my dolls.” She set his doll down on the table as she popped open a box, searching through it until she pulled out a roll of tape. She continued speaking as she began to tape the handle, her movements slow and deliberate as if taunting him.  
  
“Did you think you were special?” she asked. “That you never had to come down here, did Seok-jinnie ever tell you how lucky you were?”  
  
“I-”  
  
“My only regret is you never got to hear little Seok-jinnie’s screams as I beat him and pierced his skin.” He barely had a chance to look up when she abruptly stabbed the needle into his doll’s stomach, coughing blood when it felt like his stomach was being ripped apart from the inside. He cried out as he rolled onto his side, blubbering as he cradled his stomach. “I trusted you! I trusted you would take care of my daughter!”  
  
She rammed the needle into the doll’s eye, and he could only cackle breathlessly as he slammed his head into the ground, trying fruitlessly to stop the pain. He didn’t have to look at her to feel her jam the needle back in his eye, twisting violently. He felt blood rushing down his nose, and even though he wanted to move his hands to check, his brain refused to feel the remnants of his eyes. He was too scared to feel the empty sockets. He was frozen as she stabbed his back, that goddamn needle sending painful spikes up his spine.  
  
“That stupid girl can’t even punish you properly. You thought her pounding you with her little fists was painful, did you? You pathetic boy.”  
  
He heard another clank of metal; though this time he couldn’t even roll his head over to see. He waited with bated breath, trying to ready himself for whatever she could possibly do next. “Do you know how much they want me to kill you? How much they beg me to spill your blood?”  
  
He _screamed_ when he felt something sharp pierce his leg, and he forced himself to look at her again, not even able to make a sound at the sight of a knife embedded into his doll’s leg. His hand shot out and held his throbbing leg, his heart racing erratically when he felt blood tricking down and an actual hole in his leg.  
  
“They haven’t ordered me to kill since Saet-byul’s birth, but then you came around. I should’ve just killed you. You were never fit to be Saet-byul’s doll.”  
  
She drug the knife slowly down his leg, and he retched all over himself when he felt his leg splitting open. Saliva dripped down his chin as she leisurely walked over to him, taking her time as she knelt down in front of him, her face hovering over his. “I’m going to kill you. But don’t worry, I won’t yet. I have to make sure my daughter has a proper doll before then.”  
  
“S-stop, please-” He snapped his mouth shut when the knife shot out, stopping inches from his face. Neither moved for the longest time, the only sound being his heavy breathing and muffled sobs; when she suddenly giggled, jabbing the point of the knife into his cheek. He didn’t dare make a sound, biting down hard on his lip until he felt the taste of warm iron.  
  
“Do you have any ideas for a proper doll? I doubt another one will willingly walk through the door as stupidly as you.” She pulled the knife out of his face as she traced the side of his cheek, effectively wiping his blood away. “That Hyukkie seemed to have taken a liking to her, I’m sure he would take care of her.”  
  
No, not Hyuk! He was still so young; he would never be able to survive as a doll. She would kill him. She saw the fear in his eyes and cackled. “But he looks a little too naïve; I’m not so sure he’ll be able to do much. But that other boy, the one you’re always hanging all over, he’s perfect! He seems like he knows how to keep his mouth shut, and looks like he likes my daughter too.”  
  
 _“NO!”_ he roared, propping himself onto his elbows as he glared the best he could at her, unable to do much else.  
  
Surprisingly, instead of being irate at his outburst, she merely smiled, putting a hand on his bleeding head and ruffling his hair. “You think I’m going to listen to what you tell me? I’ll grab that Taek-woon of yours and attach him to Saet-byul. She already knows him; it’ll only be a matter of time before she’ll forget all about you. I’ll even let her keep Taek-woon’s name; it’ll only make things work faster.”  
  
 _“Don’t touch Taek-woon,”_ he hissed, his voice growly as his throat was still coated in blood and stomach acid. Her hand in his hair grabbed a fistful, yanking his head up so that his neck was bare and open. She placed the blade onto his skin, pressing ever so lightly that she only broke skin.  
  
“They really don’t like you,” she said simply, shaking her head. “They’ve never liked men at all. Hopefully your friend is a good boy; even though they hate him, I don’t want to make my daughter cry again.” She dropped his head and stood up, tossing the knife onto the table with a loud clank. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to get to you guys today,” she said sorrowfully, and it took his tired brain a second to realize she was talking to the other dolls. “Someone was very selfish and made me spend all my time with him.”  
  
None of the dolls stirred, he noticed harrowingly that none of them even blinked. She either didn’t notice or decided to ignore that, speaking as if they were all saddened by the mere idea.  
  
“I promise I’ll come back later, so don’t fret, okay?” She carelessly tossed his doll on the table before heading straight out the door, the room falling dreadfully silent the moment she was gone.  
  
He didn’t want to move. Everything hurt and the blood was starting to crust on his skin, every movement causing it to crack and burn. With only the silence and numerous unblinking eyes welcoming him, it wasn’t long before the whole weight of the situation hit him.  
  
She was going to kill him.  
  
 _He was going to die._  
  
His shaking hand shakily moved over the gash in his leg, realizing with horror that that gash was _real_ , and she had really cut him. His hand, disregarding how it only shot up more painful rivets through his body, flew to his eyes, his fingers trembling when he felt his completely intact eyeballs. He pat down his stomach, not a single scratch there nor his back. He coughed another blood-filled spit ball before rolling onto his back, the smell of his vomit burning his nostrils.  
  
“Hurry and stitch your doll.” His eyes snapped open at the sound of the foreign voice, turning his head and nearly jumping out of his skin when he saw one of the dolls pressed up against the glass. The look on his face was purely haunting, his eyes wild and dark bags pulling down the wrinkles on his face. He licked his thin, cracked lips before pressing a finger onto the glass, pointing. “Stitch your doll.”  
  
“W-wha…?”  
  
“Stitch your doll!” He scrambled over onto his stomach as he attempted to drag himself over to the table, his doll’s torn leg hanging off the edge. He winced and squeezed his eye shut as his whole leg went numb, throbs of pain washing over him. “Needle and thread in box!” He blocked out the doll’s shouts as he weakly reached up, brushing his doll’s leg enough that it tumbled to the ground. He grunted when he felt as if he’d taken the fall himself, and he reminded himself bitterly to be careful.  
  
“Chair! Chair!” He blearily noticed the lone chair and used it to prop himself up, somehow pulling himself up enough to sit on it. His vision was blurry as he felt around the table, finding the open box and haphazardly grabbing a needle and thread. “Stitch your doll!”  
  
He picked his doll up and fingered the torn stitching, heaving when he felt a ripple in his wound. Not a good idea.  
  
“Stitch your doll!”  
  
He wasn’t sure what the doll meant by ‘stitch your doll’, though a still working part of his brain reasoned he must mean stitching up the tear. So, despite his eyes growing heavier and heavier with each passing second and his leg numb, he messily stitched the tear closed.  
  
The moment he cut the thread with his teeth, he was surprised to feel the numbness in his leg go away. He immediately felt along where the wound had been, pulling up his pant leg to see the cut had closed itself, only a long, puckered scar left. He felt along the scar, feeling absolutely no pain, and his brain shut down. He was barely able to put a hand in front of his face before he toppled into the table and his entire world went black.  
  
  
  
 _“Hey…wake up…hey…how much longer are you gonna stay sleeping hyung?”_ His frazzled mind barely picked up the familiar name, his eyes throbbing as they refused to open. He was too afraid to move, too afraid to feel that unbearable pain again. _Hey! Lazy ass! Wake the fuck up!”_  
  
His eyes snapped open, and for the briefest second he could see his baby brother glaring down at him. He scrambled up, ready to grab him in his arms and never let him go, when the world stopped spinning and his brother disappeared. Instead he looked up to see a  man sitting on what looked like the remains of a couch, his long, matted hair framing his sullen face. He stared at the man for a few long seconds, waiting for him to say something else, but it was like he was a statue; he couldn’t even see his chest rising. Was he-?  
  
“He’s dead.” His head snapped to another man in the same cell, crouched in the back corner and peeking out over his knees. “He died the other night.”  
  
“W-who are you…?”  
  
The man laughed, bringing his knees down as he sneered back at him. “I’m surprised _you_ would ask that kind of question. _Hak-yeon_.” He started, not having heard his real name spoken out loud in who knows how long. He could barely remember how long it had been since he’d first stepped into this hellhole. The man clocked his reaction and chuckled, crawling forward until the sound of metal clanked, and he finally noticed wires attached to his back. “Have you already forgotten your name?”  
  
“N-no,” he stuttered, the sound of his name still ringing in his ears. He didn’t realize how much he missed just the sound of saying his name, and he fought back tears that flooded his eyes.  
  
The man’s eyes surprisingly changed to one of pity, sitting down and placing his hands over his knees. “Don’t worry, none of us remember our names. You wouldn’t be the first. “  
  
“D-did-”  
  
“We only know your name because Seok-jin used to talk about you.”  
  
He froze at the mention of his brother’s name, and he forced his tired body to crawl over to the man’s cell, gripping the bars in his hands. “You…you knew Seok-jinnie? Where did she keep him? Did she do anything to him? What-”  
  
“She didn’t do anything to him,” another voice said softly, and he looked over to see the cop trying to keep his head up, the piercings in his arms bleeding. “They told me…she left him alone.” One of the chains jostled and he hissed, his fists shaking. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry Hak-yeon ah. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you two out of here.”  
  
“I…” He scanned all the cells, now finally getting a look at all the dolls she had trapped down here. His stomach lurched at the sight. Now that he was awake, they had all come to the front of their cells to get a glimpse at him, their wide eyes almost childlike. Thanks to the hanging light over his head, he was able to see all the sick, twisted things that horrid woman had done to these men. He could feel bile rise to his mouth at the amount of wires that were pierced to their skin, scars running over their bodies and other numerous deformities. He looked away when he saw one with bones protruding out of his skin.  
  
“Why didn’t she touch Seok-jin?”  
  
“He was meant to marry Saet-byul.” He crawled over to the new speaker, pressing his hands against the glass as tears ran down his face.  
  
“What? She…she wanted to do _what_ with him?”  
  
The man stared down at him pitifully, sighing as he knelt down in front of him, placing a hand against his. “Eun-ji never grabs anyone so young. She wanted to find someone for Saet-byul.”  
  
“Then what was I for? Why did she make me a doll?”  
  
“None of us know what goes on in Eun-ji’s head. She could have grabbed you for any reason; it would have made sense to her. Though…it looks like you’ve pissed her off, she’ll probably kill you.” His hands fell to his sides in disbelief. She trapped his brother…trapped him and forced him to become a doll…just so he could marry Saet-byul? That was the only reason she kept him?  
  
“Is…is Seok-jin okay…?” His head whirled around to see a man, no, he looked barely a teenager, peering over a shard of broken glass. He could tell from the way the boy’s shoulders bled that he had tried multiple times to crawl out of the cell. The teen reached a hand out at him, his eyes lost. “She hasn’t brought him down for a long time…is he okay?”  
  
These dolls…they didn’t know Seok-jin died. They didn’t know he killed him.  
  
“Seok-jin…he’s dead.” He could barely control himself as he whispered the words, a new wave of guilt washing over him. He’d been able to distract himself from that guilt by always being with Saet-byul, showering her with the love and affection that had been meant for his brother. It had worked to some extent; he had been able to go almost back to normal. But now…  
  
The teenager’s face paled, his hands slipping away as fell back onto a small stool. He watched the boy bury his face in his hands, distorted sobs racking his body. “I knew I shouldn’t have…I should’ve stopped him.”  
  
“What do you mean?” he demanded, wobbling as he attempted to stand up and only ended up falling against the glass behind him. The man in the cell tried to catch him, slapping the glass wall uselessly and watching him carefully.  
  
“Don’t move too fast,” he said softly. “Even though your body wasn’t wounded physically, it’s still tired.” He ignored him as he shuffled across the room to where the teenager was crying, his hands shooting over the broken glass to grab him by the collar of his tattered shirt.  
  
 _“What do you mean you should’ve stopped him?”_  
  
“Seok-jin and I came into the house together,” he blubbered, his eyes full of guilt and pain. “When they dared him…I went in with him.”  
  
He felt his knees buckle and his body give out, taking both him and the boy down and scraping his arms against the sharp glass. Seok-jin hadn’t gone in alone? When the gang Seok-jin had been hanging around had run up to him, shouting that his brother hadn’t come out of the house, they’d said he’d went in alone. Never did anyone mention another boy going in with him. Not only that, but with the times he had tried asking Seok-jin about that day, Seok-jin had said he went in alone.  
  
 _Then who was this boy?_  
  
“How did you know him?” He tried his best to sound threatening, though at this point he was so exhausted his voice came out barely more than a whisper.  
  
“W-we went to school together-”  
  
“Seok-jin didn’t have any friends in school. It’s why he skipped all the time.”  
  
“I-I-”  
  
“Don’t be too hard on him,” the guy behind the glass sighed, “he’s been here long before Seok-jin. He probably doesn’t even know which way is up anymore.” He looked back over to the boy to see him still blubbering, tears and snot running down his face.  
  
“You said she doesn’t take anyone as young as Seok-jin.”  
  
“He was here way before most of us. Only Chun-pyeo knows how long exactly, but he won’t say.” He pointed with his thumb to the cell next to him, where only the back of a man was visible. His hair ran in waves down his back, and at the sight of his grungy appearance, he could only imagine how long he’d been kept here. “He and Seok-jin were in the same cage. The kid probably thinks they were lovers with the way his mind runs.”  
  
He ignored the guy’s comment as he softened his look at the boy, knowing now how long he probably suffered here and how close he had been with Seok-jin. He spoke in a softer voice, keeping it light and easy to help him calm down.  
  
“You loved Seok-jin, didn’t you,” he said softly, and the boy nodded, his hands suddenly tightening around his own so hard his nails drew blood.  “Thank you for taking care of him.”  
  
“Bin…Bin loved Seok-jin. Bin wanted to protect him...” His hands shook. He was thankful his brother had somebody with him when he was down here, even if that somebody looked like he lost his mind a long time ago. He opened his mouth to comfort the boy, one of the other guys snapping at him to quiet, when the door slammed open, everyone freezing.  
  
Her face contorted at the sight of them holding hands, and he could only hear his heart pounding in his ears as she descended upon them.


	19. Chapter 19

She hugged her pillow to her chest as she heaved, empty of sobs yet not feeling any better. She had failed to keep her doll safe, letting her mother take him away without so much as a fight. She could only imagine what she was doing to her N; she had never been allowed downstairs, but she had had nightmares when their screams echoed through the floorboards.  
  
She plugged her ears that night, refusing to hear N’s.  
  
She still heard them.  
  
She shrieked when a loud noise shot through the air, biting her hand to stop her mother from hearing. Hand still in her mouth; she frantically searched for where the noise could possibly have come from. Eventually, her eyes landed on her forgotten backpack, and inside she found her cellphone where the screen read Taek-woon oppa’s name. She panicked, unsure of what to do, before she hurriedly pressed the answer button, if only to stop its ringing.  
  
 _“Hello? Saet-byul?”_ On any other occasion she would have been ecstatic to hear his voice, but now it just made her want to cry. A small whimper escaped her lips and the other seemed to catch on immediately. _“Is everything alright?”_  
  
“Y-yes,” she stuttered out, furiously wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “W-why are you calling me?”  
  
 _“I was wondering if Woo-jin was okay. He hasn’t been to school in a few days-”_  
  
“N…N is not here right now.”  
  
 _“Where is he?”_ She didn’t reply, unable to tell him what was really happening to N. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, she wanted to do anything to save him, but she couldn’t. Despite how dear and close N had become to her, in the end he was still her doll and her mother was still her mother. She could not betray her mother like that. She must have waited too long to respond, Taek-woon oppa calling out her name again.  
  
“He’s sick. He’s asleep.” Taek-woon oppa didn’t respond right away, and she wondered if he could see through her lie.  
  
 _“Saet-byul, if something is going on and-”_  
  
“Nothing is going on!” He didn’t say anything, and she immediately felt bad for shouting. “I’m sorry, I just-” She held back a scream when the door suddenly swung open, and she barely was able to hide her phone under the blanket when her mother entered the room. Her mother smiled down at her with a tray of burnt rice and eggs in her hands, coming over and sitting on the edge of her bed.  
  
She scooted away.  
  
“You should eat something,” her mother said softly, pushing the tray towards her. When she didn’t make a move to eat, she sighed. “I know you’re upset, but this is the only way I can make sure you don’t do this again.”  
  
“I promise I won’t go anywhere after school anymore. I’ll come right home, I promise! Just…can you bring N back now?”  
  
“You know he has to be punished.”  
  
“It’s been four days, that’s long enough right? Please, will you please bring N back?”  
  
“I’ve noticed that you’ve become a lot more talkative recently,” she noted, her face hardening and the look in her eye sending shivers down her spine. “You’ve become less and less obedient. I knew he wasn’t a good doll for you.” Her mother grabbed the chopsticks and forced them into her hand, shoving it in the bowl of rice. “But it doesn’t matter how good a doll you think he is; he’s dead.”  
  
The chopsticks clattered onto the tray.  
  
“Don’t fret though, I’ll get you a better doll.”  
  
“I don’t want a new doll!” she screamed, the first time she had raised her voice to her mother. “I want N!”  
  
Her mother was nonplused with her reaction, unmoving as she shook her head. “I know you don’t want just any doll so, just for you, I’ll use one of those boys of yours. You can pick which one you like. Would you like that Hyukkie or Taek-woon?”  
  
“I don’t want either of them! I only want N!”  
  
“I told you he’s dead!” her mother shouted back, standing up and hovering over that momentarily intimidated her. Her mother was always so much bigger than her; it was why she was always so scared of her. _“I_ killed him! You can cry for him all you want but it won’t bring him back!”  
  
She burst into tears as the full weight of her mother’s words hit her like a ton of bricks, clawing at her head. No! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO! N couldn’t be dead! He was _her_ doll! Her mother didn’t have any right to kill her doll! N couldn’t be dead, she didn’t tell him he could die! Her mother was lying; lying to get her to find a new doll.  
  
Her mother screamed something at her, but at this point she couldn’t hear her anymore.  
  
She was cold. She was so, so cold. She wanted N to hug her, to wrap his warm arms around her and kiss her head. He was always so warm, she felt so safe when he held her.  
  
Her mother grabbed her arm and shook her, slapping her head when she only screamed and cried. She didn’t want her mother; she didn’t want to be here. She wanted N.  
  
She wanted N.  
  
She needed N.  
  
She _needed_ N.  
  
 _Go find him._  
  
 _Your mother hid him. She wouldn’t kill him._  
  
 _Kill your mother. It’s the only way to find N._  
  
She screamed as the voices continued to ring in her head, screamed when her mother hit her head again. She couldn’t think straight. N couldn’t be dead, and those voices told her he was alive, but she had to find him. She struggled to break away from her mother’s grasp, though that only resulted in her mother tightening her grip and yanking her to her feet.  
  
The tray of food clanked as it hit the floor, the steaming rice and eggs splattering over her feet and burning.  
  
She finally dug her nails into her mother’s hand and pulled, tearing skin and wrenching her arm away when her grip loosened. She shot out to escape, whipping the door open only to come face to face with a man and a gun trained on her face.  
  
She screamed.


	20. interlude

_He wasn’t sure what to do when he heard the first scream; he stood rooted to the spot as his hand trembled. He wasn’t able to hear what Saet-byul’s mother was saying over Saet-byul’s screams, each slap resounding in his ears. He knew he should do something, especially when Saet-byul started coughing in between screams, but he stood frozen in place. She couldn’t be...that couldn’t possibly be... what was he supposed to do in this situation? He knew he should call, but what if it wasn’t what he thought? He wasn’t there, he was only hearing through the phone, but that should be enough, right?_  
  
_In the end, he grabbed his home phone and dialed the police. They were patient with him, even when he was only able to give Saet-byul and Woo-jin’s name. They brought him to the police station first, taking his phone and tracing the still connected call. By then Saet-byul had stopped screaming, only her soft hiccups still heard through the phone. He was sure she didn’t know they were still connected, but then he wasn’t surprised._  
  
_Her mother was still saying things, reassuring Saet-byul that she would give her a new doll, that even though she killed Woo-jin everything would be okay. His fingers gripped the edge of the plastic chair he was sitting on, some of the officers sending him small glances. If he hadn’t listened to that call, he would think her joking when she said she killed Woo-jin. His classmate...no, his friend, his happy, carefree friend couldn’t be dead. He didn’t want to believe it; but after listening to her mother beating her and saying she had killed him, there was only so much he could deny._  
  
_Her mother mentioned his own name a few times, offering to make him into her ‘doll’. He didn’t know what a doll was, but she said it in a way as if she was replacing Woo-jin. His insides twisted, especially when he heard Saet-byul say she didn’t want him, not like that. He didn’t know what kind of doll they were talking about. The only doll he knew of was the one Saet-byul always carried around._  
  
_They couldn’t be talking about that, could they?_  
  
_Eventually the police were able to locate Saet-byul’s home, and soon they were off. They told him to stay there; it was too dangerous to come along. They promised they would send someone to bring him down later. His mother was called to accompany him at the station since he was a minor. When she arrived, her face was tight, not betraying a single emotion as she listened to what he had done, that if it wasn’t for him Saet-byul would be dead. His mother’s only response was to squeeze his shoulder tightly, her other hand gently resting on his head. It was comforting._  
  
_He filled out the report, constantly checking the time and his phone. How long did it take to get there? Saet-byul was still connected to the call, but they took the phone away to a private room to listen. He wanted to know, he wanted to know what happened to his friend. Woo-jin was his only friend; he was especially special to him, and every part of him shook with worry at the thought of what could possibly have happened to him._  
  
_His mother tried to comfort him a few times, asking if he wanted to go home to get a quick rest or if he wanted to eat. He just shook his head and pushed her away, too wound up and nervous to do anything of the sort._  
  
_Eventually they called back to the station, saying they were able to find both Saet-byul and Woo-jin. They told him as much, but for some reason they weren’t as happy as he thought they would be, and his stomach dropped like iron. Woo-jin...that couldn’t mean Woo-jin was really dead, right? That couldn’t be it! His mother had to help him stand up, and he couldn’t look at the officer’s tight face. He didn’t want to see the sadness on his face._  
  
_They brought him to the hospital where they took Woo-jin and Saet-byul, a whole two hours away. They both had been taken into immediate surgeries –Woo-jin’s injuries much more serious than Saet-byul’s. He waited outside the surgery room the entire six hours Woo-jin was in there, biting his nails and his legs shaking. His mother waited with him, constantly reaching over and comforting him. It helped somewhat, to calm his nerves._  
  
_They wouldn’t tell him what happened to Woo-jin, only said that if it hadn’t been for him, Woo-jin probably would have died. He didn’t want to think of it like that. He didn’t want to think of the idea that Woo-jin had been so close to death, that if he hadn’t called that night he might never have seen his friend’s smiling face again._  
  
_He promised himself that after this, he wouldn’t care when Woo-jin bothered him. He’d let his friend poke his face during class and complain all day long if he wanted. He would make notes for him again, making sure he paid extra attention to make it as neat as possible. He would do anything his friend asked, as long as he made it out of this surgery. He had to. Woo-jin had to._  
  
_They eventually finished, and they said Woo-jin was stable. He was going to be okay. His legs gave out; his mother had to hold him up as they wheeled Woo-jin by. His friend’s eyes were closed; he looked like he was sleeping. Nearby he could hear another boy screaming and crying, a group of doctors running by him as they restrained the boy. His mother quickly gathered him in her arms, trying to herd him by to avoid the hysterical boy._  
  
_“Hak-yeon hyung!” the boy screamed over and over, grasping towards the doors where they had taken Woo-jin away. He wondered who the boy was crying for, but didn’t give it a second thought when they finally brought him to Woo-jin’s room._  
  
_His friend was still asleep when they finally let him see him, so many machines attached to his arms and a tube stuck up his nose to help him breathe. His mother kissed his cheek and said she would be back; she wanted to give him space. He nodded his thanks to her, more than happy she left._  
  
_His legs shook terribly as he tried to walk to his friends side, his eyes glued to his friend’s arms. Stomach bile rose to his mouth, his fists shaking so bad he had to grab his pants to still them. They were bandaged all over, but there were large scars that ran down the uncovered skin, some of them so awful looking he had trouble staring. His hands, his friend’s pretty hands, were mutilated –new skin had grown but parts were puckered up and scarred._  
  
_He couldn’t imagine what the rest of him looked like._  
  
_He finally noticed a small chair by the bedside and he quickly collapsed into it._  
  
_How....how could he not have noticed?_  
  
_Surely, there must have been some clues as to what had really been going on at home. Woo-jin was always making sure he and Saet-byul were home on time. He never stayed out late. There were a couple times when they lost track of time, and the look of pure terror on his friend’s face when he realized should have sounded off warning bells. But he hadn’t noticed. He just thought they had a strict mother._  
  
_How could he have been so stupid?_  
  
_With shaky hands, he reached out and took his friend’s hand in his own._  
  
_“I’m sorry, Woo-jin. I’m sorry.”_


	21. Chapter 21

_Everything hurt. She tortured him everywhere, never touching him as she used his doll to deliver all the pain he felt. She ripped holes in his skin and twisted his insides. It burned when she tore the doll’s stomach open, pulling it apart so slowly, each second so painful he cried out for her to just kill him. But she wouldn’t let him, stitching him up and leaving him._  
  
_She made him watch the others, watch how she tortured them and how none of them uttered a sound throughout the entire thing. He couldn’t fathom how none of them made even a whimper; he couldn’t even hold back a scream it hurt so bad._  
  
_And then there was crying…she had put him in the cell with Seok-jin’s old cellmate, and he would always cry whenever she beat him. Curiously, she never tortured that guy, in fact, he’d never seen his doll. He wondered how long that boy had been here to not even be beaten, to be ignored and allowed to cry and sob as loud as he wanted. One day she stepped inside the cage, and he immediately shielded the defenseless boy, for a reason even he didn’t understand, and the flash of anger on her face was the last thing he registered._  
  
_There he had it; he couldn’t even mutter a cry when she shot holes into his skin and ran metal rings through them, stringing him up like she did to all the others._  
  
_It was when he felt the blood rushing down his open wounds that he realized he was never going to see Saet-byul again._  
  
Loud, incessant beeping greeted his ears as he stirred, the numbing that he had been encased in fading enough for him to blink his eyes open. He was greeted with a couple faces he didn’t recognize, two of them smirking while one was nearly pressed to his own face. He wondered how he got down from the chains when he finally noticed the plain, white walls and ceiling, and then noticed how each of them held an IV.  
  
“Look who finally woke up,” one of the smirking ones said, and he recognized him as the guy behind the glass.  
  
“You scream like a girl,” the other joined in, though he could tell from their eyes alone how relieved they were he woke up.  
  
“W-where are we? The basement-”  
  
“It’s like a dream,” the first one said, and he finally recognized the last person as the boy who had shared a cell with him. “Somehow, some miracle happened and the police arrived, freeing us. We’re in the hospital.”  
  
“I never thought I could be free again.”  
  
“What are you two doing in here?” the two whirled around to see two more guys come in, one in a wheelchair with his leg in a cast and another pushing him. The two culprits giggled as they ran on the other side of the bed, sticking their tongues out and taunting them. The one in the wheelchair frowned. “You’re lucky I can’t move my foot or I’d come over there and shove it up your ass.” He glared at them for a few more seconds before turning to him, sighing.  
  
“How are you feeling?”  
  
“It hurts…”  
  
His eyes softened as he nodded his head sullenly. “That’s how it always starts. She’s always vicious at first, but once she gets a new doll, she kind of forgets about you.”  
  
“You should feel special,” he said suddenly, motioning to the boy by his side. “Bin has been watching you the whole time.” He looked over to see the boy whose eyes were constantly roaming over him as if to make sure he was okay. He tried to move his hand to pat his head but hissed instead, glancing down to see his arms completely wrapped in bandages.  
  
“Don’t try to move for a while,” one of the two troublemakers said quickly. “Your wounds are still pretty new so they’re still painful.”  
  
“Where…where are Saet-byul and her mother?”  
  
Immediately their faces darkened and the one behind the wheelchair’s hands began to shake. “We….Saet-byul is in a separate ward than us. Eun-ji beat her pretty badly before the cops got there. As for Eun-ji…we don’t know. Probably down at the police station. They’re surprisingly leaving us alone about it.”  
  
“Well, some of us here have just gotten out of surgery, so they’ll probably leave us alone for a bit. They’ll come eventually.”  
  
His head whirled as he tried to make sense of everything, the others’ chatter fading in the background. How could the police have found them? She’s been doing this for years and only now was caught; how did that happen? Bin whimpered next to him and he opened his eyes, the one in the wheelchair noticing.  
  
“Come on guys, let’s let Hak-yeon rest. You guys are too obnoxious-”  
  
“Woah! I didn’t know we were having a party in here!” Two more heads poked in and, at the sight of everyone gathered, hobbled in. He recognized the shorter of the two as the one who yelled at him to stitch his doll, what now seemed like an eternity ago. The guy noticed him staring and waved back hesitantly.  
  
“Don’t move your arms,” the wheelchair one said sternly, and the guy dropped his arm, and that was when he saw him with his arm in a cast. “What are all of you guys doing anyway? You should all be resting!”  
  
“Come on E, we don’t want to stay in one place, now that we can roam around and check things out,” the new guy said, one arm slung around the arm cast guy’s shoulders. “And neither of our legs were broken, unlike _somebody_ ,” he snickered.  
  
“You disrespectful brat,” he muttered. “Respect your hyung!”  
  
“Oh please, nobody’s my hyung. You should all be respecting me, your sunbae!”  
  
_“Quiet!”_ Bin suddenly snapped, and everyone quieted instantly. “Hak-yeon hyung needs to sleep!”  
  
One of the two troublemakers scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. “Sorry Binnie. We got a little excited. We’ll come back later, okay?” Bin ignored them, going back to watching him, and the others all shuffled out awkwardly.  
  
He finally opened his mouth, Bin’s whole body twitching. “Bin-ah, shouldn’t you be resting too? Go rest.”  
  
“But…I’m not in the same room as you hyung,” he muttered.  
  
“If you want, you can ask them to switch here. But go and rest for now. I don’t want you to hurt because of me.” He didn’t look the least bit happy, though after a few seconds he finally got up. “You can come back here later, okay?” That brought a smile to the other’s lips, and he left the room without another word.  
  
He sighed as he laid his head against the pillow, tired suddenly. This had been something he’d fantasized for months, for him to be rescued, and freed from that horrible place. It felt almost surreal. But…he’d always imagined Seok-jin being with him. Tears pricked his eyes, his bandaged fingers clutching the sheets.  
  
Seok-jin would never be saved.  
  
  
  
He must have fallen asleep again; his foggy mind finally waking enough to open his eyes and see a whole group of faces hovering over his, Bin’s closest. He bit back an unmanly scream as he tried to shy away, the others finally getting the idea and backing away.  
  
“We were deciding to just stare at you until you woke up. And it worked!”  
  
“Oh shut up,” one on crutches said, and he noticed he had an accent. A small part of him wondered how far she would go to find her dolls. “You just wanted to hear him scream.”  
  
“That’s cause he screams like a girl!”  
  
“He does-”  
  
“I do not,” he snapped, and they all turned back to him. He attempted to sit up, the medicine they gave him numbing his arms, and they all reacted, trying in their own way to stop him from moving. He frustratingly pushed them away as he propped himself against the pillows, Bin helping him get comfortable. “Is there a reason you guys keep coming to my room?”  
  
“Why, you don’t like the attention?” one of the troublemakers asked, and he scoffed as he shook his head.  
  
“It’s not that your special or anything,” one of the guys from the back muttered, and they all parted slightly so he could see him. “None of us like being alone, and you’re the only one right now who can’t move, so we just come in here.”  
  
“Not to mention Binnie here won’t leave your side,” the guy in the wheelchair laughed, ruffling Bin’s hair and the other half-heartedly pushing him away. “So until they figure something out, you’re stuck with us.”  
  
“They still haven’t figured out who you guys are?”  
  
They were silent for a while, the mood souring quickly, and he regretted slightly saying anything. “I don’t know,” one of them laughed. “I was still going to school before. I don’t really feel like going back.” A couple of the older guys snapped at him, and soon they were all playfully attacking the one, laughing loudly. He watched them all in slight awe, wondering how they could all be so happy and playful after all they’d been through. He was sitting here in a pool of pain, pity, and anger. He doubted he would be able to smile and laugh so easily like that.  
  
“Ah, that’s right,” one of them spoke up, “someone came here to see you.”  
  
“Me?” he asked. They nodded.  
  
“He seems kind of shy. We told him he could wait in here with us, but he said he’ll just wait outside. I think K scared him when he touched him.” Another one of the guys slapped him, shouting at him with another accent.  
  
“Don’t make it sound so perverted,” he snapped. “All I did was grab his shoulder. He’s the one who ran away.”  
  
“Well, if you’re not perverted, go and call him in.”  
  
“W-why me?”  
  
“You have two perfectly good feet, go get him!” The one glared before stomping off to do as told, whipping the door opened.  
  
“Hey! He’s awake now!” He slammed the door shut and stomped back over, glaring. “There, happy?”  
  
“K, what the hell did you slam the door for? Are you trying to tell him to come in or stay out?” The doll mimicked him spitefully, sticking his tongue out at him, when the door creaked open. His whole face lit up at the sight of Taek-woon.  
  
“Taek-woonie!” Everyone quieted as they turned back to the boy, his face now beet red. The guy in the arm cast slapped K upside the head, rolling his wide eyes.  
  
“Look what you did. This guy actually knows Hak-yeon.” While they grumbled to each other, he motioned for Taek-woon to come over. He wondered how much the other knew; he was very hesitant around the others and his shoulders were hunched again. He shuffled over next to Bin, who surprisingly moved over for him.  
  
One of the troublemakers noticed and leaned to get a closer look at him. “Wow, he’s so cute! Look at those cheeks-”  
  
“Can you guys leave for a minute?” he asked before they could embarrass Taek-woon any further. A couple pouted at him but luckily a few of the more sensible ones forced them all out, silently shutting the door behind them. When he was sure they were gone, he smiled brilliantly at Taek-woon, trying to ignore how the other was staring at his bandaged arms.  
  
“How are you, my lovely Taek-woonie?” For once he didn’t glare at him for the nickname, still looking worried. “It’s not as bad as it looks, I promise.”  
  
“They told me.” He gestured to the door, his eyes downcast. “Woo-jin-”  
  
“Woo-jin isn’t my real name,” he said softly, his heart beating erratically, frightened, as if waiting for that woman to burst in and kill him. He gulped, pushing down the growing fear in his stomach as he tried to smile. “It’s Cha Hak-yeon.” Taek-woon didn’t say anything for the longest time, and he panicked slightly. “You…you aren’t mad are you?”  
  
“Why would I be mad?”  
  
“I’ve been lying-”  
  
“You’ve been held captive in that house… _tortured…_ how can I be angry at you for lying?” He noticed how flushed the other’s face got, how his hands shook. “I…I should have noticed. She’s been doing stuff like this and-”  
  
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. This was the first time she’s ever done something like this to me. I was usually with Saet-byul.”  
  
“Saet-byul…did she do anything-?”  
  
“Jung Taek-woon, don’t say anything bad about my Byullie,” he said dangerously, and the other shut his mouth. “I was forced to live and take care of her, but never did Saet-byul do anything wrong.”  
  
The room fell into an awkward silence, Bin fidgeting at his side and Taek-woon as still as a statue. Finally, “Those other people…”  
  
“You mean those loud, obnoxious guys who keep invading my personal space? Those were her other dolls…they were trapped in the basement for years.”  
  
“Dolls?”  
  
“P-people she kidnapped,” he corrected quickly. He couldn’t tell Taek-woon about the dolls; what would he think if he found out that he was connected to a doll? Would he even believe him? He probably would never be able to tell anyone about it, they would all think he was crazy. He decided to get off that topic, unwilling to talk about it anymore. “I heard you got all embarrassed when one of them touched you.”  
  
That got the wanted effect, Taek-woon blubbering and him finally laughing. “You don’t have to be so embarrassed…or did he lie and he touched you inappropriately?”  
  
“Don’t be stupid, of course not.”  
  
“Aww, is my Taek-woonie embarrassed? Look at your red face-”  
  
“Don’t touch me!”  
  
“Taek-woonie-”  
  
“Hey Hak-yeon!” Both of them flew away from each other when his door burst open again; and he had serious thoughts to supply Bin with something heavy to throw whenever one of those idiots tried to sneak in his room. Whichever one it was, which was honestly hard to tell since there were so many and that in itself was alarming, hobbled in the best he could on his crutches. By the time he reached his bedside he was breathless, though that didn’t seem to bother him in the least, grinning so wide it looked like his face would split. “Hak-yeon ah, they figured out who we are!”  
  
“Really?” he asked, sitting up straight and wincing when a jolt of pain shot up his back.  
  
“Careful,” Taek-woon said softly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
  
“Yeah. They even found out who Bin is!” Bin jumped at the mention of his name, and they looked over to see him fidgeting. “Are you excited Binnie? You’ll get to go home.”  
  
“I…” Bin pulled in on himself, obviously uncomfortable, and he wished he could comfort him. “I don’t remember anything besides home…”  
  
The guy hobbled around the edge of his bed to Bin’s side, steadying himself before patting his head. “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to get better from here on out. You won’t have to cry anymore.” He grabbed his crutches again and headed for the door, stopping for only a second to give them a last glance. “You should come out too Hak-yeon. I’m sure they’ll contact your family too.”  
  
His…family…?  
  
He whipped his head to Taek-woon, ignoring the pain shooting through his body as he grabbed his arm and shook him hurriedly. “Grab me a wheelchair Taek-woonie. Hurry!” Taek-woon seemed to understand the importance of the situation, nodding silently before shooting out of the room. Unexpectedly, Bin jumped up as well and toddled after the taller man, wanting to do anything for his hyung.  
  
He drummed his fingers against the bed impatiently, wanting to just get up and run out by himself. His mother…they were going to call his mother! He was finally going to be able to see her, something at this point he thought to be merely a dream. He could hug her, let her beat and yell at him for leaving her with a smile on his face. He was never going to leave her again, not like his father had, not like Seok-jin’s father had. He would tell her about Seok-jin, and the two of them could support each other and keep Seok-jin alive in their memories.  
  
He wanted to see her so badly.  
  
He inhaled sharply when the doorknob turned, opening slightly. “That was fast! Hurry Taek-woonie, I don’t want to wait any longer!”  
  
He frowned when he saw who it was, the long, grungy hair and sunken, dead face being a giveaway that this was another one of the rescued dolls. He wasn’t sure which one it was; he definitely wasn’t part of the happy bunch that enjoyed annoying him. He was older, much older, and his injuries were all healed, only scars covering his body.  
  
“Hak-yeon…” he said, and he gulped when he heard how low and raspy the voice was, as if it hadn’t been used in a long time. “Listen to me.”  
  
  
  
The doll was long gone by the time Taek-woon and Bin finally came back with the wheelchair, and he struggled to keep up his enthusiasm when they lifted him out of the bed. While Bin was oblivious to his change in behavior, Taek-woon caught on right away, continuously sending him looks and silently asking what was wrong. He tried his best to ignore him, turning all his attention to helping Bin place a blanket on his lap, the other boy wanting to cover all the scars that ran down his legs. He thanked him; even he didn’t want to see them.  
  
They pushed him out and one of the guys with only arm casts came up to greet them, hopping on the balls of his feet as he impatiently waited for them. He huffed at them. “Took you long enough,” he muttered, motioning for them to follow him. He hissed quietly as each time the wheelchair bounced it aggravated his wounds, each time feeling as if he was being stabbed all over again. He needed more of whatever they gave him after this.  
  
He took them to another room where the rest of them were gathered, the wheelchair guy being the one in the bed this time. They seemed to be arguing with a couple of the cops in the room, the nurses fluttering around as they tried to calm the patients down. One of the two troublemakers was the first to notice them, and couldn’t control himself.  
  
“Hak-yeon and Bin’s here!”  
  
The two cops were instantly forgotten as they all gestured for them to come closer, wasting no time pulling him over and wrapping arms around his throbbing shoulders. He decided not to tell him they were only making it worse. The two cops groaned when they saw they had lost their attention, one of them rolling her eyes as she placed her hands on her hips.  
  
“This is important!” she snapped, and he was surprised when they all sent glares her way. The glares were the same ones they had sent him back in the basement, when they were still hopeless and trapped. It sent chills down his spine. Even she was surprised.  
  
“If you won’t tell us all together, we don’t care.”  
  
“But it’s protocol that we tell you all separately-”  
  
“Bullshit,” the wheelchair guy snarled viciously, and he was surprised because he seemed to be the most sensible one. It was as if a switch was flipped, the guy now extremely hostile. “We’ve been together for three years in that godforsaken basement. Whatever you have to say, you can easily say it in front of all of us.”  
  
This time the male cop spoke up, grabbing the clipboard out of the woman’s hands. “Look, when we say it’s protocol, it means it’s mandatory -”  
  
“If you don’t just fucking tell us,” one of the troublemakers said, stalking forward and pushing himself so he was only inches away from the other, “I’m going to grab that and look at it myself.” The cop ran a hand over his face as he sighed heavily, his hold on the clipboard tightening.  
  
“It won’t take long. We need to ask you a few questions and confirm a few things; it would be best if we could see each of you separately.”  
  
“We won’t answer a single one of your damn questions.”  
  
“I-”  
  
“Sir, should we just-” The cop grabbed the woman and began to whisper in her ear, and he looked over at the others to see what they were doing. He had only seen these guys acting exceedingly bubbly and annoying; almost to the point it was impossible to tell where they had been only a few days ago. But here…this was how he had imagined them to be, vicious and extremely distrusting. He glanced up at the arm cast guy standing by his side and the guy sent him a quick smile.  
  
“Alright,” the cop snapped, looking extremely irritated but defeated nonetheless. He pulled the clipboard out from under his arm, sighing heavily. “We’ll do it here. But I don’t want to hear a word out of any of you while I do this, understand? If I do-”  
  
“Just get on with it already.”  
  
He glared at the interruption before clearing his throat. “I’m still going to ask you the questions later. I’m only going to tell you your names.” They all looked like they were going to tackle the guy to the ground, and he quickly started. “Alright, who said his name was A?”  
  
“Me!” It was the tall guy who had first come in with the arm cast guy, smiling excitedly as he hobbled forward, yanking his IV when it got caught on another guy’s.  
  
“Your name is Kim Jong-in.” The cop’s voice was suddenly softer, and they all noticed bitterly that he was taking pity on them. Even he was a little unnerved by the pity sent their way. He hadn’t endured months of emotional trauma dealing with that woman and the torturing she put him through just to be pitied in the end. He especially didn’t need this man’s pity. Vexed, Kim Jong-in snatched the paper the cop held out, glaring long enough before whirling around and shuffling over to the arm cast guy.  
  
“Look B,” he said, shaking the paper that listed his personal information. “That’s me! My name is Kim Jong-in!”  
  
Using his good hand, B glanced at the sheet. “Wow…you’re so cool! You were in dancing school?”  
  
“I was?”  
  
“Who’s B?” B gulped, looking to Jong-in for reassurance before shakily raising his good hand and stepping forward. The cop gave him a smile as he handed him his sheet. “Your name is Do Kyung-soo.”  
  
“Do…Kyung-soo…” he repeated, turning back to Jong-in in half-shock, half-fear. “A…that name doesn’t sound familiar. I…that name-”  
  
“Look Kyung-soo ya,” Jong-in interrupted sweetly, pulling the other close and pointing with his cast. “You were into singing! You’ll have to sing for me sometime. I bet you’re great!” Kyung-soo’s cheeks flushed as he held the paper to his chest as if he was afraid it would disappear, a small smile growing on his lips.  
  
Now brimming with excitement, the others willingly kept their mouths shut as they waited for their turn to learn their names. It wasn’t just their names they were excited about; he learned from the first two that these guys didn’t just forget their names; they forgot who they were completely. They forgot their families, their hobbies, their friends; they didn’t even remember what they looked like. Jong-in and Kyung-soo stepped away as they marveled each other’s pictures, telling each other how handsome the other was.  
  
The names rattled off almost like clockwork afterward. C and D, the two troublemakers, were named Byun Baek-hyun and Park Chan-yeol, and the two were so giddy with each other that a nurse had to give Baek-hyun a shot to numb the pain that shot through his ribs. He hadn’t known his ribs had been broken; the guy had been walking around and playing as if everything was fine. But he shouldn’t be too surprised, after becoming a doll and forced to feel its pain, bodily pain just didn’t faze one anymore. F turned out to be a Chinese exchange student, one who had been declared dead in his home country. None of them could pronounce his name, though he and a few of the others were able to read it, all of them marveling over it together.  
  
“Your name is nice, Yixing,” one of them said. “You were studying music? You should go talk to B-er, Kyung-soo. You could make music together.”  
  
“I told you I was studying,” he muttered, wrinkling his nose and causing them to laugh.  
  
They were in the middle of identifying the last of them when he felt a tug on his arm, and he looked up to see Bin pulling at his gown. Baek-hyun and Chan-yeol, who were giddily comparing themselves to each other, noticed. “Hey,” Chan-yeol spoke up, “what about Binnie?”  
  
“Binnie?” the cop flipped through a few more papers in his file before sighing, pulling a sheet out. Everyone had stopped talking by then, intently listening for what he was going to say, and he realized how important Bin was to these people. He glanced up at the boy to see him fidgeting again, and it was suddenly painfully obvious how young he was. He didn’t look any older than Seok-jin did. “Ah, here it is. He wasn’t pestering me, so I nearly forgot him.”  
  
“Read the damn paper,” Baek-hyun hissed, and the cop coughed uncomfortably.  
  
“His name is…” he trailed off and they all leaned forward, waiting desperately to hear the name. The man looked up in surprise, glancing back and forth between Bin and the paper before stuttering out, “Lee Hong-bin.”  
  
“Does that name sound familiar Binnie?” Joon-myeon asked softly, causing Bin to flinch. Bin’s fingers on his shoulders dug straight into his bandages, and he had to bite his tongue to stop from shouting. The boy shook his head, shaking faster and faster until a nurse ran up, trying to get him to sit down.  
  
“Don’t touch me!” Bin shouted, pushing her away and running to the opposite side of his wheelchair, hiding behind Taek-woon’s broad shoulders. “Hyung, don’t let them touch me!” When the nurse tried to grab him again, Chan-yeol’s arm shot out, yanking her back and glaring at her until she stumbled away. Jong-in went over and pulled the shaking boy close to him, squeezing him.  
  
“It’s alright Binnie, nobody’s going to hurt you anymore. You’re safe here.”  
  
“My name is Bin,” he muttered out, trembling. “I don’t know who Lee Hong-bin is.”  
  
“Your real name is Hong-bin,” Lu Han spoke up, struggling a bit before getting up and ripping Bin’s information sheet out of the cop’s hands. He paused for a second as he stared at it, swallowing heavily before flashing it at them. “See? Right here, it says that’s your name.”  
  
Now they could see why the cop had been confused; the sheet read that Bin had gone missing when he was only four years old. The only picture they had of him was of when he was a baby, the happy, chubby baby a stark contrast from the malnourished, restless Bin that clung to Jong-in’s chest like a lifeline. Bin squinted at the paper, his face scrunching as he shook his head again. “I don’t like that name. I don’t like Hong-bin.”  
  
“But the paper-”  
  
“That’s not Bin! That’s not me!”  
  
“Calm down Bin,” Hak-yeon said, finally speaking up, and Bin froze at the sound of his voice, sniffling. “Hong-bin is a nice name.” Nobody moved for the longest time, waiting to see his reaction, and after a long while he broke out from Jong-in’s hold and toddled back over to Hak-yeon’s side, crouching down so his head could rest on his lap. Hak-yeon raised one of his throbbing arms and stroked the younger boy’s cheek, just for a second imagining Seok-jin there instead. He was so engrossed in comforting Bin that he nearly missed hearing his own name being called, Taek-woon lightly tapping his shoulder.  
  
“You’re Yoon Woo-jin, right?” He nodded his head, quickly cutting him off when he saw the man open his mouth.  
  
“I know my name is Cha Hak-yeon. I wasn’t there long enough to forget it.”  
  
“That’s good,” he replied, and there wasn’t a trace of sarcasm or malice in his voice as he handed the clipboard back over to his partner. His tired eyes scanned all over all of them, his lips pursed. “I’ll let all of you rest for the night before we start questioning you. I’m sure just this alone has been tiring enough for you.” He signaled to his partner to leave when the door abruptly opened, a doctor casting an eye over all of them.  
  
“Your families had been notified upon your admittance, some of them have already arrived. If you would like, I can send them to your rooms-”  
  
“Send them here,” Joon-myeon called out, and the doctor frowned.  
  
“We can’t have that many people in one patient’s room-”  
  
“It’s my fucking room and I’ll decide what I want. Nobody’s going to do this alone; we’re all going to face this together. Send them here.” The doctor still looked unconvinced, though that was when the two cops took him out of the room, whispering. The moment the door was shut behind them, the heavy mood in the room lifted, bright smiles returning to everyone’s faces.  
  
“What do you think they thought when they heard we were alive?”  
  
“Do you think they waited for us?”  
  
“My family already thinks I’m dead. Guess that means I can’t study anymore!”  
  
“Don’t worry, you could always stay with one of us. Don’t think you’re getting out of studying any time soon!”  
  
“No!”  
  
While they all prepared themselves for their families, he turned his attention back to Bin, the boy now nearly asleep on his lap. He tapped his cheek playfully to get his attention, watching him flinch before looking up at him expectantly. “Do you want to go home?” he asked.  
  
Bin shook his head, fidgeting again. “Bin doesn’t have a home. I don’t want to leave hyung.” He clung tighter to his legs, unknowingly pulling and scratching one of Hak-yeon’s healing scars. He hissed quietly, hoping it wouldn’t bleed.  
  
He didn’t want Taek-woon to see something like that.  
  
“I’m sure your family has been looking for you.”  
  
“They never found Bin. I don’t want to see them.” He rolled his head away, his fingers picking at his scar. “I’ll run away. I only want to stay with hyung.”  
  
“Run away…?” He snapped his head up to see everyone blissfully preparing themselves for their families, none of them worried in the least.  
  
_“The doll gives you a new life; it will do anything to keep you away from your old one.”_  
  
_“Any time you see them, you’ll immediately run away even if you don’t want to.”_  
  
He remembered that feeling of indescribable panic that had shot through his body when he accidentally ran into his friends that day, remembered how devastated he had been to realize he wouldn’t be able to meet them. Seok-jin had said it happened because of the doll…that must mean that all of these guys too would be affected by it. With so many of them here, and with all the family members that would soon be running in here, what would happen? He looked up at Taek-woon in horror, realizing too late what was going to happen. Taek-woon noticed how shaken he was, leaning closer.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Taek-woon ah…the families, they can’t come…”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
He shook his head, knowing Taek-woon wouldn’t understand, and turned to Kyung-soo, the other being the closest to him. The two troublemakers laughed loudly at a joke one of the two had made, and soon the whole room was laughing. Why…? When everything was supposed to be over? Kyung-soo seemed to notice his distress, pulling away from Jong-in and hopping closer. “Are you alright Hak-yeon?” he asked.  
  
“Kyung-soo, we can’t let the families come in here. The doll’s failsafe, it’s going to set off.” That caught the other’s attention, his large eyes widening in realization. “We can’t see people we’ve seen before-”  
  
_“Baek-hyun!”_  
  
_“Se-hun ah!”_  
  
“Wait, Baek-hyun-” But it was too late; Baek-hyun, along with the others who were able to walk, had gotten to the door, excitedly waiting for their family members to come in. Baek-hyun, with the help of Chan-yeol, yanked the door open, smiling elatedly when an elderly woman ran into view, her screams near deafening. She was in tears as she stepped forward to hug him, affectionately calling out his name, when it was as if time froze.  
  
Baek-hyun’s smile distorted into an expression of unadulterated horror, stumbling away from her as he dry heaved. A couple of the others called out to him, shouting in surprise when in his haste to get away he fell to the ground, falling and landing on his arm cast. That didn’t seem to deter him in the least, him rolling over and scrambling to his feet, lunging at the window across the room. The old woman screamed his name when he clawed at the window, screaming all the while.  
  
_“Get her away from me! Get away!”_  
  
For a few seconds, nobody moved, all too shocked to watch the once happy, teasing boy crumble into the frenzied boy before them, his hands slapping the glass until his hands bled. It was only when he shoved Jong-dae out of his chair and lifted it above his head, breaking his cast apart as he heaved it and slammed it against the glass that they reacted. Doctors pushed past the old woman and charged across the room, managing to catch Baek-hyun before he could throw himself out the window.  
  
The old woman ran forward, right into Baek-hyun’s line of sight, and cried, pounding her chest. “Do you not recognize me Baek-hyunnie? It’s me, your grandmother! Baby, it’s me!”  
  
That only agitated him further; he gained newfound strength as he violently struggled against the doctors’ hold, screaming all the while for her get away.  
  
_“Get away from me! Get away you vile woman!”_ The two cops from earlier ran in the room, hurriedly escorting the woman away before anything else happened. As they led her out, more people stuck their heads in the doorway, setting off another wave of chaos. More and more of the guys fell victim to the doll’s failsafe, turning into blubbering messes as they tried their best to escape from the tiny room. Joon-myeon managed to rip his leg out of the sling they placed it in, crawling out onto the floor before being lifted up by his nurses. Some of the guys who’s families hadn’t arrived also tried to help in calming the others down, screaming at them and trying their best to comfort them.  
  
Taek-woon, who was clueless to everything that was going on, panicked at the sight and hurriedly yanked his wheelchair back and out of the way. Min-seok, now awake and fighting desperately against the doctor, noticed and struggled harder.  
  
“Don’t take Hak-yeon! Stop!”  
  
Taek-woon froze, unsure of what to do, and Hak-yeon quickly looked up at him, noting the petrified look on his face. “It’s alright Taek-woon ah,” he said as calmly as he could, swallowing heavily. “It’s alright.” He felt something shift by his side and saw Bin shaking horribly, his lip quivering as his eyes shot around while taking everything in. “Don’t look Bin ah,” he said quietly, lifting his arms and pulling the boy’s head into his chest, unwilling to let him continue watching.  
  
It took the cops a while to convince the family members that it was best to wait outside, and only when they were gone did the others start to calm down. Soon groans and cries were heard across the room, now after coming back to their senses feeling the pain they caused themselves. After a few clipped words, a gurney was brought in and Baek-hyun and Joon-myeon carted away, both of them having reopened their wounds.  
  
The others were all taken back to their rooms to be treated, leaving behind only Yixing, Lu Han, Zitao, Bin, and himself. None of them could find anything to say, still in shock at what they saw. When Seok-jin had said the doll had a failsafe that made sure they never saw people they knew, he never imagined it would be something like this. The time his kicked in, he hadn’t felt fear so much as the feeling to get away.  
  
“Is Bin okay?” He looked up to see the three of them staring at him, their eyes on the shivering figure in his arms.  
  
“He’s scared.”  
  
“I…I forgot about the failsafe,” Lu Han said quietly, his fingers clutching his crutch. “We all did. We were so happy about being freed we forgot we were still attached to those dolls.”  
  
“Are all reactions that violent?” he asked, and the other three just shrugged their shoulders.  
  
“Some of the older dolls told us about it, but since none of us had a chance to meet anyone, we never experienced it. I don’t think any of us imagined it to be that… _extreme_.”  
  
“Would that mean…?”  
  
“I guess it’s good my family thinks I’m dead,” Yixing joked, though he quickly shut his mouth when Zitao shot him a deadly glare. They all jumped anxiously when the door opened back up, though they calmed down when they saw it was just a nurse. She looked just as scared as they did, hesitating at their tense expressions before stuttering out,  
  
“You need to head back to your rooms now. Also, visiting hours are over.” She directed that last sentence to Taek-woon and, the other boy still dazed, barely was able to nod to her. When he moved to follow her out, Hak-yeon reached out and held him back, wincing when his body punished him by rippling pain down his arm.  
  
“Wait…at least take me back. Please Taek-woonie.” Taek-woon hesitated for a split second, though in the end he agreed, stepping back behind his wheelchair and pushing him away. The walk back to his room was silent, he knew Taek-woon probably had a million questions running through his head, but he was just too exhausted at this point to answer them. So when he was finally laid down on his bed and Taek-woon standing silently while staring at him with that _look_ , he pretended not to notice and sent him away with a smile.  
  
He hoped he never had to explain any of this to him.


	22. Chapter 22

This time when he woke up, he was greeted with a nurse’s bright smile, her hands fixing something with his IV. “Good morning,” she said pleasantly, and he wondered bitterly to himself what was so good about this morning. She finished whatever she was doing and leaned over him, checking his arms and fixing his pillow. “How are you feeling today?” He ignored her as he turned his head, wondering if Bin had switched to his room. His face fell when the empty bed implied he didn’t.  
  
“Your mother’s come to see you.”  
  
 _That_ got his attention, and he snapped his head back to her, eyes wild and excited. “She did?”  
  
Now the nurse’s smile faded slightly. “Yes, but we need to check with you first. After yesterday…”  
  
Right…yesterday. The yesterday when everyone went crazy and Baek-hyun nearly killed himself. The hospital didn‘t know about the dolls, and to them, the guys had just gone crazy. Of course they would be wary about letting anyone else in. And he realized sadly that he would also count as one of those people. It would be best to turn her away, keep her and him safe. But…  
  
He really wanted to see his mother.  
  
“Could you…” he asked carefully, a lump forming in his throat, “could you strap me down? Just so I don’t hurt myself,” he added when she looked like she was going to say no.  
  
“We can’t strap you down,” she said logically, and he knew he was losing.  
  
“Please,” he pleaded. “I really do want to see her.”  
  
“Sir, you have multiple stab wants around your legs and waist. Not to mention the piercings from your arms and back. You are in no condition to be strapped down.” She moved to leave and he forced himself to sit. She frowned. “You shouldn’t be moving-”  
  
“I want to see her. If you don’t bring her here, I’ll go myself.”  
  
She sighed exasperatedly, throwing her arms down uselessly. “Sir, you can’t-”  
  
“Then watch me. If I start struggling or hurting myself, take her away. I…I just really want to see her.” The nurse was silent for a long while, and for a second he thought she was going to say no, when she pursed her lips.  
  
“Fine. I’ll let you. But the moment you look uncomfortable, I’m pulling her out of here.”  
  
“Thank you!” he shouted happily, and she finally broke a smile as she left. It took a few seconds before the fact that he was finally seeing his mother sunk in, and he realized he probably looked like a mess. He hastily licked the tips of his fingers as he patted down his hair, leaning over the best he could to grab the glass of water off his table. He splashed the water on his face, hoping it made him look less dead.  
  
He took a deep breath as he tried to ready himself, preparing himself for the fear that would soon be gripping him. He somehow had to make sure he didn’t react to it. He wasn’t sure how, or if he could, but he wanted it to work more than anything in the world.  
  
When the door opened, he widened his smile, his stomach knotted, only to groan disappointedly when it was only Bin. Bin reacted to his disappointment, whimpering, and he quickly tried to fix the situation. “Sorry Bin, it’s not that I didn’t want to see you, it’s just I was expecting someone else.”  
  
Bin frowned as he came over, squatting at his side. “Who’s coming to see hyung?”  
  
“My mother. You should stay, I’m sure she’ll love to meet you.”  
  
“Don’t hyung,” Bin advised, frowning, “It’s dangerous.”  
  
“I know,” he sighed, inwardly trying to prepare himself again. “But I really want to see her Bin ah. They’re so many things I want to talk to her about. She still doesn’t know about Seok-jin. Please don’t tell hyung not to.” Surprisingly, Bin didn’t speak again, instead supporting him by taking his hand.  
  
“Be careful,” Bin whispered, right before he felt his body go stiff, his heart beginning to beat erratically. His senses became hypersensitive, the sound of footsteps nearing his door growing louder and louder. His breath hitched, his fingers and toes flexing. He started breathing heavier, sweating, and he could feel Bin pulling on his arm. “Calm down hyung. Calm down-”  
  
The doorknob turned and he screamed, whipping his arm away from Bin and slapping it over his mouth. He wanted to run, the only thing on his mind was to _RUN_ , but he gripped the railing of his bed like a lifeline. He had to fight it. He _had to_. The door opened a little wider and he bit his tongue as hard as he could when his mother’s head poked in. She seemed wary, as if afraid he was going to attack her any second, and he could only guess the nurse had already warned her.  
  
When had his mother grown so old? She looked so tired and frail, as if her body was going to fall apart any second. Her face had so many wrinkles, her eyes sullen and bagged, her skin dried and nowhere near the soft skin that he had always playfully teased her about. Her hair was a ratted mess that she had shoved into a bun, probably having rushed over here the moment she got the call. She smiled warmly at him, her fingers gripping her small purse.  
  
“Hak-yeon ah,” she said softly, and his whole body hitched, his body screaming at him to get out of there. Both hands gripped the railings this time, and he vaguely felt Bin pushing him down.      
  
“M-mom,” he stuttered out, that a feat in itself when all he wanted to do was scream. She took a slight step forward, quickly stepping back into the door when he cried out. He didn’t want that, he wanted to hug her and let her comfort him. Was that selfish? He just wanted to be comforted for once.  
  
“I’m sorry baby,” she rushed, tears prickling her pretty eyes. He hurriedly turned to Bin, hoping it would help calm his racing heart. The urge was getting stronger every second she stood in the room. “If I make you uncomfortable, please tell me. I can wait.” A sob croaked out, and he spared a glance at her, having to hold his breath when she started crying.  
  
“I’m so happy you’re alive, Hak-yeon ah. I’m happy you’re okay. When that police officer told me that you and Seok-jin died, I was so heartbroken. I didn’t think I could live, but when they called and said they found you-”  
  
“Mom,” he croaked, his voice raspy from how much he was holding his breath, “Seok-jin-”  
  
“I know,” she whispered, her voice so broken. “They said they only found you. While I wish..w-wish Seok-jinnie could be here too, I’m just happy to have you back Hak-yeon.”  
  
For a second, he debated telling her about how Seok-jin really died; that he and Saet-byul had tried to take his doll apart. That they were the ones who had killed him. But he could see how distraught she was, how hard she tried to appear happy for him. It probably was enough that she was not allowed near him. “Seok-jinnie,” he nearly whispered, “really wanted to go home. He wanted to see you.”  
  
Now she was openly crying, a hand pressed over her mouth. “At least,” she chortled through her fingers, “at least he had you by his side.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” he said, and now he was crying, though it wasn’t because of his mother. A hand yanked away from the railing, Bin luckily grabbing it before he had a chance to do anything.  
  
“Hak-yeon,” she said, her eyes looking firmly on their locked hands, “do you think you’ll be able to come home?”  
  
“I-I…” he wanted to. His mind logically wanted to go home. To forget everything that happened. But at the thought of going home, living in the same house as her, to be so close to her…his whole body jerked, forcing him to roll over and grasp both of Bin’s hands to stop himself from jumping out of his bed. He wanted to say yes; yes, yes, yes- but every time he tried it came out as a strangled cry.  
  
“Hak-yeonnie?” He rolled onto his stomach, the pain only dull in comparison to how much he had to get out of there. Run. _Run run run run run-_ “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to work you up. I’ll come back another time-”  
  
“NO!” he managed to shout out, heaving. “Mom…don’t leave…not yet.”  
  
“Baby, you look like you’re in pain. Mom will come later-”  
  
 _“Please…wait. Hug…one hug…please? Mom…I want a hug, please.”_ He could see Bin shake his head, clearly against it, but he didn’t care. Tears sprang to his eyes when his mother tentatively took a couple steps forward, each time watching him carefully. He trembled as he forced himself to roll back over, shakily lifting an arm up to hug her. She still seemed hesitant, one hand testily reaching out to hold his hand.  
  
That was it. The bubbling that had been growing in the pit of his stomach bubbled over, and he slapped her away. There was no more tongue to bite, screaming as he she stumbled away, his eyes locked on how she watched in horror. _“Get away from me!”_ he shrieked, blood from his tongue running down his chin.  
  
“Hak-yeon-”  
  
 _“Shut up! Get out of here! Get away!”_ She wasted no time running out of the room, the door closing only for a second before the nurse reappeared. He didn’t even register it was a different person, screaming at her all the same. She grabbed at him, pushing away his flailing arms, and he felt a small pinch in his arm. He coughed as his eyes started to close, feeling all his energy leave him. He glanced at the door, his vision blurry, and saw his mother staring at him, tears running down her face.  
  
\--  
  
 _Bin didn’t like seeing Hak-yeon hyung sad; he didn’t like seeing Hak-yeon hyung anything but smiling and happy. Hak-yeon hyung looked the best when he was happy. Hak-yeon hyung looked pretty._  
  
 _He didn’t like seeing Hak-yeon hyung sad. That woman made Hak-yeon hyung sad and he hated it, and he wanted to make her disappear. He didn’t like they had to stick a needle in his arm, making Hak-yeon hyung sleep when he had tears on his face. He stayed by Hak-yeon hyung’s side, refusing whenever the others came in. He wouldn’t let Chan-yeol hyung try and get him to eat, he wouldn’t let Lu Han and Zitao hyung try and make him leave, he wouldn’t even let Kyung-soo hyung visit. He didn’t like those hyungs as much as Hak-yeon hyung, and he didn’t want to see them when Hak-yeon hyung needed him._  
  
 _Bin was happy when Hak-yeon hyung finally woke up, his pretty eyes blinking and his lips parting as he tried to breathe. “Binnie?” he asked hoarsely. He nodded as he leaned forward so Hak-yeon hyung could see him, feeling happy when he smiled. “I’m sorry that I made you see that. I….I promise I won’t make you see that again.”_  
  
 _“Hyung is hurt…” he muttered, and he wished he could think of nicer things to say, things that would make Hak-yeon hyung feel happy like how Hak-yeon hyung’s words always made Bin feel happy. Hak-yeon hyung laughed as he lifted a sluggish hand to place it on his head, and Bin liked the feeling. He liked it a lot._  
  
 _“The drugs work like magic; I don’t feel a thing.” Bin’s leg tingled and he shifted uncomfortably, hitting his leg to try and make it stop, and Hak-yeon hyung noticed. “How long have you been here?” When he didn’t answer, knowing the answer would make Hak-yeon hyung mad, he added, “Have you been here this whole time?”_  
  
 _“Sorry…”_  
  
 _“You know,” he said gently, “the others love you a lot. They must be sad that you don’t try and see them.” No, he didn’t want to see the others. He only wanted to see Hak-yeon hyung. Why did Hak-yeon hyung always want him to go with the others? Did he not like Bin? He picked at his nails, something that always kept him calm when he was scared, and Hak-yeon hyung slowly reached out and stopped him. “I didn’t mean it like that. You didn’t do anything wrong.”_  
  
 _“I like Hak-yeon hyung…”_  
  
 _“I like you too Binnie.” His heart swelled, a big smile growing on his lips at hearing his Hak-yeon hyung say he likes Bin. He likes it a lot. “But you should visit the others later, okay?” His smile disappeared and he looked away from Hak-yeon hyung, not wanting to show him that he was angry. Hak-yeon hyung didn’t say anything, and he peeked from behind his hair to see him staring at the ceiling sadly. Did Bin make Hak-yeon hyung sad? He pinched his leg and twisted, berating himself for making him sad._  
  
 _He poked Hak-yeon hyung’s arm, his hand shaking when he turned and looked at him. “H-hyung…can…can you try?”_  
  
 _“Try what Binnie?”_  
  
 _“Try and call Bin’s name.” Something he said must have been bad, Hak-yeon hyung hurriedly sat up and cried out in pain, Bin having to push him back down to rest. Hak-yeon hyung’s eyes were squeezed shut and all the things around him were beeping so loud, Hak-yeon hyung’s hand squeezing his so tightly Bin wanted to cry out. The machines wouldn’t stop beeping, they were so loud, and he panicked; was Hak-yeon hyung dying? What was happening? He didn’t mean to do this, he didn’t mean it, he didn’t-_  
  
 _“C-calm down Bin.” He felt a tug on his hand and he blinked to see Hak-yeon hyung staring at him, all the things quiet and the only thing Bin can think of is Hak-yeon hyung is holding his hand. “I’m fine.” It took a while to convince him, though he eventually pulled his hands away, noticing guiltily the claw marks on Hak-yeon hyung’s arm. Hak-yeon hyung smiled again. “Now what was it you asked me?”_  
  
 _He didn’t want to say it again, not when it made his hyung hurt so badly. But Hak-yeon hyung waited patiently, and he didn’t want to make his hyung wait either. “I…can hyung try and say my name?”_  
  
 _“You mean Bin?”_  
  
 _“N-no…my other name.” He didn’t remember that name they told him. He didn’t remember a lot of things. The earliest thing he could remember was her showing him to Saet-byul, and when he slapped her, he was thrown into the basement. They didn’t call him anything in the basement, the dolls who remembered his name had all died at some point or another. He watched them all die, taking little parts of him with them._  
  
 _He only knew his name was Bin because she once called him that as he cried while torturing his cellmate._  
  
 _He always cried; he couldn’t do anything else for the dolls when they screamed and bled._  
  
 _Hong-bin didn’t sound familiar to him at all, and he couldn’t understand why. The others all forgot their names too, but they said their names sounded familiar. Why didn’t his? They all had families that came to see them. Why didn’t he? But his name, when Hak-yeon hyung said it, made his heart race and stomach flutter._  
  
 _That was good, right?_  
  
 _“I thought you didn’t like it.”_  
  
 _“I-I…you said it was a nice name.”_  
  
 _Hak-yeon hyung laughed. “I did, didn’t I?” He groaned as he sat up, rubbing his arms lightly. “Well, if you want me to call you Hong-bin, then I will. Would you like me to call you Hong-bin?” He winced each time he said the name, a small part of him refusing to acknowledge that was him. But he knew it was him, knew that if he wanted to get better like the others, he would have to accept this name. He forced himself to nod, and Hak-yeon hyung sighed. “If you’re fine with it, then alright. But if it becomes uncomfortable, just let me know.”_  
  
 _“I like it,” he said hurriedly. Hak-yeon hyung hummed, closing his eyes as he rubbed circles into the back of his hand with his thumb. He fidgeted, unsure of what his hyung was thinking; whether he was happy or angry. Hak-yeon hyung finally opened his eyes and he panicked, leaning forward and digging his nails into his legs. “I-”_  
  
 _“Hong-bin.” His mouth snapped shut, a cold shudder running down his spine. “I want you to answer honestly. I’ve only known you for a few days when we were…down there. You’ve been with the others for years. Why do want to be with me all the time? I haven’t done anything for you.”_  
  
 _He scooted away, his head spinning. Did Hak-yeon hyung not like him? Was he bothering him? He didn’t mean it; Bin didn’t mean to bother Hak-yeon hyung. He pinched his leg again, twisting so hard he gasped._  
  
 _He jumped when Hak-yeon hyung’s hand shot and grabbed his fingers, pulling them away and he noticed the blood on them. “I’m sorry,” Hak-yeon hyung said, “I didn’t mean to get you worked up.”_  
  
 _“No…no. I…I’m sorry hyung. I just like hyung. Seok-jin always talked about his Hak-yeon hyung with Bin. Even though Seok-jin mostly talked bad things about you, Hak-yeon hyung sounded amazing.”_  
  
 _“I’m not that amazing-”_  
  
 _“And when she came downstairs to punish the dolls, Hak-yeon hyung protected me.”_  
  
 _“I didn’t want her to hurt you too. You were Seok-jin’s friend; that was enough for me.” He fidgeted again, again scolding himself for not knowing how to say things. How could he tell Hak-yeon hyung that he loved hyung, and didn’t want hyung to ever go away? Hak-yeon hyung was someone who would chase after Seok-jin when Seok-jin tried to run away, always made sure he was home safe and had something to eat. Hak-yeon hyung was someone who even when you didn’t want him, would always be there to make you feel safe and warm. Hak-yeon hyung was someone who would sound annoying and bother you all the time, but was the only person who would spend that much effort to try and make you feel loved. Hak-yeon hyung was someone who would cry to you about his problems, only cry to you, and ask your opinion and would really take what you thought into consideration._  
  
 _Seok-jin told him all about Hak-yeon hyung, and Bin always wanted to meet Hak-yeon hyung. Hak-yeon hyung was better than all the other hyungs, he was special and he wanted to stay with him._  
  
 _He wanted to feel special, to feel important._  
  
 _He opened his mouth, wanting to tell all of this to Hak-yeon hyung so he would never ask him to leave him again, when the door burst open, Joon-myeon hyung smiling as he wheeled himself in. Hak-yeon hyung laughed and waved him over, and suddenly Bin didn’t want to tell him. He didn’t want other people to hear._  
  
 _He would tell Hak-yeon hyung another time._


	23. Chapter 23

It was a month before any of them could be discharged, their broken bones healing much slower thanks to the dolls. Joon-myeon was still on crutches and Baek-hyun’s arm still in a sling, but the rest of them were able to finally have their bandages removed.  
  
Hak-yeon found out, since most had been discharged before him, that they all moved into a large apartment that could house all of them, the money sent from their families. They offered a room for him and Bin, and while Bin ended up going because he had no other place to stay, he was still unsure. He wasn’t sure where he wanted to go now. He didn’t know the others well enough to be comfortable living with them, but it’s not like he could just move back home with his mother. He was sure his mother would help him get his own place, but he didn’t want to force that on her either. So he never answered any of their requests, deciding to just wait until he was better.  
  
  
Exactly a month and a half since he was pulled from the basement, he was discharged. The guys all came to see him, and he was surprised when even Taek-woon showed up. The other had become busy with school and had only been able to visit every once in a while, not to mention Seoul was over two hours away.  
  
“Look, we match!” Chan-yeol shouted excitedly, running over and comparing their arms together. He tried to appear just as excited when he saw the matching scars that peppered their skin, the puckered marks bulging out slightly. It still made his stomach turn every time he tried rubbing his arm and accidentally scratching them instead.  
  
“That’s not something to be proud of,” Zitao muttered, forcibly yanking the morbidly excited Chan-yeol away.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
They helped him get out of his bed, his legs still weak and sore when he finally stood on his own; they wouldn’t leave him alone for a second, staying in the room even when he tried to change. Joon-myeon was like a mother, having brought him a change of clothes and attempting to help him change. Luckily, Taek-woon took that as initiative to leave, and he was thankful. These guys were one thing, they were just as scarred and battered as he was, but he didn’t want Taek-woon seeing him.  
  
He put on the pair of pants they gave him, feeling a little better when all the scars were covered and out of sight. He paused, though, when he took the shirt, letting his eyes roam over his arms and chest, staring in detail at every puckered scar. He was glad he couldn’t see his back; from looking at the others he knew how appalling it was. His fingers on the piece of cloth shook. His body had always been covered by something, so he had never seen the full damage. It made his stomach twist uncomfortably. He was brought out of his reverie when he felt a hand cover his own, and he looked up to see Joon-myeon smile bitterly.  
  
“It’s best not to look,” he said quietly, and he nodded, knowing all too well. He slipped the shirt over his head, the long sleeves covering all of his skin.  
  
“You look great,” Jong-in said, clapping him on the shoulder, panicking when he winced. “Sorry.”  
  
“It’s alright,” he said, pushing past all of them and heading to the door, opening it and smiling wide when he saw Taek-woon waiting. Taek-woon didn’t say anything, his lips pursed as he looked him over and he swallowed heavily, knowing what the other was looking for. “You can’t see.”  
  
“…how do you feel?”  
  
“I feel great, but now that you’ve come to see me I feel much better.” That did it, the other no longer awkward as he merely rolled his eyes as he stepped in the room. Already feeling light-headed, he made his way back over to the bed, sitting back down. Taek-woon followed a few steps back, aware of how the others all stared at him, their eyes disapproving.  
  
“Don’t mind them,” he said loudly, turning back at them and sending them a quick glare that had them hurriedly look anywhere but them. A small smile cracked on the other’s lips, his hands shoved in his pockets.  
  
“Aren’t you hot?”  
  
He fingered the sleeve of his sweater, thinking that yes, he was extremely hot under the thick cloth. But he just sent the other a winning smile, “Not really. You’ll be surprised how cold it is in these rooms. I’m happy like this, thank you very much.” Taek-woon just nodded silently, his eyes moving behind him and he turned to see Lu Han walk up next to him, gingerly placing a hand on his shoulder.  
  
“Come on Hak-yeon, we should get you checked out so you can get out of here.” He nodded, letting the other help him up and soon the whole group of them headed out into the hallway. He couldn’t help but chuckle at how many of them there were, the other patients in the hallway having to dart out of the way for them. They headed over to the front desk, an older woman already waiting for them with a smile on her face.  
  
“You must be Hak-yeon,” she said pleasantly, and he quickly sent the others a look to see if they knew who she was. They all shrugged back at him, looking around to see who knew her, when Taek-woon slunk out from behind him and whispered softly,  
  
“Mother.”  
  
Taek-woon’s mother?  
  
“Taek-woon’s told me about you,” she continued, seemingly ignoring how her son’s face reddened and he sent her numerous glares, “and he’s asked me something that I need to discuss with you. Would you like to go somewhere more private…?” He noticed how she was sending the others quick glances and he spun around in time to catch the menacing aura they were emanating, Bin having wrapped his arms around his waist and holding him back.  
  
“I’ll talk with you,” he said, frowning when he felt Bin attempt to follow him. “Alone.” Bin sent him an absolutely miserable look when he peeled the others fingers off, ruffling his hair with a smile. “I’ll be right back, okay?”  
  
“Be careful,” Jong-in hissed, pulling Bin into a comforting hug and casting a suspicious glance at Taek-woon’s mother.  
  
“It’ll be fine,” he reassured, knowing anyone related to Taek-woon had to be safe. She smiled as she led him down another hallway, hiding his discomfort when her hand brushed his arm. “What did you…?”  
  
“Don’t worry,” she said immediately, “he hasn’t told me anything about what happened.” He visibly relaxed at that, a small sigh escaping his lips. “But he’s told me a lot about you from school. I don’t know if you know, but he’s changed a lot because of you.”  
  
He gulped, unsure of where she was going; she had the same blank expression Taek-woon had. “I’m sorry-”  
  
He yelped when she suddenly pulled him into a tight hug, letting him go just as quickly when she heard him cry. “Thank you,” she breathed, tears pricking her eyes. “He’s become so much more confident, and he even talks at home now. I just wanted to thank you for that.”  
  
A small smile broke out on his lips, looking out of the hallway to see Taek-woon awkwardly standing next to the others, locking eyes with him for a second. “It’s nothing.”  
  
“Taek-woon was never a talkative boy, but after starting high school he started to be bullied, and I couldn’t do anything when he changed. He’s never had many friends, so when he came home and told me about you…I really wanted to meet you. I wanted to thank you.”  
  
“You don’t need-”  
  
“Taek-woon, my baby who used to hate being around others, asked me if you could come live with us.”  
  
“-to thank, wait, _what?”_  
  
“I’ll have to talk it over with your mother, but it’s no trouble at all for us to take you in. We have an extra bedroom if you like, or you could share with Taek-woon-”  
  
“Wait, wait,” he rushed, holding his hands up as he tried to catch his breath. His head was spinning at everything she was throwing at him, her quick words throwing him off. “Taek-woon asked if I could live with you?”  
  
“He didn’t give us a lot of details, but he mentioned how you weren’t able to go home. He was worried you wouldn’t have anywhere to go, so he asked me if you could come with us.” This time when he turned to look at Taek-woon, the other hid his face, knowing he had heard his offer. He looked back to the expectant woman, squirming.  
  
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I could accept your offer. I don’t want to impose-”  
  
“You won’t be imposing. It’s the least I could do for the good you’ve been doing for my son.”  
  
“I still can’t accept something like that. I can figure something out, don’t worry. The guys have also offered me to live with them, and that might be best.”  
  
“We can help you continue your studies. Don’t think of it as an obligation-”  
  
“No!” They both whirled around to see Bin appear behind him, grabbing his wrist and yanking him backward. “You can’t take Hak-yeon hyung.” Taek-woon’s mother’s lips formed a tight line as Bin held onto him possessively, and he had to struggle to get the other boy to loosen his hold.  
  
“Stop it Hong-bin ah,” he said quietly, and just the name alone was enough to make the boy’s hands let go.  
  
“But hyung-”  
  
“She was only offering. Don’t yell at her.” Bin’s hands eventually pulled away, and he sighed. “I can’t go anywhere without Binnie,” he said back to her, making sure to wrap an arm around Bin’s shoulders. He knew it was rude of him to force a condition on an offer she was making out of goodwill, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to live with her. He really wasn’t sure where he wanted to live at all. The one thing he did want, to go home, he couldn’t do, and he hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking anything else. This was thrown at him too quickly, his answer needed too soon.  
  
“What does Binnie want then?” she asked, her smile back on her face.  
  
He blinked in surprise, not having expected that kind of answer. “Bin goes where Hak-yeon hyung goes.”  
  
“Hong-bin, what are you going to do when they find your family? You should wait before going anywhere.”  
  
“I don’t want to go anywhere without hyung,” he said defiantly, stomping his foot.  
  
“We can still offer the extra bedroom to the two of you-”  
  
“I don’t think-”  
  
“It’s alright Woo-jin,” came a soft voice behind him, and he turned to see Taek-woon and the others behind him, more than likely following the former when he tried to get away. Taek-woon looked down sadly at his feet. “I only wanted to help you. I’m sorry if that made you upset.”  
  
“It’s not that it made me angry, it’s just-”  
  
“Hak-yeon and Bin are going to live with us,” Jong-in said loudly, his voice holding a hint of possessiveness as he held his strong glare down on the other two. He was making it very clear they weren’t welcome.  
  
“I never said I was going to live with you,” he cut in, unable to hide the disdain in his voice. Jong-in looked at him like he had been slapped, his lower lip sticking out as he stepped behind Kyung-soo. The shorter boy, no happier than the other, only pat his arm sympathetically. “I don’t know where I’m going to live. I haven’t decided yet.”  
  
“We understand,” she said quickly, “we were only giving you an option.”  
  
“Hak-yeon.” He shifted to see Joon-myeon hobble over on his crutches, his casted leg clunking on the floor. He fumbled slightly before he was able to put a reassuring hand on his arm, sighing. “Don’t think we’re forcing you to live with us. All of us,” he made sure to include Bin, “have been through a lot together, and we want to stick together. You weren’t with us, so it’s understandable you wouldn’t want to stay.”  
  
“I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you-”  
  
“I’m just saying that while we’d prefer you to live with us, if you want to live with your friend, we won’t hate you for it.”  
  
He glanced over at the others, taking note of their forced smiles and he knew that they really weren’t comfortable with it. He looked over at Bin, who was completely unhelpful with the admiring stare he sent his way, and he knew that he would just agree with anything he said. He took a deep breath before turning to Taek-woon, the other’s tentative eyes showing how nervous he was to hear his answer. “I’ll stay with you Taek-woonie,” he said softly, and if it wasn’t for the situation he would have cooed and squished the other’s cheeks at the bright expression that grew on his face. “Just until I can figure out what I want to do.”  
  
“If that’s what you want,” Taek-woon’s mother said gently, “then wait here while I help your mother fill out your discharge papers.” She gave the lot of them a quick smile before running through them, grabbing Taek-woon with her, and he wondered if the guys were that intimidating.  
  
An awkward, pregnant silence followed afterward, and he wasn’t sure what he could say to the others when he so blatantly refused their offer. Luckily, the troublemakers didn’t seem to be ones who could be angry for long, Baek-hyun sauntering over and nudging him. “Hey, if you’re ditching us like that, you must have something in mind. What do you plan on doing now?”  
  
“I’m not too sure,” he said uncertainly, scratching the back of his head. “I’d have to get all my schooling figured out since they had made me a whole other identity. But I do want to go back and finish school and go to college.”  
  
“College?” Min-seok asked in surprise.  
  
“Yeah, I was about to take the college entrance exams when I broke in to find Seok-jin.”  
  
“Wait, wait, wait,” Jong-in said as he pushed past Kyung-soo, already forgetting his earlier outburst, “you mean she didn’t just grab you? You _broke in?”_  
  
He suddenly felt all of their eyes on him and he could feel his face heat up, realizing nobody knew how he had been actually turned into a doll. Saet-byul’s mother had reminded him multiple times how he was the only one to ever willingly come into the house on his own. He must look completely stupid in front of these guys. He looked to the floor as he mumbled, hoping no one would be able to hear him, “I…kind of broke in and threatened her to give me Seok-jin back.”  
  
“Damn, that’s so badass! You actually threatened Eun-ji? I probably would’ve pissed myself before I could.”  
  
“Well, doesn’t matter how badass it was, she didn’t like it. She stabbed me to get my blood.” Smirking, he lifted the side of his sweater to show the first scar he ever received, the short, jagged wound bulging from healing wrong. He pat it proudly. Surprisingly, Zitao reached over and brushed it gently, breathing out softly.  
  
“Damn…that makes me feel like a pussy with the pricks she gave my finger.”  
  
Jong-dae and Min-seok burst out laughing at his side, slapping the oblivious guy on the back as they pulled him away, their roaring laughter causing ripples of giggles from the more serious ones. Even Joon-myeon was chuckling.  
  
“But all that aside, do you guys have a plan?” he asked, and the laughter died down.  
  
“Well,” Jong-in said, “I was going to go and study dancing since that was what I was good at. And Kyung-soo here is going to go into singing!”  
  
“No I’m not!” Kyung-soo snapped, hurriedly pushing the other away. “I don’t know if I want to do something like that.”  
  
“But you should. And you could drag Yixing with you and force him to go back to school.” Yixing gasped as he stumbled back, hiding behind Lu Han.  
  
“Don’t let them make me go back,” he hissed, horrified, though the other merely pushed him back out.  
  
“Stop being such a baby. You can go with Kyung-soo.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“At least you have an idea what you like. Don’t waste it.” He paused at the serious tone in the other’s voice, eventually sighing as he stood back up. Lu Han then said something in Chinese that made Yixing’s face turn bright red and the other Chinese guys crack up, leaving the rest of them confused.  
  
“Hey, that’s not fair hyung,” Chan-yeol whined. “Not everyone knows Chinese.”  
  
“All I said-”  
  
“Don’t say it!” Yixing screamed, covering Lu Han’s mouth before he could speak.  
  
While they were all distracted, they failed to notice someone walking up to their group, their footsteps silent and hesitant. He was the first to notice, pushing a clingy Jong-dae off in surprise.  
  
“Saet-byul?”  
  
Everyone fell silent, the murderous aura returning as they turned their hard eyes on the little girl at the end of the hallway. The small girl cowered under their stares, intimidated, looking around as she tried to find something familiar. Her eyes eventually landed on him, and a wide smile broke out on her face as she ran forward and pulled him into a tight hug.  
  
“N!” She buried her face into his side, and when her hands brushed his scarred back, he could feel her pause. She chose to ignore it, looking up at him, smiling brilliantly. “I missed you! I’m so happy you’re okay!”  
  
He had to take a deep breath to control himself, placing both hands firmly on her shoulders and pushing her away. She whimpered as she stared at him confusedly, her hands coming up to take his. He yanked them away and now she looked at him in concern.  
  
“What’s wrong N? It’s me, Saet-byul.” She tried to touch him again, but this time Bin stepped forward and jerked him behind him, using his height to scare her. It worked, she shrunk under his glare and stumbled back.  
  
“Don’t touch hyung,” he growled, and he probably would have hit her if he didn’t stop him. Nervous, she brought her hands to her chest, and that was when all eyes turned to the doll she was holding.  
  
“The _fuck_?” Zitao shouted, pointing but too afraid to step forward. “Why the hell do you have _that?_ ”  
  
She followed their eyes to her doll, gasping and holding it tightly to her chest. He coughed uncomfortably, his chest constricting, and that only managed to fuel their anger. “T-this is my doll…”  
  
“You do realize your mom was arrested,” Min-seok said, the normally quiet guy having a vicious tone in his voice. “There are no more dolls. You have no control over Hak-yeon anymore.”  
  
“I-I don’t want control,” she stuttered, and he knew just how scared she was to be confronting so many people at once. He knew all too well, and he hated how much he pitied her. Even though his mind told him to hate her, his heart just couldn’t hate the innocent girl. Her large eyes turned to him, pleading. “I just want N.”  
  
“Are you deaf?” Baek-hyun growled. “Hak-yeon isn’t yours anymore. He doesn’t have to do anything for you anymore. You are nothing.” He lunged forward, ready to tear the doll out of her hands, and he reacted.  
  
“Stop it Baek-hyun,” he commanded, pulling him back. He refused to look them in the eye, knowing what they were thinking. “Leave her alone.”  
  
“Hak-yeon-”  
  
“She can keep the doll.” That didn’t go over well with the others; Jong-in grabbed Saet-byul by the wrist and held her fast, Zitao prying the doll from her fingers. She screamed, thrashing around as she tried to get it back, and he tried to shush them when they started to attract attention. Zitao handed him the doll to him right before a crowd of nurses stormed in, ripping Saet-byul from Jong-in. Taek-woon and his mother were right behind them, and he noticed that for a second, his heart racing, his mother behind them, though she hid herself before she could make herself known.  
  
“You need to leave,” the nurse that held Saet-byul demanded, her eyes locked on Jong-in and Zitao.  
  
“The doll…” Saet-byul whimpered, and he looked down at the ragged doll in his hand. It looked nothing like how it used to, the fabric worn and riddled with holes. He ran a finger down the stitched leg, horrific memories of that night filling his mind. He took a deep breath, shaking, as he stepped forward and silently handed it back to her. The guys chortled as she smiled thankfully up at him, though her happiness was clouded when he refused to look at her.   
  
“You can keep it,” he said quietly, “but you have to promise you won’t bother me again.” Her face crumbled, almost dropping the doll, and it took all of his willpower not to pull her into a reassuring hug. “You can’t follow me, talk to me or call me. You have to promise.”  
  
“B-but…N…why…?”  
  
“What are you doing?” Taek-woon hissed, surprise on his normally straight face.  
  
“Don’t Taek-woon,” his mother whispered, pulling him back. He could understand why everyone was on their side, and why it looked bad for her. Saet-byul was the daughter of their kidnapper, and while Saet-byul was mostly innocent, it would not absolve the fact.  
  
“I don’t want to leave you,” she whimpered, her lip quivering. “I love you N. I want to stay with you.” She reached out and he backed away; she broke away from the nurse holding her as she grabbed his hands, placing his palms on her tear stained cheeks. “I can’t live without you N. I’ll do whatever you want, I promise. Just don’t leave me.” She was so desperate, and he really did want to hug her. But…  
  
“I’m sorry Saet-byul,” he said simply, deciding against his better judgment to give her a small kiss on her forehead, and he could feel her shiver. For that second, he opened his eyes slightly to get one last look at her, his eyes taking in every bit of her. She was so tiny, her hair ratted and long; he had always been meaning to give her a proper haircut. She was wearing her school uniform, the best piece of clothing she had; he had been meaning to save money to take her out to buy something nice. Her eyes were closed, her fists clenched, and he knew he had to stop. He turned away and moved back to Bin’s side, and she screamed.  
  
“Don’t leave! N, I won’t let you leave! Please stay with me!” It took a couple nurses to hold her back, and while she continuously screamed his name, he kept his back to her, refusing to turn around. Taek-woon grabbed his arm, glaring hard at him as if trying to figure out what was going on, before walking past him and towards the crying girl.  
  
Saet-byul immediately quieted. “T-Taek-woon oppa…”  
  
“Don’t touch her,” he said hurriedly, pulling him back before he had a chance to comfort her.  
  
“Woo-jin-”  
  
“His name is Hak-yeon,” Jong-in said sternly, “and that girl you’re trying to talk to is the daughter of the woman who kidnapped us.”  
  
“But Saet-byul couldn’t have-”  
  
“Just stop,” he whispered before turning to Taek-woon’s mother. “Can we please leave? I don’t think I can stay here any longer.” She seemed to understand, nodding and ushering Taek-woon and Bin to the door. He went to follow them, to get away from Saet-byul and her maddening screams, when another hand caught him.  
  
“Be careful,” Joon-myeon smiled bitterly, and the tone in his voice was almost like a goodbye. He smiled back, nodding his head to the rest of them.  
  
“You too.”  
  
“If you ever need anything, we’ll be there for you. Like I said, we’ve been through this together.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“And take care of Bin,” Kyung-soo spoke up, pushing past the others to get a good look at him. “If anything happens to him, I’ll come over there personally and kick your ass.” He blinked, not expecting something like that to come from the owl-eyed boy, but only burst out laughing, clapping him on the back.  
  
“I promise he’ll be fine.”  
  
“You better get going,” Lu Han added, taking a step forward to block Saet-byul from his view. “If you wait any longer she might actually get you.” His smile slipped away, knowing the other was right. He was free…he didn’t have to take care of Saet-byul ever again. He never had to wake up early to get her to the bus, make sure she ate, help her with her homework, hug her, laugh with her, sleep with her… He didn’t have to do any of that again. He didn’t have to see her again, so why was he feeling so upset about leaving?  
  
Taking a deep breath, he gave them one final wave before heading out, the last thing he heard being Saet-byul screaming his name.  
  
He didn’t look back.  
  
\--  
  
 _Your doll is different._  
  
 _You’re not meant to only feel the doll’s pain._  
  
Bin’s head lolled over onto his shoulder, and he cupped the other’s cheek to make him more comfortable.  
  
 _You and I…we have their blood on us as well. It stains the doll._  
  
He looked out the window as his stomach clenched and twisted, his fingers digging into his leg.  
  
 _You need to stay away from Saet-byul. It’s dangerous._  
  
 _If you stay with her, you’ll turn into a doll, a real doll. Your freewill will vanish; you’ll become a slave to her._  
  
 _Stay away and you’ll be safe._  
  
 _Stay away from her._  
  
 _It’s dangerous._  
  
He glanced over at Taek-woon’s back, knowing the other was still furious with how he treated Saet-byul.  
  
 _He made the right choice…right?_

**Author's Note:**

> There is a sequel to this story that I will eventually post here--http://archiveofourown.org/works/12121137/chapters/27489705. Thank you so much to everyone who read this (and commented~), it helped me so much and motivated me enough to make this my first completely finished story. 
> 
> Thank you~


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